Our partner

Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narcissist

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: narcbolan, masquerade, Esquire

Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narcissist

Postby Arthur » Fri Jun 22, 2012 6:05 am

As someone with NPD, I've been thinking lately why it is that we do things that hurt other people.

I came up with some reasons

1) NPD people think about external goals a lot, but aren't interested in people's feelings. Achieving things is important, being kind to people is just not something that it would occur to us to think about.

2) A lot of my narcissistic friends tell me they don't feel good about themselves and they are jealous of other people who they see as having it better than them. It doesn't make sense to care about people who are already doing well when you feel like you're struggling.

3) I notice a lot of people seem to think it's okay to treat people badly if they have no use to you or are inferior. They have the attitude that people who are inferior (or not doing as well as they should) should feel bad.


Come to think of it, I think a lot of non-narcissists tend to think the same way.

What do you guys think?
Arthur
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 82
Joined: Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:30 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby coloroftruthisgray » Fri Jun 22, 2012 6:19 am

1 and 2 are true for me . As for 3 , I don't bother with people if I find them useless , I don't try to trick them , I simply stop interacting with them or keep it minimum.
The color of truth is gray.
User avatar
coloroftruthisgray
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 587
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:45 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby Run » Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:18 am

coloroftruthisgray wrote: As for 3 , I don't bother with people if I find them useless , I don't try to trick them , I simply stop interacting with them or keep it minimum.


And in the family?
Run
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:28 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby coloroftruthisgray » Fri Jun 22, 2012 7:23 am

There are a couple of utter idiots in the family , I don't see them much , as for my parents , I'm simply ignoring the idiotic things they do. They know the right thing to do , they know I'm right (since I always favor logic over emotions) , but they still do the stupid thing they asked about then they moan and bitch about it , I used to get mad and tell them "I told you so" but I'm indifferent to them now.
The color of truth is gray.
User avatar
coloroftruthisgray
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 587
Joined: Sun Apr 29, 2012 6:45 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby Mavet » Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:55 pm

I can see one and two. Three's sketchy because I don't interact much with people that give me no benefits or entertainment. I don't really care what happens to them but I personally wouldn't go either way in my treatment of them - it's a mood thing. :roll:
We're all mad here.
User avatar
Mavet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 696
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:32 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby Run » Fri Jun 22, 2012 6:03 pm

Arthur wrote:
3) I notice a lot of people seem to think it's okay to treat people badly if they have no use to you or are inferior. They have the attitude that people who are inferior (or not doing as well as they should) should feel bad.



I think this is correct.

For example:
My mother likes boys more than girls, she thinks girls are inferior.
I have four older brothers, I'm the only girl.
When I was at a party when I was ten, the mother of the girl who had her birthday, said to all the girls: I like you all, except Run. The party went on. I never understood why she said this, and how it was possible that she thought to get away with a remark like that. Unfortunately, my mother was not somebody who stood up for me.
Nowadays, I think that my mother had told the mother of this girl, that she liked her boys but that her girl - me - not have had to be born, or something like that. That is the only explanation why the mother of that girl thought she could get away with it.
The mother of that girl and my mother are still friends.
I think of a way to let to know that mother of that girl, forty years later, that she can burn in hell.
Run
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 371
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 12:28 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby Mavet » Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:29 pm

This is my take on it.

As a human being, I know very well what I want, perhaps not during my entire life, but on at least a day-to-day basis.

I'm intelligent enough to see the path to getting what I want.

I am selfish; whether or not I see someone suffer may not particularly matter in a world where not everyone can have what they want. I may not intend to hurt people, but it doesn't really MATTER in the end because I just don't care enough to think beforehand about how they will be affected.

And then there's that empathy. I can't feel for someone else in a situation, especially one where I gained from it. So even if I say 'Yeah, sorry for that' I'm probably not sorry, because I'm just doing what I've evolved to do. :oops:
We're all mad here.
User avatar
Mavet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 696
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:32 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby svenska500 » Fri Jun 22, 2012 9:35 pm

1) NPD people think about external goals a lot, but aren't interested in people's feelings. Achieving things is important, being kind to people is just not something that it would occur to us to think about.


Why would we care about the feelings of others if it does not benefit us? We are going to die eventually. Why waste our precious time on earth concerned about something that doesn't provide us with any benefit. Pointless.

2) A lot of my narcissistic friends tell me they don't feel good about themselves and they are jealous of other people who they see as having it better than them. It doesn't make sense to care about people who are already doing well when you feel like you're struggling.


I used to be like this growing up. Then at eighteen I moved and became at the top of the food chain in my city/social setting, and thus it didn't become much of a concern. I was always one of the richest or most attractive individuals wherever I resided.

When I was more materialistic.. (I learned this is a dead end road) ..as an example I used to drive around in a $100k car.. if I saw someone, anyone driving in a $200k car it would drive me absolutely crazy. Luckily I never saw anyone my age with my amount of material wealth and possessions so young. I was the only one. Which is the reason I lived and moved to small poor towns all throughout my late teens and twenties as I flaunted my wealth like a celebrity. If someone else were to come into town that had more than I did, I would simply move. (And yes I can read this paragraph realizing how ridiculously conceited it sounds. But that is how my mind thinks. I'm simply being honest. I would absolutely never reveal/discuss this with anyone in real life like this.)

I don't know what I would do if I was not at the upper top 1% spectrum with money, looks or something else external. Life would be pointless.

3) I notice a lot of people seem to think it's okay to treat people badly if they have no use to you or are inferior. They have the attitude that people who are inferior (or not doing as well as they should) should feel bad.


I just am. I don't intentionally treat anyone badly. They think I am messing with them in some way. I'm just being me.
Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate. - Sun Tzu
User avatar
svenska500
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 825
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2012 4:32 am
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 1:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby Mavet » Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:09 am

svenska500 wrote: I just am. I don't intentionally treat anyone badly. They think I am messing with them in some way. I'm just being me.


I don't know why that caught my eye so much.

But hey, why would one go out of one's way to be 'nice' to someone if there is no benefit in doing so? Without much empathy, there is no emotional benefit in doing so unless it somehow feeds into something later on (ie social status or the n supply).

Without trying to be good to someone, you are just interacting because that's what social animals do. This is what society encourages us to do. You do not think through the other person's emotional response to every action and every word; this would take a ridiculous amount of time on your part, and you don't potentially mean to sound the way you do (in most cases). There is only action and individual reaction.
We're all mad here.
User avatar
Mavet
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 696
Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 7:32 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Why do narcissists hurt people? Thoughts from a narciss

Postby xabilis » Sat Jun 23, 2012 5:26 am

for fun and supply ofc it's like a drug once you have a taste it becomes a primairy need
xabilis
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 952
Joined: Fri Dec 23, 2011 6:02 pm
Local time: Fri Oct 31, 2014 9:50 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: creative_nothing and 150 guests

cron