I am deeply in love with a male N and sincerely would do anything to make him happy. But I now realise I need to draw a line under it/move on and would like some help or advice.
I have read and studied everything about NPD in the (stupid) hope that perhaps I could make him happy and that if I helped him to feel in control around me, perhaps he would get to the stage where "he liked how he was when he was around me" (which I once read is the closest thing an NPD can feel to love).
I have totally disguised my desire for a long term relationship with him and have not been clingy, just entirely accepting of his demands and desire to be in control. He seems very happy when he's with me. He told me recently that he feels relaxed with me.
But it's at a stage where he very rarely calls me or gets in touch - to the point where any contact is now really me maintaining contact with him. He calls me when convenient as always but this is now once every few weeks and stretching out to longer and longer periods. He is also rude in his treatment of me - so he says "let's do X next week" raising my hopes of seeing him and then never follows up. I never complain about this because I accept this as part of his NPD and need to be in control and I am always happy to see him.
Despite my good intentions and my strong feelings for him, I realise that I can't cope with his total disinterest in me. It would be OK if he actually followed up and wanted to see me a bit more often. It's great when I see him and I really enjoy it. But he is so disinterested the rest of the time.
(I still love him and would do anything to make him happy - so if anyone has any ideas as to how I can manage my own feelings that would be great.)
BUT I think I need to move on and draw a line under it which will break my heart but keep me from feeling so constantly rejected and alone in the periods he stays away.
What is the best thing to do? Should I just wait til he gets in touch and claim to be busy? Or contact him and tell him it isn't working but I still want to be friends? Or just ignore him if he gets in touch? Or tell him honestly how I really feel (not that I love him but that lack of contact doesn't work for me)?
I'm really at a loss. I don't want to anger him or upset him. Although I thought I could cope, I can't.