svenska500 wrote:It is human nature that we desire what we cannot have. This is no mystery. Whether that is something or someone.. physically, emotionally, mentally and so on.. Humans are curious creatures by nature. And in general, when someone of interest enters our life.. we would like to have answers as to why/what/how/who is this person and everything about them that our mind and heart desires.
Once the answers are provided, the hunt, the challenge.. is over. Eventually, the person becomes understandable, predictable, obtainable.. easy. Thus, the next stage of natural love takes over..
Yet with the narc.. the honeymoon phase never transpires any further.. as the first stage of natural love is never met and the next stage of comfortable romantic love never begins.
So true. A sign of immature love. Never develops and never matures. Not love: Lust.
The non becoming more and more in love.. the narc remains the same as they did on day one.
Maturing feelings and genuine acceptance faults included. Love not lust.
Many books discuss the mating game in detail. Many also discuss a form of manipulation that utilizes this knowledge of acting a certain way (regardless of it to be true feelings or not) over the first few months of getting to know someone romantically. This is intended to keep the other person interested. (And it usually works) Yet then, as the normal non-brain works.. both sides eventually let their guard down and reveal their cards.. whether consciously or not.
Interesting. I do notice a cerebral theme. Narcs tend to confer with books and articles when it comes to relationships. Its just a game to be ahead. This is insurance for their fragile hearts. Egos so overblown. But egos are alluring to Nons. Opposites attract.
Yet with a narc, the hunt is never over. The first stage of romance never transpires on to the second. A neverending purgatory for the mate of the narc. The narc-guard is never let down.. and as these months continue.. the romantic feelings obviously escalate with the non.. waiting.. hoping.. desiring.. to move on to the next stage of 'romantic love'..and yet.. the narc is unwilling to give.. which I think perhaps drives the non absolutely crazy.
Its the Narc who ends up losing in the end. Eventually, many Nons will tire or force themselves to leave. They will lick their wounds grateful and ready for the real thing. Narcs sometimes do Nons the favor. My exN asks why the last couple women he dumped ended up married within a year of being in a relationship with him. They ran to the first available normal guy. It was my exN with the wounded ego. Gosh, I hope I'm next!
Is it perhaps the neverending hunt the reason why nons become so attached? Nons are looking for answers as why/what/how/who is this person and why they act as they do.. as so they can move on to the next phase of companionship with their mate.. yet the more they try to find out.. the less they realize they know about whom they ..think.. they have fallen in love with.
It would be a great love story for a Narc to fall in love and leave his reflection where it belongs.. in a mirror. To make a Narc real again could love do that? Reminds me of Great Expectations. The young man tears down the heavy curtains to expose light on the rats and filth to the girl filled with illusions of grandeur.
I've realized this lately with one my new personalities I have been trying out. I do not answer why/what/how/who I am to anyone. I am emotionally vapid and the feelings of affection are the same on day one as on day one hundred. While this person, is now extremely emotionally invested in me and is one hundred fold more into myself than I am about them..I can essentially say anything or treat them as I want.. they don't want to lose me. They are too invested. They just have to try a 'little' harder.. and the 'next' stage of romantic love will come.. (or so they naively believe)
They simply do not understand. How can someone that they have offered so much.. offer so little in return? They think, they just have to give more of themselves.. and in the process.. they lose even more of themselves all in the desire to move on to the next stage of romantic love (which will never happen).. becoming completely drained more and more as each day the feeling intensify.. while the narc remains the same as day one.
Giving is the most rewarding and beautiful thing we can share with each other. To help another is a wonderful thing. Many of your posts Svenska have been helpful. Vapid does not become you. You think it makes you more desirable and its a hooking device for Nons. This is probably true. there are many strategies one can take to gain control of another. I have prove that to myself. But although I feel my exN interests at what expense to myself did I gain this? And is this why I would want him to want me? I hate the idea of anyone treating others like they were expendable. My son used to bury butterflys he found dead in the garden. Lovely things. When you devalue others Svenska, you devalue yourself. I like to think better of you.
Thoughts are welcome on this potential hypothesis..