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Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

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Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Atrium » Thu Aug 16, 2012 7:45 pm

Is my sister and Unstable Narcissist and how do I get the upper hand in the relationship?

Her personality traits:
1. Vain about her appearance but very very insecure about it too
2.Cold: keeps people at arms length. Prefers to be the Queen of the dipshits. Misses people emotionally after they are gone.
3.Has a tough set of rules for everyone to follow when around her but expects everyone to go out of their way to accommodate her needs.
4. Lives in a bubble. A created reality of being a hip, hot, fashionista stylist to the stars type and if you burst her bubble or even poke a small hole in it, she gets really mad-- violent even. She's a waitress in LA btw.
5. Needs constant validation and praise but only gives out praise and validation sparingly--and dangles her approval like a carrot to keep you working for it.
6. Punishes. WIll give the silent treatment until you apologize. Went 6 years w/o talking to my mom over a misunderstanding. If you call her to tell her a close relative is in the hospital and might die and she's not talking to you, she will talk to you in a tone that is polite and professional as if you were a nurse calling to tell her the news and not her sister. It's very weird.
7. You have to be the one to break the silence by apologizing. She will never admit she is wrong. She is always the victim.
8. She gaslights. Dismisses and diminishes your feelings and needs. "your just looking for a reason to be angry."
9. Can call up and complain about being slighted by someone for 5 hours on phone but if you call her to complain and vent about something similar, she tells you to get over it.
10. Has massive issues with rejection.
11. When there is a a big event happening in my life that doesn't include her ie wedding, baby, vacation. she will act cold and indifferent about it. Won't give approval or show happiness. She seems jealous. She sat in the front row of my wedding with stone face.

She hasn't talked to me in over a year. My life actually got better without her in it. I am the happiest I've been in years.

I'm not looking to break her silent treatment. I want her to see that her silent treatment hasn't pusnished me as she intends it to.

I don't see her in person anymore bc she moved to the opposite coast. So I only see her on FB now. We are still FB friends but she won't acknowledge me or my kids on FB (no comments or likes etc).

I learned in therapy that best way to gain power over people who use the silent treatment as abuse is show indifference. How do you show indifference on FB? Do you ignore back? Or do you acknowledge her sparingly? If I validate her posts in any way am I supplying her? If I ignore her like she ignores me am I fueling her notion that she's the victim?


What is the best way to take the power away from the unstable narcissist?


Thank you
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby coloroftruthisgray » Fri Aug 17, 2012 4:17 am

Leave her alone.
The color of truth is gray.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Fallen_Angel73 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 6:08 am

Atrium wrote:She hasn't talked to me in over a year. My life actually got better without her in it. I am the happiest I've been in years.
I'm not looking to break her silent treatment. I want her to see that her silent treatment hasn't pusnished me as she intends it to.

:?:
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Atrium » Fri Aug 17, 2012 11:35 am

coloroftruthisgray wrote:Leave her alone.


Thank you. This is very helpful. But you already knew that right? :)
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Atrium » Fri Aug 17, 2012 12:31 pm

anagram wrote:
Atrium wrote:She hasn't talked to me in over a year. My life actually got better without her in it. I am the happiest I've been in years.
I'm not looking to break her silent treatment. I want her to see that her silent treatment hasn't pusnished me as she intends it to.

:?:


She has turned some of our weak-needy-codependent family members against me. While my sister hasn't said a word to me, the weak-codependent-narc suck ups have sent me nasty emails telling me how awful I am.

While I can handle the silent treatment from my sister, my ego can't handle others accusing me of things I didn't do. And I can't stand disloyalty--even from weak idiots. I would've left my sister alone if she hadn't up the ante.

Now Narc sister feels awesome because she has the numbers and people to do her bidding. And she has gotten me frozen out. She has taken away my support system thinking this will prompt me to apologize to her to appease everyone to get back into the family fold. Because what she ultimately wants is for me to get back to my job of pumping her up. (this has been the cycle through my life.)

It's not going to happen this time. But I need a strategy. I need to hone my own Narc skills. Her currency is rejection. I want her to know that she can isolate me all she wants I will still REJECT HER.

If you were her, how could someone stick it to you so you felt it and got the message for good. Be honest.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby coloroftruthisgray » Fri Aug 17, 2012 12:55 pm

You are obsessed , speak with your family members honestly , if not this will end badly , for you , for your sister and for your family.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Fallen_Angel73 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 4:39 pm

@Atrium: Just don't care about people you don't care about. Or else, they've won.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby A little Wisernow » Sat Aug 18, 2012 11:19 am

She sounds horrible.........


A lot like the NPD/HPD I talk about here.

She has "painted you black".


But really who would want her company anyway.........

Once they really know her.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby Finite Dreams » Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:36 am

coloroftruthisgray wrote:You are obsessed , speak with your family members honestly , if not this will end badly , for you , for your sister and for your family.


Missy know-it-all is right yknow
I love this melo-dramatic teenage girl quote avatar.
I love how the italics make this even more dramatic.
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Re: Is my sister an Unstable Narc?

Postby coloroftruthisgray » Sun Aug 19, 2012 11:41 am

Did you just seriously call me missy know it all? And then made a rhyme out of it? :lol:
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