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Success story for covert narcissists?

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Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby benzerbru » Sat Sep 01, 2012 9:22 pm

Hi guys.

So it turns out after years of wondering why I'm so weird, defensive, angry, vulnerable, think I'm holier than tho when it comes to certain traits I have, so envious of others and resentful of others it's 99% certain it's that I'm a covert narcissist.

I am a shy person with very low self esteem when it comes to certain things and with only one person I can call a friend, so it felt like a joke when my therapist suggested that I have a form of narcissism. From what I read on narcissism it was something that results in a person being egocentric but also with overt high self esteem, arrogance and generally like a more mild version of a sociopath.

A narcissist was the last thing i thought I was...

However from reading up on the diagnosis of covert narcissism and having so many of the traits, if not all of them, ring true with me, it appears after all these years of wondering what the problem is I have now found it.

At the same time as never feeling good enough in the social arena, never feeling clever enough socially and feeling like I have something fundamentally unacceptable about myself which makes people reject me.

I also feel like I am more morally righteous than anyone else. A bastion of "goodness" if you will. I also use this "angelic" portrayal of myself in order to get attention, pity and get appreciation from my girlfriend and parents.

The combination of the intense love I feel towards myself and the intense hatred I feel for others makes life so much harder than how it is for a normal person.

I have a huge sense of entitlement, I don't find any pleasure in relationships but know I need to make one work in order to be relatively happy, I view people as objects and lack empathy and am always preoccupied with myself and others perception of myself and my reputation.

My emotions are very mixed at the moment. I feel happy that I now know what the problem is but I also at the same time am deeply scared about my fate from reading up on how covert narcissism is the "most malignant" form of narcissism.

I assume there will be a couple of covert narcissists here. How do you cope with this element of your psyche and have you successfully beaten it or not?

I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Thanks.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby Finite Dreams » Sat Sep 01, 2012 9:34 pm

You don't heal just how a sociopath wouldn't but instead you suffer, trapped within unknown misery.
Until your very last breath.
:D
I love this melo-dramatic teenage girl quote avatar.
I love how the italics make this even more dramatic.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby wineaux » Sun Sep 02, 2012 8:55 pm

did you get a gander at this article?

http://narcissisticbehavior.net/reveali ... narcissism

Dx: PDNOS, ADHD, MDD, ED (recovering)

i'm in your threadz, moddin' your postsImage
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby benzerbru » Tue Sep 04, 2012 11:58 am

wineaux wrote:did you get a gander at this article?

http://narcissisticbehavior.net/reveali ... narcissism


Yeah, the covert part is like reading my life story.

I'm planning to see a shrink soon as that's the only way I can feasibly beat the strong hold this has over every part of my life.


Just wanted to see what other covert narcs have to say.

I realise there will be few people who can speak from experience as the majority of people aren't narcs and the majority of narcs aren't coverts.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby jacknife » Tue Sep 04, 2012 2:12 pm

Thanks for your post: that article on covert narcissism was very enlightening and made me realize what is the potential source of my defense mechanisms; it also would explain the situations i'm currently undergoing.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby spacey » Wed Sep 05, 2012 2:38 pm

I'm a covert narcissist, discovered I was in January of this year, (so eight months ago).

Original Poster, how you described yourself also describes me exactly, as well as that article that was posted. In the past 8 months, my behaviour has improved somewhat, but my thinking has not much at all (though I have become very very depressed about my NPD). I still seem to react to situations in the same way, but later when I've calmed down I will realise that how I reacted was wrong, but then it's too late.

I too am very pessimistic about if I can recover at all. I'm starting therapy in the next few weeks and am hoping this could help.

I however did not realise that covert narcissism was seen as being more malignant. Where did you read that? i actually thought that coverts were more likely to seek treatment due to a higher chance of them becoming self aware, due to their low self esteem?

Would be great to hear more of your thoughts.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby housekeeping » Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:20 pm

I too, am basically certain that Covert Narcissism is the correct diagnosis for me. I haven't been diagnosed but I feel like there is sufficent evidence anyways..

What bugs me the most is the underlying sense of grandiosity I have. Nothing is ever fine for me, there is always something that can be improved which I lay all focus on.

Also the malignant nice-ness, appering humble/likable is not a problem for me, although there are no genuine feelings behind those acts, it's nothing but a game.

That's not a success story at all, heh, but I certainly believe that improvement is possible. You just gotta keep it on a realistic level, like my grandiose fantasies tells me that I'm gonna be a brand new person and everything that is now lousy will change for the best, but that's not grounded in reality and will only cause struggle and misery for me to beileve that.

I guess most things will come natrually once we find meaning and purpose which will come to us from the inside. that's a big change from always looking outside for pleasure,
Last edited by housekeeping on Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby spacey » Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:23 pm

Housekeeping, out of intertest, have you considered "recovering" or whatever you want to call it. Do you want to get better?
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby housekeeping » Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:51 pm

spacey i made an edit in my last post speaking a little bit about that, but i'd rather say im interesed in improvement than recovery, because thats just too black and white for me.. the narcissism is what it is it's just defence mechanisms, but we tend to blow it up into something that's grotesque. It's more important to be patient and gentle with yourself, whatever happens
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Re: Success story for covert narcissists?

Postby spacey » Wed Sep 05, 2012 3:54 pm

Thanks very much for posting that Housekeeping. Maybe i'm being way too unrealistic, but I have my heart set on full recovery. The idea that this narcissism is going to stick with me forever is too depressing for me to bear, it makes me feel so hopeless.
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