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talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

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talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby Psyquest » Fri Feb 03, 2012 4:43 pm

You may have encountered this before.. a person who talks and talks and talks endlessly, sometimes for hours without letting anyone else enter the "conversation", not even their "listeners". There are no pauses or breaks, the topic is all about them and every last trivial thought they have that they can think of. If you look/walk away they keep talking as if nothing has changed. When you "rudely" cut in to ask a question or make a comment they either don't hear you or pause briefly and say "hmmm?" and then keep talking about themselves. It is an unbearable monologue that drives everyone away. If something does happen to loosen their grip (eg. a child enters the room and starts telling a story or someone else enters the room with some big news) they automatically glaze over and sometimes look slightly hurt or embarassed. Whatever the case, they have noooooo interest in anything anyone else has to say as they are swept up in themselves and really just want to stay there. Other people's words are just an interference of outside noise.

Anyone experienced that? Can anyone shed some light?
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby Greatexpectations » Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:49 pm

I think talking too much is a sign of narcissism. At least all the Ns I have known do it. My mother talked nonstop to everyone she met, hardly pausing for breath. Ironically, I her own dear little daughter, I was ignored, neglected and rarely spoken to.
My N ex husband was the same, 'conversation' was just a boring endless monologue of his voice. If I dared to try to speak he would say angrily "Don't interrupt me" or his favourite, "LET ME FINISH!!" but he never did finish. I was a quiet, avoidant type anyway so I never spoke much, which suited him.
If I persisted in trying to speak narc rage would set in. He would feel (I assume), insulted, indignant. How dare I.
If in company, and someone else spoke his eyes would glaze over, he would seem to go into a dream. He was unable to listen, only his own voice was of any interest to him.
Well, he was histrionic so unless he was the centre of attention he was bored silly anyway.
Other people's words are just an interference of outside noise.
Yes thats exactly it.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby BlueFlower » Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:44 pm

Blech.

Annoying as heck!

Those with other disorders...like Aspergers...do this too. It may be that the person is unaware of social cues; or just don't give a crap. Speaking of crap, my husband's former co-worker would actually follow his "listeners" into the bathroom during his monologues. Gross.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby nauticaboo » Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:59 am

My ex was also notorious for this. If I so much as asked him a literal "yes" or "no" question, he would talk to my for AT LEAST an hour, non-stop, even if it was apparent that I was doing something (like watching tv, or trying to go to sleep). He was also notorious for calling me while I was at work, and trying to talk to me for over an hour. He was so wrapped up in his monologues that he would never notice that I wasn't paying attention, even if we were face-to-face (or something similar). On the phone it was simple - I'd just put it down, and pick it up about 30 minutes later and give some reason why I had to go.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby Psyquest » Sat Feb 04, 2012 1:58 am

thanks everyone for your responses. They painted some oh-so-familiar pictures to me. It is really important when I can relate to others about this.. really helps me work through this stuff.

This is something I have had to deal with all of my life from a number of family members. It starts off as boring and monotonous and then progresses to frustrating and finally makes me start going berserk. I can see the children of these people also suffering in exactly the same way. It is so hard to know what to do when I see their kids going through this. There is a lot of pent up rage in these kids because of this but NM is blissfully unaware. I want to reach out to them (kids) or try to help them deal with it in some way but just don't know how.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby margharris » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:12 am

Imagine what it must be like if they get into texting you. You would end up paying for the interruptions. My DIL was into twittering. Ever wanted to know, "I'm finally sitting on the couch... Who cares!!!!! Every detail of her world was shared.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby nauticaboo » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:25 am

margharris wrote:Imagine what it must be like if they get into texting you. You would end up paying for the interruptions. My DIL was into twittering. Ever wanted to know, "I'm finally sitting on the couch... Who cares!!!!! Every detail of her world was shared.


This is also familiar. Before the days of unlimited texting, my ex wracked up $250 worth of texting fees in the first month that I met him. He didn't post every little detail of what was happening in his life on Twitter. He is a mechanic, so what would be small one or two sentence status updates for most people on Facebook, would become a six page status about something minute having to deal with cars. He would try to act like people asked him these questions, but in reality it was just that he liked to give out his 'infinite knowledge' to the uneducated masses.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby Psyquest » Sat Feb 04, 2012 2:51 pm

Ironically they know nothing about what is going on in your life.

I once remember that I had just split up with my common law partner of 3 years. I was young and this was a devastating experience for me and I was really struggling to come to terms with it. I went to visit one of the Ns in my life for a few days, hoping to talk to her about it. Instead I got the perpetual monologue of minutiae, where she shared very detailed information and stories about anything and everything that came into her head. Eg a co-worker's son had a cold (took an hour to describe that). It was toward the end of the visit that I finally busted into her infinite rant and blurted out that my partner and I had split up. She went quiet for a moment, not sure why I was interrupting and looked a bit lost in her own thoughts. The spell quickly broke and she continued right on with what she was saying before I had interrupted her. That was it. Listened a little more and it was time to go. End of visit. Thank god.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby margharris » Sat Feb 04, 2012 9:21 pm

Oh so true. They never hear any of your story. I know my mother doesn't even know my children's surname after 35 years. Middle names beyond her reach too. I can get a full broadcast of her cleaner's son's life though.
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Re: talking too much - a sign of narcissism?

Postby Run » Sun Feb 05, 2012 10:18 am

margharris wrote: I can get a full broadcast of her cleaner's son's life though.


Typical!
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