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Narcissists being ignored

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Narcissists being ignored

Postby Fairytale » Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:17 am

People here who have been victims of Narcissists often warn others to avoid them at all costs and maintain no contact, etc. I am thinking if that actually makes Narcissists suffer more and deepens their disorder? It's probably more for self-preservation for the nons than anything else. But I am just curious if this causes any harm to the Narcissists and makes them feel betrayed or something like that. My guess is that they would get angry and continue their patterns and distrust the nons. Then, the cycle repeats again.

Is there a neutral way to handle relationships with Narcissists so that there wouldn't be emotional injury on either side?
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby BlueFlower » Sat Nov 19, 2011 3:20 pm

Fairytale wrote: My guess is that they would get angry and continue their patterns and distrust the nons. Then, the cycle repeats again.


This is the end result of relationships with Narcissists. In my experience, their defense mechanisms kick in no matter what the circumstances, blame the non, and the ritual continues with the next person.

For a relationship to actually work (in the land of kittens and rainbows,) the Narcissist would have to reset to trust, or the non would have to become a submissive yes-man or a very strong Buddhist.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby MsMeow » Thu Jan 05, 2012 8:28 am

Yes. I really wonder if ignoring an N actually affects them more than assumed. I assume its a blip on their screen and no bother at all. But maybe they are losing sleep over it. I can't help to wonder and perhaps it is a matter of an individual basis. I'm never going to respond to my ex N ever again. It hurts me to do this. But I have no choice if I want to be happy.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby talula » Thu Jan 05, 2012 9:30 am

[i]For a relationship to actually work (in the land of kittens and rainbows,) the Narcissist would have to reset to trust, or the non would have to become a submissive yes-man or a very strong Buddhist.[/i]


That last bit made me lol. So true. With all the will and desire in the world you can want to 'help' them see the light as it were, but if you aren't helping them on their own terms, ie. with constant NS, then it's nearly impossible.

But I am just curious if this causes any harm to the Narcissists and makes them feel betrayed or something like that. My guess is that they would get angry and continue their patterns and distrust the nons. Then, the cycle repeats again.


They do get hurt. Definately, and it shows through their anger, and aggressive behaviour, and they can definately feel betrayed. It's part of the course when you are with them, that you will eventually 'betray' them in their eyes. Unless as that person said up there, you are literally a doormat. There is no satisfaction from a relationship with an N, since I can't think how these relationships can end in a sustainable friendship.

I think the only way to avoid injury to them is to never even meet them, let alone get into a relationship with one. :lol: I don't see any other way of not hurting them and yourself in the process. I know that my ex would never admit to ever liking me now. His sense of being betrayed is so strong. He carries on like a bull in a china shop seeking out any new NS, almost to re-validate his feelings of betrayal by me and perhaps others. Perhaps he will find someone less difficult than me, who he'll be happy with and finally feel at peace with. God knows.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby littlewing » Thu Jan 05, 2012 3:14 pm

BlueFlower wrote:For a relationship to actually work (in the land of kittens and rainbows,) the Narcissist would have to reset to trust, or the non would have to become a submissive yes-man or a very strong Buddhist.


This is hilarious. Thanks for that.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby Wild_Priestess » Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:48 am

Thank you to whoever said the Narcissists can be hurt.

I did beat myself over for being civil with my ex N at some point.

I broke up with him a yr and half ago and NEVER contacted him again. I vanished from the earth. Then last August he started txting me to make peace, stirring my emotions, he was missing me, we had to see each other again etc... gathering all the memories he remembered of.
I was strong and after a few days of silence I replied "forget it, my feelings are dead" That was final.

No more contact from him...... I was proud. :) but 2 months later I BUMPED INTO HIM AND SMILED AND SAID HI!
What a dumb woman, right?
I was happy. Not cos of bumping into him but cos of my life. He wasn't happy to see me. He obviously wasn't over my earlier text rejection. So he just moaned hi and passed by. Indifference. Coldness...

That's where I started beating myself over the fact I ruined everything by being so nice, so weak....& that he was prolly thinking the same. What do you think? Did my smile put him off?
We bumped into each other and ignored each other about 2 months ago.
I really am ignoring him like he never even existed now.
Sighs... Wish I'd never said Hi. :/

-- Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:51 am --

By ruining everything I mean, ruined my limits, my barriers, my RESISTANCE!!! to the Narcissist. =/ And i'm scared that he felt that too.

Please reassure meeee. I want that bastard to remember me as the girl who never wanted his sorry ass back and smiled cuz detached, happy, and long gone.

:)
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby BlueFlower » Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:40 am

Since you didn't take his bait, I'm sure he suffered narc injury. When he saw you happy, I bet he was confused by your happyness, since he wanted you sad and pining away for him. Had you gone back to him, he would have used you like a dishrag and tossed you aside. Then he would have thought you were an idiot for falling for his BS.

Hope that was reassuring for you.

BTW...I'm sure narcissists do get hurt. Badly. But they just vilify those that "offended" them then reject them to protect their ego. That person is considered a piece of sh*t; to lessen the hurt.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby marycarterpaint » Fri Jan 06, 2012 2:34 am

BlueFlower wrote:BTW...I'm sure narcissists do get hurt. Badly.

sure, but rarely by non's. no-contact is the easy road.
a life well lived is the best revenge.

victory over a narc on their home turf requires you to burn a piece of your soul.
its better to leave their hell and not think twice or look back.
I never gave anybody hell! I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.
- Truman
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby MsMeow » Fri Jan 06, 2012 2:46 am

They hate to see you happy. I think the fact you smiled and said hi was splendid. I hope I get the opportunity to do that and just continue to walk on. He is not happy like you are.
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Re: Narcissists being ignored

Postby Wild_Priestess » Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:12 pm

These answers made my day. :) I am fully reassured i did the right thing. I know he'll try contacting me again within a yr when his new relationship is over since it's inevitably doomed to fail. I know narcs want you wrapped around their lil fingers to ease their conscience so they don't come across like the bad guy. Well I wont make peace. Give them enough rope & they'll hang themselves in the end .:D

But one thing I realize... is that Narcs are jealous of the vibrant people we good people are. We don't depend on others as much, we're simple, happy, loving, empathic. They just want to be like us but fail miserable everytime dragging us good folk's down.... but good folk's never stick to the muddy bottom for really long though. This is survival instinct at its best, rising like the Phoenix reborn from its ashes only finding Narc still waddling in his own self pity, touching some sensitive cords for a little while....it must get tiring playing the same games on people over and over again. It must feel like such a restriction to have the ego of a Narc. You think you're all that, but you know you're nowhere close in the real. You just spend your time fooling people into thinking you're anything special but you just mirror those who ARE special because you're empty so empty inside. In fact good folk's pity Narcs for tryin so hard which sends Narcs into panic mode....
Separation / hurt/abandon/fear! MuSt-Get-New-Supply-ASAP
lol. It's kinda funny. Like a spoilt kid looking for other people's approval constantly.
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