I broke up with my NPD boyfriend last Saturday ( I figured he is a NPD 2 days after the break up). A week before I officially broke up with him, I decided to be single in my head. I didn’t call or sms him and to my surprise that week he called me desperately everyday. Since I had plans almost every day of that week, I turned him down although he insisted and later gave up sounding sad and hurt, when I didn’t change my plans for him. On Friday evening I went out drinking with one of my guy friends. My bf kept messaging me and whenever I took more than 10 minutes to reply, he would send an offensive message like ‘why the hell aren’t you replying? What are you so busy with?’. When I told him I was out having a drink he replied ‘where are you? Who is your company? Its getting late and I am worried’. I was shocked to see this change in him. Later to my amazement, he dropped down to the bar and was not very friendly towards my friend. This is how he used to behave during the 1st month of us together. When we walked up to my car, he held my hand to guide me and sat in the front passenger seat, which I am guessing was to mark his territory.
I dropped my friend off and then parked in front of my bf’s dorm, he was not in a pleasant mood and he made it very obvious by storming out of the car. I was a bit high plus I could feel the power that I felt I had over him which had built up over the week and so I was a bit amused. I could see that he was maybe finally getting to taste his own medicine. He told me that I was the only person besides his family that he could talk to about this particular matter and I was busy drinking and therefore, he is annoyed. He flunked again for the 3rd time. To approve another year of study he had to get a letter from the student councilor. He told the councilor about his drinking problem and that he never worries about anything and feels that everything will fall in place by itself. The councilor told him that it is a condition and that it would be advisable to see a therapist. Since this is the last chance for him to perform well in studies and pass with a degree, he has decided to quit drinking and that he will start jogging in the mornings. As I was digesting all this information, he told me that he has also decided to go off SEX for a year. It didn’t really make sense to me at that time but I said it was okay with me.
When I got back home, I looked back at my week and decided I was happy being single. Also, his no sex clause confused me. I thought maybe he was seeing or planning to see somebody new, although he didn’t mention anything about breaking up.
Next afternoon I met him over coffee and told him that this ‘relationship’ isn’t working for me and I want out. It didn’t even feel like a relationship, I didn’t feel emotionally or mentally connected to him. Also whenever I asked about the future he said he doesn’t plan for the future and takes one day at a time and I want to get married and have kids. He kept staring at me, without saying much with a concerned look on his face. He agreed that the relationship was sort of dead (I guess that he felt so because for the past 3 weeks or so I was cranky borderline bitch, wanted to know about his level of commitment and had refused to pay for his booze). He felt he was going down and was dragging me along with him. Also, that he can’t give me what I need. But he wanted for us to remain friends and hang out. I refused, told him I don’t even want to see his face and will ignore him if our paths ever crossed. He looked hurt, asked me 3 times to reconsider but I refused. I wanted my closure. He dropped me to my car and left.
2 days later (Monday) he messaged me asking for a loan. I didn’t reply. 2 days (Wednesday) after that he again sent me a text asking for money and saying he was desperate. He called once when I didn’t reply, but I didn’t pick.
It’s been 5 days since (monday), and I am beginning to miss him. Is this normal? I know he is not capable of loving me the way I deserve to be loved but I loved him despite all his flaws and shortcomings. Also, now I can feel how lonely and depressed he must be on the inside (although he always surrounds himself with friends). I doubt if any of his other friends know what it is to feel like he does. Although I am no master in this area, I can now understand why he wasn’t supportive of my accomplishments or emotionally close or why he tried to control me by setting up all the rules. I feel if I had known he was suffering from this disorder, I would have handled our relationship completely differently. I feel he really needs a lot of emotional support right now, since his family is fed up of him for not performing well in studies and his friends are shying away from his for he is financially unstable and is living off them.
Please advice. Should I contact him or should I wait for him to get in touch with me and whether this is the right direction or should I run like I did and follow no contact? I am completely clueless