Our partner

Rejected a Narcissist

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: narcbolan, masquerade, Esquire

Rejected a Narcissist

Postby 1m50l0nl3y » Mon Mar 12, 2012 3:21 pm

Hello everyone, I recently rejected a female Narcissist. This 24 y/o was manipulative, controlling, possesive, jealous, arrogant, center of attention, pseudo intellectual, over sensitive, intolerant, bossy, explosive, the ultimate control freak.
I went through unjustified and illogical tantrums, to being manipulated by making me feel guilty, to lastly being stalked. While in the process she charmed my cousin and my best friend into thinking she was the one for me. All of this only in 3 dates during a 2 week period.

She called me up and asked "Can I see you?" I said "NO", also informed her of my plans of going out with my friend and a couple of girls. To my surprise this individual remained cold, no emotions.
That was the last thing I told her and she just stopped contacting me, no threats, no tantrums, no begging. Nothing.

I have read online that Narcissists tend to take rejection as a serious offense and will try to get revenge at any cost. This girl tried to punish me without me even hurting her, now that I have rejected her I don't know what is on her mind. But I also read that when Narcissists don't feel appreciated they tend to back off forever and get a new supply.

I tried to test her and sent her text asking for forgiveness that I didn't spend so much time with her and informing her that I moved to another town (wich is true). I haven't received a reply yet.

So what are your thoughts about the rejected Narcissist? Do they go for the nasty revenge? Get a new supply? or are they far more cynical and withdraw for a while then pretend they have changed their old ways and return with a new personality that will suit their interests better?
1m50l0nl3y
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:36 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby seventytimes7 » Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:34 pm

Hi 1m :) ,

Welcome onto Psychforums!
I have read online that Narcissists tend to take rejection as a serious offense and will try to get revenge at any cost.

I'm sorry that I don't have any 'rejecting a narcissist completely' tales - I'm not sorry that I haven't been through that but you know what I mean lol - but I did once reject/abandon my N partner because I had to go and spend time in another country away from him. He had begged me to stay so my decision to go was perceived as a rejection of him. I had the prolonged silent treatment, sarcasm, spite and lots of being told I wasn't that important to him anyway swipes and told that he had got new people who were better than me for the things I used to do with him for several months and he blackened my reputation all over town.

I would say that it was a form of revenge for my actions causing him to feel the pain of loss and the fear I would leave him completely, that he felt I deserved punishment for doing that to him. I didn't reject him, I just kept on being reliably 'there' for him and we recovered trust and respect again after those months of conflict & I'm his best, most trusted friend still. If I had wanted out, he'd have found someone else to take my place but it would have damaged him and he would have gotten worse N-traited, not better. That's my own meagre experience :) .
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Philippians 4v8
User avatar
seventytimes7
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:15 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:39 am
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby 1m50l0nl3y » Tue Mar 13, 2012 2:07 am

Hi seventy, yes that sounds to me like the Narcissistic revenge I've been reading about. Silent treatment, sarcasm, devaluating the person and finally attacking the person's reputation.
To be honest I'm sure she will follow that pattern since she is already using the Silent Treatment. This Narcissist became involved with my family and friends, so I fear she decides to ruin my reputation.
Since you already went thru this, and made it safely, do you think there's a way to soften a Narcissist? Is there a way to get on good term with them without becoming their Narcissistic supply?
1m50l0nl3y
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 11:36 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby seventytimes7 » Tue Mar 13, 2012 3:12 am

Personally, I think anyone in a Narcissist's life is there because they provide Supply of some sort otherwise you wouldn't be in their life. They need Supply and if you're prepared to give it in a way that doesn't get you lost (even to yourself), then you can go ahead & give it.

My advice to you would be to inform all your family and friends that she has NPD and talk through the ramefications with them so they know what they might have to deal with from her behavior and the reasons she can't stop herself from doing them. They can support you while not getting hurt/defensive/shocked/retaliatory against her and cause her irreparable damage through Narcissistic Injury.

Work out if you are meant to be in her life or not. Try to work out if you are basing your own actions on what you would like to happen in an ideal world, you're a bit star-struck by her and are romanticizing the relationship or if you genuinely have 'agape' love for her - self-sacrificing, compassionate, forgiving, 'give your life for her' love. Don't lend emotionally what you can't afford to give as a permanent gift. You cannot make this about you as if you're acting on a savior complex, this is not going to be about you for a very, very long time. You may find it better at this point in your life to love her from afar but not be directly in the thick of it. You must decide.

If you do want to be in some sort of relationship with her, you will need to build yourself up first with all knowledge of what she potentially may do or say and how she operates and accept that she will do these so you don't have unrealistic expectations and the barbs will bounce off you. Don't ever try to match her tit-for-tat in her bad behavior patterns thinking you're cleverer than she is, that road leads to bombs exploding down the track because your conscience will wobble before hers will and she can turn around and scorpion you harder because she's been doing this all her life.

I am a born-again Christian so I have God's help but on a human level, I have made it through safely so far because I am really useful Supply. That means I am respected for my talents, character and abilities and my consistent, non-wavering boundaries of morality and house rules for living and I am able to get through to my partner on a deeper level only because of this combo - I am considered on an equal footing (unless he's in a post-Injury rage mood lol), I am desirable to him. Are you desirable to her?

My partner needs to feel loved, accepted, safe from harm (from any source of harm, himself included), valuable in my eyes, respected for his intellect/body/insight/talents etc, held in a position of honor in my life (him first after God alone) and this is paramount - YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY LOVE, RESPECT, VALUE, HONOR, CARE & BELIEVE IN HER GOOD PARTS. Flattery keeps their false self topped up, which is necessary for a while but once you can move into a genuine state of being delighted to be with them come emotional rain or shine, you don't have to lie or exaggerate any more and that's when softening & growth can happen. He trusts me because I am worthy of his trust. Real love, humility & forgiveness over a sustained period of time - your life - is the way forward. You can make mistakes with her and get through it only if you have more good points on her tick list of you than bad. This is not a fairytale, this is a hard mission to undertake lol!

It's a big ask of yourself and no-one would hold it against you if you're not up for it.
I hope that helped, bit bossy, aren't I? :lol:
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Philippians 4v8
User avatar
seventytimes7
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 9:15 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:39 am
Blog: View Blog (9)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby Gelazar » Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:34 am

I'm not sure why you even texted her anyway. Are you sure you really rejected that girl?
Gelazar
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:54 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby DecentPeopleExist! » Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:37 pm

[/quote]All of this only in 3 dates during a 2 week period.[quote]

Yikes, that is abit of a rabbit boiler you've got there!

N's do take rejection as a serious offense because it is a threat to their supply. First they'll attempt to punish you for it, & then usually attempt to reel you back in by way of instilling fear in you or being extra syrupy & sugar sweet. Whichever works. And then if they don't get the attention from you, they'll look to get a new supply elsewhere.

You're actually better off if she doesn't contact you.
DecentPeopleExist!
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:49 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby EarlyMorning » Wed Mar 14, 2012 11:25 am

Im confused why the OP is that bothered about this person, N or not, after only 3 dates...
You're only paranoid if you're wrong...

Once is a mistake, twice is stupidity, any more is a choice

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love

I know what I know. For everything else, there's Google

Don't judge a book by it's cover. Unless it's an atlas
EarlyMorning
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 296
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:04 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby Gelazar » Wed Mar 14, 2012 2:58 pm

EarlyMorning wrote:Im confused why the OP is that bothered about this person, N or not, after only 3 dates...


Pretty obvious why.
Gelazar
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:54 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby EarlyMorning » Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:54 pm

Gelazar wrote:
EarlyMorning wrote:Im confused why the OP is that bothered about this person, N or not, after only 3 dates...


Pretty obvious why.


erm no. *call me dim :s*

-- Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:59 pm --

...and anyway is she really a N? wouldnt she have been lovely and charming for 3 dates? instead of how he says she was? Im confused.

She sounds psychopathic if shes like that from the off. And why anyone would care/want to be with someone who was like that from day one i have no clue! but thats just me.
You're only paranoid if you're wrong...

Once is a mistake, twice is stupidity, any more is a choice

Anger and jealousy can no more bear to lose sight of their objects than love

I know what I know. For everything else, there's Google

Don't judge a book by it's cover. Unless it's an atlas
EarlyMorning
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 296
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 11:04 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:39 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Rejected a Narcissist

Postby Gelazar » Wed Mar 14, 2012 9:19 pm

EarlyMorning wrote:
Gelazar wrote:
EarlyMorning wrote:Im confused why the OP is that bothered about this person, N or not, after only 3 dates...


Pretty obvious why.


erm no. *call me dim :s*

-- Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:59 pm --

...and anyway is she really a N? wouldnt she have been lovely and charming for 3 dates? instead of how he says she was? Im confused.

She sounds psychopathic if shes like that from the off. And why anyone would care/want to be with someone who was like that from day one i have no clue! but thats just me.


My point is he got it wrong about who actually did the rejection.
Gelazar
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 136
Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:54 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 3:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: crystal_richardson_, freyja, Merida, quagmyriad and 149 guests

cron