Get Over Yourself - Your Ex-Narc DOESN'T Hate You

In this forum over the past few months I see a consistent pattern of scorned lovers that feel they have been abused by narcs, and seem to brag on how in the end they have actually 'won' the battle against their narc by leaving them.. and thus now their ex-narc hates them with a deep-rooted passion.

They know this, because their ex-narc tells them this, has others do things in an attempt to upset them or other forms of showing 'hatred' for how they shattered the life of this once powerful figure in their lives.

I've been through thousands of people in my life in one way or another. I've scorned hundreds. Not one of them, have I ever hated. I've felt they were pathetic, pitied them, thought they were stupid, infantile and subservient. (to name a few terms)

Hate? No. That term is reserved for someone that I have deep feelings for. (or so I've been told) And since I don't really know what that means with a non. Hate is not possible.

Once you are out of my life, you barely exist at all. And in my mind, you may as well have never existed. You may come up in my thoughts once in awhile, only so I can laugh at myself and shake my head at how pathetic you were and easy to convince of my authenticity.

I may get another person involved to puppet you along if I'm bored watching commercials, in an effort to make you think I actually have some emotional connect to you. Why?

Because I want you to always remember me. And their is no better feeling than having another person puppet along a former puppet. What a powerful feeling.. I rarely think about those that have left me or done anything to me. I forget about them overnight. And if you ask me to name any of these hundreds of people that think 'I hate them'.. I couldn't name one of them. They are all the same. Pathetic, infantile and former sources of entertainment.

Do not flatter yourself by thinking your ex-narc 'hates' you. He is most likely indifferent and simply checking up on you once in awhile to see if you are still his little plaything, lab rat, play toy, etc.. still available for entertainment when he deems fit.

While yes, he may contact you in one of his moods of despair and convince you that you were his everything. He may really sound like he does hate what you did to him. But only for that brief fleeting moment. In an hour or by the next day, his mood will have changed and you are back to being a nothing. You simply supplied him with what he wanted for that brief time period the previous day.

This may not make sense to a normal mind, as hate is a normal emotion when one is scorned. Yet we reserve our hate for a select few. Normally other narcs that have scorned us that are on our level. Nons.. no.. they are pathetic once they are out of our lives. We find it amusing to have you think we actually care enough to hate you.

Get over yourself. Your ex-narc doesn't hate you and he or she never will. You were not special. You are not special. Albeit he probably told you that you were. And you believed him at one time. You were one of hundreds of the same to him.

Just one part of your post that bemused me -

svenska500 wrote:Because I want you to always remember me. I really rarely think about those that have left me or done anything to me.

What difference does it make if people you rarely think of remember you or not, since you won't be thinking about them ?! lol

katana wrote:What difference does it make if people you rarely think of remember you or not, since you won't be thinking about them ?! lol

It is a wonderful feeling to know that I have hundreds of people that remember me and my impact on their lives. If you asked me to name them, that would of course be impossible. Their names and their impact on my lives are mostly forgotten. They are all the same.

When I feel down, sometimes it is nice to simply think about all the people that once thought so highly of me and still think about me. Obviously there is something special about me, that kept them around so long in my life and keeps them still thinking about me. If I wasn't important, they would have moved on. It's a wonderful feeling to know someone still feels for me after months if not years of minimal contact. I must be quite a special individual for them to still think about me.

There is no reason to waste my limited emotional energy on such irrelevant details as names and details of friendship/relationship with said person(s).

svenska500 wrote:When I feel down, sometimes it is nice to simply think about all the people that once thought so highly of me and still think about me. Obviously there is something special about me, that kept them around so long in my life and keeps them still thinking about me.

Hmm, shame I can't have that sort of emotional pick-me-up when my life is pissing me off and i'm feeling down. Oh well, can't have everything, lol. There are at least plenty of things that come with that that I can do without.

He is most likely indifferent and simply checking up on you once in awhile to see if you are still his little plaything, lab rat, play toy, etc.. still available for entertainment when he deems fit.

So what happens if the plaything is no longer a plaything available for entertainment?

Does this typically make the N go into charisma charm mode to win back the plaything? Or does the N simply move on in an instant to the next toy without a backward glance?

PamHelf wrote:

He is most likely indifferent and simply checking up on you once in awhile to see if you are still his little plaything, lab rat, play toy, etc.. still available for entertainment when he deems fit.

So what happens if the plaything is no longer a plaything available for entertainment?

Does this typically make the N go into charisma charm mode to win back the plaything? Or does the N simply move on in an instant to the next toy without a backward glance?

My ex-Narc had about twenty others he was seeing at the time. He didn't need to go back or forward to anything. He already had plenty of others. I learned from him and have about twenty myself at all times. Of course, seeing is a relative term. The key is to make people feel like they are the only ones. That way when they disappoint and are discarded, there is no loss. No need to worry if they come back or not.

For example, right now I have an individual that has been trying to get 'closer' to me for months and I continue to turn him down. He is one of the few I told that I have NPD and he is trying every possible 'trick' online about how to make me want him. Right now, he is selectively ignoring my texts. Little does he know, I have two dozen others that I'm thinking about all the time and don't even care or have time for these 'non' games of subtle manipulation. I do not miss him, I do not want him. If he comes back and acts how he used to act, fine. I will act the same as well. But I have no time or reason to deal with pathetic games. If he expects me to contact him to tell him I miss him.. boy is he wrong. It's nice having many others around. The supply thus is always around.

My entire life is about looking as good as I can to find supply and keeping it in tow to ensure I do not ever get depressed from lack of having it.

Nothing else matters.

you cut off this supply ofc he does

Powerful. Good post. However, I couldn't help but laugh a bit at the last part:
"You were not special. You are not special."

And you are, eh?

lavendar19 wrote:Powerful. Good post. However, I couldn't help but laugh a bit at the last part:
"You were not special. You are not special."

And you are, eh?

Such a typical denial response. It is very clear that the meaning of the statement is "you were not special to the narc you write about. you are not special to the narc you write about." Why do you try to twist it into the writer saying that he is special? The post is not about the writer, it is a message to those on this board claiming they cannot get over their ex-narc, or perhaps how after a narc they are bored by all others?

But, since you bring it up, yes. I don't see many narcs on here crying about how their ex-non hates them. I don't see many saying they can't get over their ex-non. I don't see many saying they aren't happy being with a narc now that they have been with a non. In fact, I don't see any. This is a very one-way street, with one side clearly leading the race. I'd say that this one side, in relation to the topic, is special.

You have been posting for 6 months saying you cannot feel motivated or even happy without your narc. You claim you're glad it's over, and even that you initiated it, but you certainly can't just move on with life, can you? I guess, to you, a narc is special. Why would you of all people come here making such silly comments?

. I do not miss him, I do not want him. If he comes back and acts how he used to act, fine

.

svenska - have you ever missed anyone? your ex-N? what about your mother or your father?
anyone at all?

if you miss your ex-N (or anyone ) what was it about him that makes you miss him as opposed to the 20 others.

BTW - what you say actually makes a lot of sense to me. I may attempt this in my dating life. There's safety in numbers! If you have a lot of pots on the boil, no one of them will really matter more than another.