Can anyone give me some words of advice – after doing some research recently I have reluctantly come to the conclusion my 24 year old daughter has got NPD. She has been my “golden girl”, beautiful, charismatic, outgoing and charming beyond belief. Maybe I am part of the cause – her dad abandoned her for six years which caused her immense distress and during that time, I, as a single mum, tried to compensate and gave her my every attention. I simply adored her. However, 2 years ago, she began to change and I started to notice an alarming side to her normally lovely nature. She used her charm for manipulation and if it didn’t work I would get the silent treatment or cold distain. I attempted to discuss issues with her but she would simply defend herself by attacking me. I saw no empathy, no compassion – I realised now that everything was only about herself. Then suddenly out of nowhere she arranged reconciliation with her father and I was pushed out of her life without a backward glance. I was totally devastated – in fact I even had suicidal thoughts – she bought me to the lowest point in my life.
Since then she has been away travelling. I can see this has given her the ideal platform to feed her NPD traits. She has had an adoring audience in every country and when she has encountered problems, she can just take off again and find a new gang of followers. I have witnessed from afar how she has befriended individuals and then discarded them without a thought.
We still keep in touch – me lots, her – when she needs me to organise something and only then does she appear a loving daughter.
She is due to return back home very shortly after a year away. Although I should be ecstatic that she is returning home, I am actually dreading it. The past year has been peaceful, without the emotional turmoil and I know that it will start again once she is home. She is my flesh and blood whom I am to love unconditionally so I cannot cut her out my life (believe me, if I had a NPD partner or friend I would without hesitation) – but what can I do to keep me sane when she returns? If I told her I thought she had NPD she would never speak to me again as she believes she is perfect. Please can you offer me some tips?