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Underdeveloped Personality/Narcissistic Disorder

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Re: Underdeveloped Personality/Narcissistic Disorder

Postby BlueFlower » Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:37 pm

Pepper;

Was wondering what your intention is in dealing with these folk. On the one hand, you claim they are ignorant, judgemental and lizard-like. But yet you want to show them love and acceptance. Why is that? In hopes that they will change? To prove to them you are a good person and 'worthy'?

And now, because of their chosen behavoir patterns over the years, they have "nicknames" and people snicker behind their backs. I don't understand why this concerns you; unless you are directly affected by it.

In my experience, folks like this rarely change, and get worse with age. I do believe that many N traits are learned behavior (I have had many) that can be changed with awareness and the willingness to do so. However, if your Aunties' behaviors have been learned and reinforced by each other over the years, it's pretty much entrenched in them. They are who they are and it's as good as it's gonna get.

What are your plans so far?
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Re: Underdeveloped Personality/Narcissistic Disorder

Postby pepperplant » Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:11 am

Hi Blue Flower,
I just saw your post.
They are my immediate family, and I do feel love for them most of the time.
I went 5 years without seeing them. I changed myself, got over the hurt and anger, I think that's why Ueler saw me the way he did.
There's a nicer, more fun world out there, relationships can be good & life more fun when this narc crap is dealt with, whether the giver or reciever.
It really makes me angry when people talk & laugh about them behind thier backs, and I wanted to defend them.
I invited them over for Christmas, the one who had came over for Thanksgiving, would only come over on Christmas eve at noon, and she brought her own food & made sure I understood that she was only going to stay 1-1/2 hrs etc. She ended up staying 3 hrs. and she seemed to have fun. When she did speak, I gave her my undivided attention and showed alot of interest in what she was saying, she seemed very uneasy and would cross and rub here arms, almost shy like. It seems a N would love this type of attention. Thoughts?
My mother would only come over Christmas day because my aunt who was here C. eve was having Christmas day with thier brother, who my mother doesn't like, that is why she came to my house. She made sure I knew that. She immediately sat in front of the TV and that's all we did all day. No social interaction whatsoever. Any type of conversation had to do with the show or the volume. Then it started getting dark and she left.
I used to take all this personal,but not anymore, they act like this with everyone.
Thier bro. my uncle, won't come to my house because he doesn't like the fact that my son likes a certain football team and has long hair. His daughter won't aknowledge him as her father.
I could still let all this hurt me, and try to fix everything, but ###$ it, forget it, its over. I managed not to get drunk and worry about it, or have a "why me, what lottery in hell did I win to have this family" pity party.
I was always looking for the big happy family I would see on TV or in the movies. Those were the ones I wanted to prove I was worthy & a good person, mostly I wanted to prove I was loving & caring.
I have a question, why do Narcissists refuse to engage in social gossip?
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Re: Underdeveloped Personality/Narcissistic Disorder

Postby BlueFlower » Tue Dec 27, 2011 5:34 am

pepperplant wrote:I have a question, why do Narcissists refuse to engage in social gossip?


They prefer outright slander.
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Re: Underdeveloped Personality/Narcissistic Disorder

Postby Not a Victim » Wed Dec 28, 2011 1:45 am

pepperplant wrote:I have a question, why do Narcissists refuse to engage in social gossip?

The one I knew was a master at that :) the secret would not stay with him too long. He is probably discussing me behind my back, as we speak :)
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