Spanking children is childabuse

This is still not a common thought. Many parents think that spanking is allowed, but in many countries it is forbidden.
A child will forever lose trust once it is beaten.

As an adult, just imagine how you would feel if someone tried to correct your behaviour by hitting you!!! Don't you think your child has feelings just like you do?
http://www.unicef.org/jamaica/parenting_corner_2904.htm

Run wrote:This is still not a common thought. Many parents think that spanking is allowed, but in many countries it is forbidden.
A child will forever lose trust once it is beaten.

As an adult, just imagine how you would feel if someone tried to correct your behaviour by hitting you!!! Don't you think your child has feelings just like you do?
http://www.unicef.org/jamaica/parenting_corner_2904.htm

I and countless others were spanked as a kid. So? I love and respect my parents nevertheless, I think they are one the best things that happened to me. In the vast majority of cases my spanking was justified.

Yeah spanking is #######4.

Man i hate having to explain things that are so simple to me.

1. You should be able to discuss things with your child, if they won't calm down then use your brain to create another non-violent punishment. Unless of course you are too much of an idiot, in which case don't have children.
2. Don't teach them that violence can be used in response to non-violent irritation.

You're right children deserve at least the same rights as adults.

The couple of times I was hit I felt extremely disgusted at my father. It's not something that I can forget. I don't hold it against him. I just think less of him as a person.

As an adult, just imagine how you would feel if someone tried to correct your behaviour by hitting you!!!

Imagine tying an adult male down and tearing the most sensitive and pleasurable (males g-spot) off of his penis without consent and without anesthetic? That is a reality for many baby boys who are circumcised. As above, i think less of my parents for doing this to me.

Physical punishment is wrong. Prove to me that it is right to inflict tremendous fear in children as a way to "get them to do what you want". This kind of behavior and attitude in parents is indicative of a level of selfishness that is passed on to children the world over. Parents who physically abuse their children put their needs before those of their kids; that is exactly the kind of behavior that creates people like me -- people who can never truly feel happy or satisfied.

I and countless others were spanked as a kid.

This doesn't make it right. Nor does it mean you don't love your parents.

I bet when you were spanked, you felt angry, afraid and humiliated. I doubt anyone actually thought, "OK, this punishment is justified." Usually, it's the parents losing control of the situation, and venting their own frustration when they spank. This can easily get out of hand and result in some major beatings.

There are other ways to discipline a child that are more effective and nonviolent. You don't need physical force in order to TEACH them right from wrong. The only thing you will teach them by hitting is:

Fear
Violence is OK
Intimidation is needed to get your way

Besides, kids who are hit usually turn around and bully someone else, to dispel their own anger. Not a good cycle.

I agree Run!

Spanking your child means you're struggling as a parent. We all fail at times (not necessarily via spanking) but it's a lot better for your kids if you can recognize yourself failing and get some help or advice or an outside perspective.

Generally kids misbehave because they are tired, bored or under or overstimulated. Or because something else is wrong. Spanking causes them to bury their feelings, to survive. It's not surprising that some adult children who were hit vigorously defend their parents - that's a childhood survival strategy you're still carrying with you as an adult.

question is what would you do with someone like me were negative and possetive reinforcment don't work?

I don't know. I guess I'm thinking of parents and children who can control their behaviour, and I guess that's not everyone.

I try to keep an open mind about the origins of the PDs but I do think there might be a genetic element to NPD and maybe pretty major. It seems the most recent BPD studies pretty much confirm this for BPD, and it's something like 1/3 to 2/3 of a BPD family will be affected.

So of someone is born with a PD, which maybe they are, how do you parent that child? No idea, except for the fact that I guess at least one of the child's parents would be wired the same. So, a mess, I guess.

I'm not sure what I would have done with my mum, had she been my child. I've seen photos of her at 8 and yes, it appears that whatever is wrong with her now was also wrong with her then - pretty incredible facial expressions, gaze etc... "the sun is shining out of my butt, everyone!"

Anais wrote: Spanking causes them to bury their feelings, to survive. It's not surprising that some adult children who were hit vigorously defend their parents - that's a childhood survival strategy you're still carrying with you as an adult.

Wow. Never thought of it like that.

Anais wrote:I don't know. I guess I'm thinking of parents and children who can control their behaviour, and I guess that's not everyone.

not sure what I would have done with my mum, had she been my child. I've seen photos of her at 8 and yes, it appears that whatever is wrong with her now was also wrong with her then - pretty incredible facial expressions, gaze etc... "the sun is shining out of my butt, everyone!"

LOL!

But seriously, I realize it would be a huge challenge to parent a difficult child. Overwhelming. Nowadays, there are resources and professionals available that can help formulate behavioral plans for those challenging children. Medications are also available. And while I don't advocate medicating (too many are misdiagnosed and medicated unnecessarily) it can be something to explore if the child is clearly suffering or is uncontrollable and miserable.

I know this wasn't talked about back when we were kids, but nowadays there is more available to parents. Hopefully, those parents aren't a mess themselves; and are able to communicate and reach out to those professionals that can help them.