awakenow You're giving me amazing advice, thanks so much! I changed the address with my college but it looks like I have to change it with the music department itself too... oops...
Blueflower I'm sorry you've had to deal with similar experiences... thanks so much for sharing your insight with me! You're right, I can't let her ruin my education. I have to separate her from it as much as possible, physically as well as mentally!
I know for sure she's going to try destroying my chance to achieve a degree as her last resort, because she did the same with my final year in secondary school. I was the last kid left and the others were gone to college or work, so conveniently, no witnesses. I used to come home from school at 5pm after leaving at 7.30am, and there'd be no meal for me to eat, not even the ingredients to make a dinner or even a decent sandwich. I used to eat toast after school and that was my dinner. And she used to come collect me from school twice a week, picking me up half an hour early and driving us miles off to a supermarket and insisting I hang around the groceries with her so that I couldn't do my homework or study for my final exams. At weekends she would make herself scarce early in the morning, leaving me to help my father on the farm and do all of the housework for her (though I'd been doing that since I was a child anyway). And there was the usual insane verbal abuse etc.
The summer before that, I had my first solo concert coming up, and I was working on the farm, doing all the housework and working a part-time job while at the same time trying to prepare an hour-long program for a piano recital, organise a venue, piano hire, sponsorship for the piano hire, getting the charity logo for the posters, and selling and booking tickets, all in 8 weeks at the age of 17. Every time I asked her to bring me somewhere to put up posters, she said "no". I asked why and she sulked and didn't give an explanation. She also volunteered me for things I didn't have time to do, such as babysitting, not telling me until about an hour beforehand.
Luckily she failed completely with both attempts to sabotage my success, and I came out with good results both times - though I could have done potentially better with both without her in the picture. So I can see that this is already starting to happen again, only she might do much worse, because she has little personal gain to get from this i.e. it's harder for her to interpret my achieving a degree in music as herself achieving it, so I fear she'll get more and more extreme the closer I get to the end of my final year.
Just now she tried to call me three times. I've had to put a call blocking app on my phone and pretend vaguely that there's something wrong with my phone, and pretend that I'm just taking my time about getting it sorted out... I've done this because it's better than having to wait for my phone to ring out while she calls incessantly, so it's less stressful! She deliberately calls before 10pm, because 10pm is my boundary that I've set with my father and she is being like a naughty toddler and refusing to respect it like he does. I already took a call from her before 10 within the last week and I must balance it out with no more pre-10pm calls for a while, or else she'll get too much of what she wants and keep grabbing at it. So childish but at least I've become able to predict it!
She doesn't respect me now any more than when I was a child. She sexually abused me as a child and my father doesn't know about it. She always did it with that sick screwed-up narcissist smirk. I've discovered that that's a sort of trademark thing among Ns. She also used to take away things I treasured as a kid. One example was when we came home from school one day and called me up to the kitchen, and said, "You know your stone and shell collection?" I had a collection of pretty stones and shells, which I was very fond of. I said, "Ya", and she said, "Well, I threw it out over the back wall today." And she stood there smirking at me. I was about 10 at the time. She did the same with things I used to make (loved arts and crafts as a kid), turned up her nose at gifts or pitted us against each other by comparing gifts in front of us... I could go on forever I guess, just feels good to rant about it especially now that I understand why she did, and continues to do, all this sick stuff. I've already begun to prepare myself mentally for a shock message from her about throwing out precious childhood toys etc., starting to remind myself that she can take away material objects, but she can't actually take away the memories themselves, and I'm not going to let her taint those.
I came home from my holiday last weekend and she smirked about telling my jealous sister about my holiday, and about how angry she'd made her react and how she knew that the way she said it would rise her temper. She did this because last year, when I disclosed a diagnosis of Aspergers to my family and then to my friends, my siblings started bullying me online and I foolishly mentioned it to my mother. I know better now - but it's still really hard work reminding myself that every time she interacts with me in any way, there's some kind of sinister intention behind it. I realised lately that I have no good memories of her at all, because each time something nice happened she followed it up with something as cruel as possible - or else she made the nice stuff all about herself entirely, taking away any enjoyment from anyone else.
I've put "Irrational!!" down as her surname in my phone. That's helped me remember that she's not mentally sound and not to take her madness on board. It's still hard work and I still get fearful every time I hear the phone ring, even when it turns out to be someone else. I'm fed up of the fear... I had a good cry about it all a few days ago, which helped for a while, but I feel like I'm going around in circles again. Do you have any other tips, maybe on how to stop myself sharing anything personal over the phone without being too obvious...? I'm so sorry my posts are so long, I guess it's all just spilling out!! It's all so ridiculous!