Superficial wrote:I have had this conversation so many times with intelligent individuals who are curious about life, the human condition, and. . . well, me. Universally, they CANNOT accept the fact that I am not me. NPD is so foreign to people without that they will never comprehend what it entails. From my experience, NPD cannot be accurately described within a behavioral context.
99% of my condition takes place within me. Because of several factors (a confluence of forces, really) I recognize it and perceive it. Narcissism is an inner experience from which certain emergent qualities will form (behaviors), but its truth lies within the individual, not without.
One of my friends put it best in describing me as "fickle". I do not have any true values or beliefs. I believe in nothing. I am only reactive and adaptive. I have no feelings -- only thoughts. I never "feel" good or bad. I only think it. EVERYTHING is a game. No one understands except people with NPD, and that is why I post on here. NPD is at once primitive and complex.
My whole life is a search for external validation. I constantly build up some distorted self-image, and then seek to validate it through sense experience. If it is validated, I think good thoughts. If it is not validated, I think bad thoughts (cognitive dissonance) and either change my actions or adopt a new distorted self-image. This will continue for the rest of my life. I have no doubt about it. I have managed, however, to use it to the best effect possible, for both me and those around me. I do not want to hurt anyone ever again. I just want to feel good about myself on a consistent basis, but it may never happen. My only real goal is to establish a sense of self-worth that is honest, lasting, and steadfast. All other goals are directly tied to this goal.
Superficial wrote:I have had this conversation so many times with intelligent individuals who are curious about life, the human condition, and. . . well, me. Universally, they CANNOT accept the fact that I am not me. NPD is so foreign to people without that they will never comprehend what it entails. From my experience, NPD cannot be accurately described within a behavioral context.
I like the true self and false self!
99% of my condition takes place within me. Because of several factors (a confluence of forces, really) I recognize it and perceive it. Narcissism is an inner experience from which certain emergent qualities will form (behaviors), but its truth lies within the individual, not without.
Agreed but you are not to blame ever!
One of my friends put it best in describing me as "fickle". I do not have any true values or beliefs. I believe in nothing. I am only reactive and adaptive. I have no feelings -- only thoughts. I never "feel" good or bad. I only think it. EVERYTHING is a game. No one understands except people with NPD, and that is why I post on here. NPD is at once primitive and complex.
I have issuses with N's and the fickleness lol it drives me crazy. A lot of people understand you just have to find them.
My whole life is a search for external validation. I constantly build up some distorted self-image, and then seek to validate it through sense experience. If it is validated, I think good thoughts. If it is not validated, I think bad thoughts (cognitive dissonance) and either change my actions or adopt a new distorted self-image. This will continue for the rest of my life. I have no doubt about it. I have managed, however, to use it to the best effect possible, for both me and those around me. I do not want to hurt anyone ever again. I just want to feel good about myself on a consistent basis, but it may never happen. My only real goal is to establish a sense of self-worth that is honest, lasting, and steadfast. All other goals are directly tied to this goal.
mynameissue wrote:Superficial, when you discuss your npd with friends and family, do they realise that means you don't have deep feelings for them? There's a conflict, isn't there, between telling people the truth, and not wanting to hurt them. (Or lose them.)
By the way, my therapist reckons he can help me to develop emotions, but we haven't started to work on that yet.
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