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NARC vs NARC Text Conversation - A Narc Abusing a Narc???

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NARC vs NARC Text Conversation - A Narc Abusing a Narc???

Postby svenska500 » Sat Mar 10, 2012 2:48 pm

Narcissist vs Narcissist
OUR CONVERSATIONS FROM 02/29/12 to 03/10/12
------------------------------------------------

Ironically recently I was taken advantage of by
a Narcissist friend, when I myself am a Narcissist.

BACKGROUND:
When I met him, I saw him as a 'wounded puppy',
that had just been abandoned by his parents and
left on his own. I would help him find his way
in life and be there for him if he ever needed me,
unconditionally. (Bad Decision)

I went through 6 months of hell and I am still
wondering how this happened, as I thought one with
NPD could not possibly fall victim to an abuser..

Regardless, once I discovered what was going on..
after 6 months of complete and utter abuse and hell,
I went through the emotional wreck stage that
everyone describes for about 24 hours. Within 48
hours I was good. Within 72 hours, I don't even
really care that much anymore. Like with everyone
else in my life.. he barely even exists anymore and
the thought of him has almost disappeared.

By communicating with him and knowing his games,
and tricks and having the power to react in a way
I desired gave me an amazing rush and sense of power
I haven't felt in months..

There are some good things about having this
disorder! This is definitely one of them.. 3 years
to get over someone? 3 days is all I needed after
I decided to discard him. (after 6 months of abuse)

------
These are the actual conversations with the
Narcissist. This is after I had enough after a
horrible Gaslighting Episode, in that he set up a
Dinner Night that he never intended to show up at
and then ended up blaming it on me later that
evening.

Most all of my feelings/emotions expressed are
simply to make him feel like he has some control.

Albeit, I must admit, some of it does have some
emotion attached to it. He does know what strings
to pull. Albeit, most nothing is working as you
will see.

====================================================

Psyeudonyms to Follow the Conversations:

ME = JOHN (Not Real Name) [32 Year Old Male with NPD]
HIM = ERIC (Not Real Name) [18 Year Old Male with NPD]


Starting 24 hours after a Gaslighting episode where I
had enough and said 'I have nothing further to say to
you. Have a good night.'

--------------------------------------------
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 29TH, 2012 | 8:49pm PST
--------------------------------------------

ERIC:
Hello.
<8:49pm>

ERIC:
Fuxk you.
<10:06pm>

ERIC:
You are so fake.
<10:07pm>

ERIC:
I hops you feel good for what you are abou togave
done.
<10:24pm>

[ He is either drunk or pretending to be drunk. ]
[ He uses alcohol as an excuse to blame his ]
[ 'forgetfulness' and/or actions of the previous ]
[ day/evening/etc.. What exactly have I done? I ]
[ didn't respond to his text in 1.5 hours on a ]
[ night where I could be sleeping is all that is ]
[ apparently needed for him to blow his lid on ]
[ me. ]

--------------------------------------------
FRIDAY, MARCH 2ND, 2012 | 10:41pm PST
--------------------------------------------

ERIC:
Why did you change so much from wanting to get dinner
Tuesday? I understand being frusterated, but not
hating me
<10:41pm>

[ Changed from Tuesday? I haven't even made ]
[ any attempt at communication with him since ]
[ Tuesday. How does he know I changed? ]
[ Frusterated? Frustrated that 'I' was not ]
[ able to see him for gaslighting me into ]
[ setting me up to stand me up and then blame ]
[ it on me? Nice way not to take blame. ]

ERIC:
Jonathan?
<11:59pm>

[ Umm.. that isn't my name. In 6 months that we ]
[ have known each other, I have never told him ]
[ that is how to say my name, nor have I ever ]
[ gone by my full name to anyone, ever. ]

ERIC:
Can you please at least let me know you're informing
me? Ignoring*
<12:01am>

[ He doesn't ask how I felt about what he did to ]
[ me. He wants to know how to feel better about ]
[ himself, by figuring out why I'm not responding. ]

ERIC:
Ill leave you alone. I'm sorry
<12:09am>

[ Typical sympathy response, before he lashes out ]
[ on me after I usually responded in the past. ]

--------------------------------------------
TUESDAY, MARCH 6TH, 2012 | 12:10am PST
--------------------------------------------

JOHN:
Eric, I do not hate you. I have never asked anything
from you, but for you to keep being you. I know how
it feels sometimes.. because I've been there myself
and still struggle with it at times. As I've always
told you, I unconditionally respect the choices you
make in life to deal with it all.

But.. I absolutely will not tolerate complete
disrespect in return. I have an extremely busy life
and barely have time for anything these days. I know
you are sometimes in situations that could turn really
bad.. really quick.

And that is why I told you long ago, that I would
do my very best to unconditionally be there for you as
someone to rely on if a bad situation did arise, which
is why I have always tried my best to return your
messages as soon as I could in the case that you were
in such a bad situation.

Albeit, I also told you that this came with the
condition not to be abused. As cold as I am.. I am
not made of stone. All I have ever asked from you in
return is respect. As said, my life is extremely busy
and things are going great right now for me. I don't
and will not tolerate being treated in a disrespectful
manner.

What you do and how you live your life is your
decision and I fully respect it. If you cannot
respect me, then I think it is best that you move on
with your life and perhaps sometime in the future I
may see you around. Like I've always said, I just
want you to be happy.. whether I am in your life, or
not. But.. I absolutely will not tolerate disrespect.
I am too busy and too many good things are going on
right now for me to even consider putting up with
disrespect from anyone. - John
<12:10am>

ERIC:
Hahahha. Oh Jonathan. You're probably drunk.
Anyways. Goodbye.
<12:16am>

[ My name is not Jonathan! It is John. Who the ]
[ hell is Jonathan? Goodbye? Well, he made the ]
[ decision to discard me obviously after his ]
[ opportunity to respect me was provided. ]
[ Goodbye and good riddance.. or so I thought. ]

JOHN:
Nope.. sober. But anyways, take care out there. Have
a good night.
<12:25am>

--------------------------------------------
FRIDAY, MARCH 9TH, 2012 | 10:33pm PST
--------------------------------------------

ERIC:
I miss you. I don't like this at all.
<10:33pm>

[ Apparently he forgot that he used this exact same ]
[ statement on me previously. (It worked before..) ]

JOHN:
Umm you are the one that said goodbye to me. Like
I told you when we first met, I get over people like
they never even existed. I've done it to everyone my
entire life. It's not a big deal for me. I knew you
were trying to manipulate me since the beginning.. I
knew all the lies.. All the bullsh*t.. but I accepted
them unconditionally as long as you 'treated me' with
respect as I had to you. I didnt judge you for what
you did, because it is in your nature. As it is in
mine. I cannot actually care or share intimacy for
anyone. I've accepted that. And that's why you
confused me. I don't know what I saw.. I just know I
saw part of how my life was in you.. It had nothing to
do with sex, attraction or anything. I just felt like
we connected on a level.. You pulled that ridiculous
stunt on me and I didn't deserve that bullsh*t. All
you had to say is you didn't feel comfortable talking
or whatever. Not set me up like that and blame it on
me. F**kedup
<10:44pm>

ERIC:
What?! Are you kidding?! I didn't blame SH*T on you.
I didn't say f**king anything and you completely
turned off like a light switch because I didn't
respond to a couple texts? Really? I have never been
treated like such garbage by someone for not getting
back to them in a timely manner. That was pathetic of
you to think that I was ignored you or avoiding you.
Screw you. I won't even get into the details of what
was going on in my life during that time. But that's
how you judge your relationships (via texting) with
other people? Then you can f**k yourself because I
have never heard of something so shallow."
<10:48pm>

[ Apparently telling me 'F**k You' - 'F**k Off' and ]
[ 'You Will be sorry for what you just did.' after ]
[ him blaming me for a Gaslighting Episode means to ]
[ him = "I didn't say f**king anything.." As well, ]
[ he has refused to talk to me on the phone or see ]
[ me in person for the past month, as he has only ]
[ 'allowed' me to 'text' him to communicate with ]
[ his wonderful 'way too busy to see me 'self'. ]

JOHN:
I'm talking about meeting for dinner. . 'omg dinner
was great!'
<10:49pm>

[ He set up a 'fake dinner outting that he never ]
[ intended to go on. I asked him what time and ]
[ he ignored the messages. He then sent me a ]
[ text hours later blaming me for not showing up. ]

ERIC:
Oh. Awesome. End a friendship over a single f**king
text. SO F**KING MATURE. god damn Jonathan.
<10:51pm>

[ Ironic.. I didn't end anything? He is the one ]
[ that told me Goodbye when I asked him for some ]
[ respect. Well I am glad he makes himself feel ]
[ better for blaming what he did on me.. ]

ERIC:
"What I did was immature. But your response? Don't
get me started."
<10:51pm>

[ Wait. Didn't he just I was being immature in ]
[ the same statement? Someone needs to make up ]
[ their mind who is not being mature here. ]

JOHN:
Are you willing to admit that you never had any
intentions with meeting with me on Tuesday?
<10:53pm>

ERIC:
No? I texted you for a reason. Why would I have
texted you if I didn't want to see you?
<10:53pm>

[ Well, yes he did text me. Albeit, he texted me ]
[ letting me know that I wouldn't be seeing him. ]

ERIC:
I don't plan sh*t that far ahead. The fact that I did
with you? That meant something to me. You have no
f**king CLUE how much that upset me. No. F**king.
Clue.
<10:54pm>

[ It should mean something to me that he planned ]
[ to gaslight me a week in advance as opposed to ]
[ within a day or two? I should be honored with ]
[ his amazing thought and consideration to spend ]
[ all that time to gaslight me apparently. ]

JOHN:
So you never got my message asking what time to meet?
<10:54pm>

JOHN:
You messaged me Sunday, telling me not to forget about
Tuesday night. I asked you what time.. You ignored me
and then blamed it on me.
<10:55pm>

ERIC:
I got the text when I texted you it was so good having
dinner with you. I am a terrible texter. I dont
respond 80% of the time. You should realize that I
text you back more than I do my own brother
<11:01pm>

[ He got my 3 texts from the 3 days before at the ]
[ same time he texted me? Strange, since he said ]
[ that he did read the texts earlier, just that ]
[ he is really bad at responding to them. It also ]
[ appears that I should feel special as he texts ]
[ me back more than his brother. Wait. He has ]
[ a brother? He told me he was an only child? ]

JOHN:
On Sunday.. Two days before we met.. You messaged me..
Telling me not to forget about Tuesday. Do you
remember that?
<11:03pm>

ERIC:
Were supposed to meet.
<11:03pm>

ERIC:
Yes. I remember that. And I didn't reply until the
evening we were supposed to meet. Yes. I'll admit I
didn't respond. But your reaction to me not
responding was sooooo rude.
<11:05pm>

[ After blaming his gaslight on me.. My rude ]
[ Response: "I have nothing further to say ]
[ with you. Have a good night." ]

ERIC:
Can we just reschedule or something? I feel like it
was my fault for how I responded to you that Tuesday
didn't work
<11:09pm>

[ I thought he just said it was my fault for being ]
[ 'sooooo rude?' Who's fault is it? Mine or his?? ]

JOHN:
I was at a friends party the next evening after I told
you to have a good night. I checked my phone and
received three messages. 'f**k you' 'you are so fake'
and that I was going to be sorry for what I just did.
<11:09pm>

ERIC:
I was angry and did stupid things that I didn't mean.
None of it was your fault. I was emotionally upset
because of many things. None of it was because of
you.
<11:13pm>

ERIC:
I was angry
<11:13pm>

[ I honestly do appreciate this. I think he was ]
[ being earnest here, from what I know about him. ]
[ ADVICE HERE WOULD BE MUCH APPRECIATED! ]

JOHN:
Now do you perhaps understand where I am coming from
with how I felt? Ignoring my messages for three days,
blaming not showing up on me for you not responding
and then telling me to f**k off and that I would be
sorry for what I had just done.
<11:17pm>

JOHN:
I told you, I do not hate you. Most anyone that would
have done that to me, would have been out of my life
in 24 hours of less and i wouldn't have cared. Yes, I
can shut off like a faucet with people like you. I
simply am not capable of intimacy, affection or
caring. And for some ridiculous reason, I really did
care about you.
<11:20pm>

JOHN:
And you did that to me.
<11:20pm>

JOHN:
Anyways, you did apologize.. And I hope you understand
why I became so upset. Anyways I'm out tonite. If you
want to talk some other time, that's fine. Have a
good night Eric.
<11:21pm>

ERIC:
Ok. It was my fault. Goodnight John.
<11:27pm>

[ His tactics are not working and he is raging. ]
[ on the inside.. albeit trying not to show it. ]
[ This is where he usually expects my response ]
[ apologizing or me begging him to talk with me ]
[ as so he can take out all his anger on me and ]
[ make me apologize or he will never talk to me ]
[ again, etc.. Which I always did in the past.. ]

ERIC:
You really don't want to talk about it?
<11:32pm>

[ Umm.. he just told me Goodnight 5 minutes ago? ]
[ Nice try but I'm not falling for that anymore. ]
[ I can spend my night without you blaming your ]
[ screwed up life on me and making me feel like ]
[ I am in the wrong here. ]

JOHN:
Eric, I already have plans already set this weekend.
<11:35pm>

ERIC:
Ok
<11:37pm>

[ He is absolutely flustered & confused right now. ]
[ None of his tactics at getting an emotional ]
[ response from me are working. He will now spend ]
[ the next 30 minutes trying to figure out a way ]
[ get me to engage with him.. after ending this ]
[ conversation twice already. ]

ERIC:
Oh and by the way, if I ever respected and cared for
someone "unconditionally", I definitely don't think I
would tell them to have a good life. Don't pretend to
be the bigger man Jonathan. Good move. But totally
uncalled for. Thanks.
<12:02pm>

[ Okay 25 minutes. I was close. And.. I said that? ]
[ I don't think I have ever told anyone to 'have a ]
[ good life'.. Gaslighting and blaming everything ]
[ on me again.. That was unexpected.. ]

ERIC:
In case you were wondering, the word 'unconditionally'
means "without limitation or boundaries. Never
ending". Not, "when John Marrington deems
appropriate".
<12:04pm>

ERIC:
JUST fyi
<12:04pm>

[ I'm glad he can find himself appearing to be ]
[ intelligent by looking up 'unconditionally' ]
[ in the dictionary. Well, at least he almost ]
[ spelled my last name correctly. I only have ]
[ known him for 6 months. I shouldn't expect ]
[ so much from him, as to know my last name. I ]
[ mean it only took him 3 months to realize I ]
[ had blocked him on Facebook. ]

JOHN:
Eric.. On Tuesday I messaged you responding to your
message about me hating you. I told you i did not hate
you. I then said that I simply asked you to respect
me. You responded something to the terms of.. "haha.
Oh John. You're probably drunk. Anyways. Goodbye."
do you remember that?
<12:07am>

JOHN:
I did not tell you to have a good life. I did not kick
you out of my life. I never ended anything.. You made
it apparent that you had no intention of respecting me
and told me goodbye.
<12:13am>

ERIC:
" I think it is best that you move on with your life
and perhaps sometime in the future I may see you
around. Like I've always said, I just want you to be
happy."
<12:15am>

[ Umm.. Nice copy/paste job. At least I know he ]
[ keeps all my messages still. Unfortunately he ]
[ left out the most important part, thus making ]
[ this statement appear as though I had left him ]
[ when it was actually the other way around. ]
[ Luckily I kept our conversation as well, as to ]
[ ensure I could correct him, with the proper ]
[ statement.. unedited. ]

JOHN:
"I don't want will not tolerate being treated in a
disrespectful manner. What you do and how you live
your life is your decision and I fully respect it. If
you cannot respect me, then I think it is best that
you moved on with your life and perhaps sometime in
the future I may see you around."
<12:19am>

JOHN:
You laughed and didn't respond any further until
tonite.
<12:20am>

ERIC:
You don't know what happened. I was drunk. I honestly
miss someone I am comfortable around and I didn't take
you for granted, but I didn't appreciate what you
fully meant to me.
<12:22am>

[ I don't know what happened? I just copied and ]
[ pasted exactly what happened. He laughed at ]
[ me when I asked him for respect and then told ]
[ me 'I' was probably drunk, before ]
[ condesendingly telling me 'Goodbye.' And he is ]
[ is comfortable around me.. albeit it has been ]
[ so long since he has seen me, that he forgot ]
[ where I actually live from a previous message. ]

ERIC:
I want you in my life and I completely mean that
<12:23am>

[ You mean, you want me in your life 'tonite'. ]
[ And then I probably won't see you for another ]
[ month or so.. until you want me in your life ]
[ again.. ]

JOHN:
I kept my phone on and around me, at all hours of the
day... even when I slept.. And tried my damn best to
respond as soon as I could to all of your messages in
the case that something had ever happened to you..
Whether you got in an accident from drinking and
driving, someone took advantage of you while blacked
out or anything else happened.. You had someone that
would unconditionally be there for you and actually
seriously give a f**k about making sure you were
okay.. Remember I told you that I wanted you to
understand that I would always be there for you.. That
you should never feel alone in this world.. I have
NEVER done that for anyone. EVER.. But you.. And you
lied, constantly tried to manipulate me, stepped all
over me and then laughed at me in my face for it. How
should I feel about that.
<12:34am>

ERIC:
I tried manipulating you!? How the f**k do you
possibly think I tried to manipulate you?!
<12:36am>

[ How dare me think such a ridiculous thing.. ]

JOHN:
Eric.. Your emotional intelligence level is
ridiculously high. You know that. There is a reason
you cannot connect with most people, regardless of how
hard you try. They simply do not operate at your
level. I never thought you meant any harm to me and
simply did things when you were drunk or out of
habit.. So I never brought it up.. I simply understood
and accepted some of your actions and tried not to
take them personally. And because I've been doing the
same to people my entire life, I should not criticize.
But that last week, was just out of bounds. I felt as
though you completely and totally had no respect on
any grounds. Albeit you apologized. And I do accept
your apology. I am not without fault. And if I ever
do anything you do not see right, I would hope that
you would have always called me out on it as well.
<12:45am>

JOHN:
Anyways like i said, I'm out right now. Have a good
night k
<12:46am>

[ Hating him is not the answer. I was in complete ]
[ control here and wanted to give him a response ]
[ other than anger, to show that I was centered. ]

--------------------

For these 6 months, this has been my personal hell!
I never realized what was going on until I read up
on NPD.

Very therapeutic indeed to realize that I am not
the crazy one and by writing these comments and
rereading them through. It all matches up.

Ironically, I have NPD as well, albeit I am quite
covert about it. Keep in mind, he is 18, I am 32.

I still question how I could have become a victim
to it, when I have the diagnosis of it.. and do the
same to others and have my entire life..

Comments are welcome and appreciated.
Last edited by svenska500 on Sat Mar 10, 2012 9:54 pm, edited 9 times in total.
Be extremely subtle, even to the point of formlessness. Be extremely mysterious, even to the point of soundlessness. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate. - Sun Tzu
svenska500
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Re: A Text Conversation With My EX-NARC - A MUST READ

Postby BlueFlower » Sat Mar 10, 2012 4:19 pm

I can see the tables turning at 12:07.

Then you began engaging again at 12:34; which is what he wanted. Major supply here.

Important thing, is that you realize manipulations.

My ex did something similar---orchestrate an event then blow me off. I believe this to be a common N move. (however, deep down I knew I was being set up.) Anyways, when I did NOT mention the blow-off (he was expecting me to call in a tirade) he called to apologize. When I seemed unfazed, he got confused and frustrated. (experiment a success!)

This was follwed by accusations of me being "uncaring," and cold. Apparently, he was hoping that his absence would drive me to make desperate attempts to contact him, and I would be compelled to profess my undying love and respect for him. (supply) NOT.

Days later, he goes apesh*t and D&Ds me. I never contacted him again.

This is how I orchestrated getting out of my sicko relationship. I had wanted out for some time; but didn't know how without a huge dramatic episode, or him knowing I wanted out. (I think deep down he felt it, tho) Thing is, no matter what happens, or how a relationship ends, the N will either claim victory, or use the victim card to get more supply. (or both!) Basically, they justify but never actually "learn" relationship lessons--being supply driven, attention is what they seek, not intimacy. Maybe headgames are their closeness, who knows.

Dealing with N bullsh*t makes you crazy; and brings you down to a lower operating level just to "get your point across." Overall, you did well. Hopefully you can move on to a relationship where both parties are better emotionally matched. (in a maturity sense) Good luck.
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Re: A Text Conversation With My EX-NARC - A MUST READ

Postby tomster » Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:07 pm

A really good post, actually seeing a full-blown conversation with a non and someone with NPD is eye opening - I can see the behaviours in your post and what I would do too, definitely wants me to make me leave my ex to it a lot more.

Thanks.
"If everything isn't perfect, then at least you know it's real" - Random MTV show
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Re: A Text Conversation With My EX-NARC - A MUST READ

Postby mermer » Sat Mar 10, 2012 8:16 pm

I kept my phone on and around me, at all hours of the
day... even when I slept.. And tried my damn best to
respond as soon as I could to all of your messages in
the case that something had ever happened to you..
Whether you got in an accident from drinking and
driving, someone took advantage of you while blacked
out or anything else happened.. You had someone that
would unconditionally be there for you and actually
seriously give a ###$ about making sure you were
okay.. Remember I told you that I wanted you to
understand that I would always be there for you.. That
you should never feel alone in this world.. I have
NEVER done that for anyone. EVER.. But you..


But this is...shall we say, equivalent to love --

I think I asked the question before, I'm still quite obsessed with it:
so there is someone, narc terminator, out there for narcs, could be a heavier weighted narc, or someone not available, someone could crack a narc (scored 39 out of 40, been diagnosed ),
just by playing the same game (not on purpose, but by nature, of the person, or of the situation).

Which might be a good thing for the cracked in a bigger picture,could be the crack of dawn.
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