imjustagirl wrote:The moment "YOU" (LOL) cause a narcissistic injury by reacting to some totally ludicrous thing they've said or done, you will start the devalue process and it will only get worse and worse until they discard you all together.
This reminds me of when my ex got mad at me for being mad that he paid for his ex-girlfriend's plane ticket to come visit him. This is after we had been fighting about their inappropriate relationship. But... as my therapist pointed out, I set the stage for this by putting up with their inappropriate relationship (talking almost every day) for six months. He had a harem of women around him at all times to provide NS.
He did so many ludicrous, unbelievable things and every time I reacted, he skillfully turned the tables so I would end up apologizing or begging him not to leave me. It was pure insanity. Now he's married to someone who's a lot like him. I'm so curious how that works. They may be divorced by now, I have no way of knowing. She's been married three times, so she doesn't have the best track record.
Anyway, the point is, this pattern keeps repeating itself and it needs to stop. My therapist thinks I can prevent this pattern, by calmly asserting my needs early on in the relationship. A narcissist will not stick around for this, so it's an easy way to weed them out. Trouble is, I need to learn how to do this because I'm a classic co-dependent who was conditioned at a very young age to deny my needs and feelings to accommodate a BPD/NPD mother and a deeply wounded father who relied on me for a little sliver of happiness in his miserable existence. So... I have a long way to go but I'm willing to do the work.
With crisis comes opportunity. These people enter our lives to reveal these patterns and cause just enough pain so we're compelled to change (co-dependency, victim-mentality, whatever our issue is).