BlueFlower wrote:Smile. Be polite. Don't let yourself be cornered by her, make sure you stay in a crowd. Let her do the talking and make an @$$ out of herself. Nod in agreement. If she asks questions, be vague. "Yes, we're fine. Job is nice. Life is good." That type of stuff. Then excuse yourself, or look pre-occupied.
Treat her as someone you have little association with--like a neighbor-- and you'll do fine.
Or you could just do that, yeah. lol
BlueFlower- "Like a neighbor" is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I keep hearing all these negative reactions...or ignore her....etc. All of them are not how I would normally act and it still expells this energy that I feel is wasted on someone who will just suck it up with no remorse good or bad.
I do not like my neighbors but I do not dislike them either....I am pretty much just hey, see ya later......that's great sort of person with them. I have no problem acting like this with her and feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you! Very simple statement yet the most helpful I have ever had.
Narcbolan- I didn't want to give specific details because I feel like it is the same story here over and over again. She uses things against me, cheats on her husband, turns the family upside down, has babies to keep said husband around, creates drama and chaos wherever she goes, expects special treatment, and whenever anyone calls her out on anything it is a huge fit where she screams and cries and plays the victim. When we STILL don't fall for the victim card....that's when she gets very mean and just sick. She has said the most hateful things I wouldn't even think of. So yeah....there is no doubt she has issues.....this whole NC thing is new to me though and it is hard because she is married to my DH's brother. His relationship with his brother is suffering and there is no way we can totally avoid her without cutting him off too. So, we are stuck here.......
I appreciate your advice as well. The book is something I have not looked at and will do. Also, the shields example is a great tool for me to put to use in conversation with her.......and those conversations are EXHAUSTING.
Would it be a bad idea for me to just walk away? Or tell her to stop talking? Really, I am to that point now. I can't stand to hear her voice....it is like nails on a chalk board. All she does is talk and talk and talk about other people's lives and how much better she is than they are. She will try to get me to agree....then she'll ask me questions and I know she's just getting info to go to the next person with about me.
Get this....her ex best freind (One of MANY broken relationships)....went through a terrible tragedy and lost her father. Usually in this situation....ex freind or not....I would call the person or send a card...SOMETHING to let them know I care......OR, I would completely leave them alone and not gossip about it either.
My SIL did none of the above. She made an appointment at the girls salon to get the latest gossip from the people there.....and then proceeded to call me and everyone else to let us know what she found out. Nothing had to do with the other girl's well being either...it was about how much her life is going to suck now because her "daddy" won't be there with a paycheck anymore to support her...blah blah blah. I think she was actually excited that this girls dad died so she didn't have to be jealous of her buying nice things anymore. She seemed sickly excited when she talked about it.......I could hear her smiling over the phone. It made me sick to my stomach. That was actually one of the tipping points where I realized she was toxic and I really distanced myself after that.
Sorry for the rant....I cold go on for days about what she has done! I feel like I'm turning in to her fast talking maniac self whenever she is brought up......the anger and frustration I feel is like nothing I have felt before. She literally makes me feel like I'm going to go crazy sometimes. Hopefully the NC will make it better. It has been 2 months now......I've heard it gets worse before it gets better so we will see!