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My Therapist Dislikes Me

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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby katana » Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:10 am

I was going to post a reply, but going to wait because what Anais said about waiting and breakthroughs.

I get pissed off at therapists too. i don't tend to think they hate me, but i can relate to feeling pissed off like that.

I agree there is a lot of good stuff said about schema therapy... i'm after it, haha about getting it on the NHS, i don't know what im playing at. I think i have some "oi you #####& fix it" because i still have a problem with them. that and i struggle with sticking within terms of therapeutic contracts etc, it all gets laid down in a way that makes it even harder for me...

i don't know what im getting at, nothing really i guess :| i find it hard to reply cause your post brings up my own transferrance problems with therapy.

i can only say it seemed a bit confrontational to try to get a narcissist to challenge their feelings of superiority just like that, first session, with no tools or exploration to help thinking differently.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby ThisEndUp » Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:54 am

Twistedmister wrote:(A story)



I am bored....i will check out the forum........"Oh Jesus, a reply from ThisEndUp"............oh wow!, that was short.



I do tend to go on don't I????

:D
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby Friggle » Sat Oct 01, 2011 4:43 am

I think she is projecting something on me like she was triggered by me. She was haughty and trying too hard to look tough and rational. She barely made eye contact.
Maybe I am transferring or whatever that means. She did silly stuff like dropping her pen alot and papers falling off the desk...she was ill at ease. but she has been practicing since 2003 so she isn't a noob...I'm sure she's had a few more difficult patients than me. Wonder how she handled them.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby katana » Sat Oct 01, 2011 4:57 am

Some therapists can be funny about pw PDs especially NPD and AsPD.

my last one never mentioned what she thought i had, but i saw a scared look on her face a few times, which pissed me off.

but at the same time, is it possible you were glaring at her in a hostile way or anything ? lol - just wondering cause i know its crossed my mind more than a few times things i had done and thought it was all the professional, and realised it had all been projection.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby narcbolan » Sat Oct 01, 2011 12:59 pm

I remember an experience while 'auditioning' therapists after relocating, and the second one I went to see reacted to me right from the moment she opened the door. I could see it in her face and body language, there was nothing she could do to hide it.

It was a useful experience though cos it reminded me that they are not machines, they are people who have their own stories and lives too.

I was lucky with her though because she was honest and very professional with me in that she told me soon enough that it wasn't going to be a good fit between us. Also she handled it in such a way that i didn't feel dismissed or rejected, (which i definitely would've done), plus the person she referred me to turned out to be the best therapist I've ever had.

But to this day I still think about what it was that went through her mind when she opened the door to me that provoked such a strong reaction, it's almost like she was screaming inside - I've never come across it before. So on some level I can realte to what you are talking about Friggle.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby Friggle » Sat Oct 01, 2011 1:19 pm

narcbolan wrote:I remember an experience while 'auditioning' therapists after relocating, and the second one I went to see reacted to me right from the moment she opened the door. I could see it in her face and body language, there was nothing she could do to hide it.

It was a useful experience though cos it reminded me that they are not machines, they are people who have their own stories and lives too.I was lucky with her though because she was honest and very professional with me in that she told me soon enough that it wasn't going to be a good fit between us. Also she handled it in such a way that i didn't feel dismissed or rejected, (which i definitely would've done), plus the person she referred me to turned out to be the best therapist I've ever had.

But to this day I still think about what it was that went through her mind when she opened the door to me that provoked such a strong reaction, it's almost like she was screaming inside - I've never come across it before. So on some level I can realte to what you are talking about Friggle.


i know they are human, very human and prone to error, but in a professional setting no one should act that way. i believe because she knew she was "safe" there, in her office, wheras if we were out in neutral territory i get the feeling she would have played alot nicer. i also think that as a whole "nons" have a streak of vengence in them towards what they call "predatory people". they want to destroys us by either drugging us up or trying to turn us into one of them. i didnt mean to make this an us v them issue thats immature and reminiscent of high school kids trying to sound cool. instead what i mean by this is that they see it as an us v them issue and they kind of want their chance to unleash their "righteous indignation".

i have skipped two appointments with her thus far because i have other things to do, but when i return next week i really am curious as to how she will react. i am honestly, tempted to freak her out. to me i think she is playing with the lion in a cage and taunting me. she better hope these antidepressant dont start wearing off and i am mentally sharp and ready to lunge at her. because something tells me this will end up sour. and i can't wait.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby katana » Sat Oct 01, 2011 3:05 pm

narcbolan wrote:I remember an experience while 'auditioning' therapists after relocating, and the second one I went to see reacted to me right from the moment she opened the door. I could see it in her face and body language, there was nothing she could do to hide it.

It was a useful experience though cos it reminded me that they are not machines, they are people who have their own stories and lives too.

I was lucky with her though because she was honest and very professional with me in that she told me soon enough that it wasn't going to be a good fit between us. Also she handled it in such a way that i didn't feel dismissed or rejected, (which i definitely would've done), plus the person she referred me to turned out to be the best therapist I've ever had.

But to this day I still think about what it was that went through her mind when she opened the door to me that provoked such a strong reaction, it's almost like she was screaming inside - I've never come across it before. So on some level I can realte to what you are talking about Friggle.


Great post!

Friggle, I think we both have something to learn from that. i think the bolded bit is really important, and about why you have to find the right therapist for you.

My last therapist was very good at her (normal) job, and knew her stuff, but was also very nice and sensitive and took stuff too personally, i felt like she seemed to want validation that my hostility wasn't really about her! - even when there was obvious transferrance and she needed to see i was going to be pissed off because of my issues. - not good when dealing with more difficult patients - but she isn't normally supposed to work with people with PDs.

maybe you could just speak to her and put your concerns on the table, and say if she can't feel comfortable working with you, can she pass you on to someone who does, and someone who can be aware of the dx but still approach you as an individual, and who doesn't believe all that "NPD is incurable" BS ?
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby narcbolan » Sat Oct 01, 2011 6:31 pm

Friggle wrote: i also think that as a whole "nons" have a streak of vengence in them towards what they call "predatory people". they want to destroys us by either drugging us up or trying to turn us into one of them. i didnt mean to make this an us v them issue thats immature and reminiscent of high school kids trying to sound cool. instead what i mean by this is that they see it as an us v them issue and they kind of want their chance to unleash their "righteous indignation".



I think what you're talking about can come across in an 'us v them' way because you're talking about it on the level of how you experience it personally. Absolutely nothing wrong with that because thats how it can often make us feel.

But I think the reason that society in general takes that vengeful attitude is purely down to the ignorant way in which mental health issues are still viewed. More people have mental health issues than they actually realise and pointing the finger at people who display it in more obvious ways is a way for them to feel better about themselves and therefore avoid the stigma that society views mental health problems with. Which doesnt help and only makes us feel worse.

There is so much abuse of children on all sorts of levels, emotional, sexual, physical, it's actually the norm in family life rather than the other way around. I think as a result many people who we come across in all sorts of situations have experienced something damaging in childhood or have even been perpetrators or enablers in some way but are in denial of it, and that can sometimes contribute to their subtle finger-pointing attitude.

Society looks ok on the surface but underneath its far from ok. Personality disorders, depression, schizophrenia, anorexia, self harming or any form of addiction etc can all be looked at as coping mechanisms we adopt as kids to keep our abusive experiences at a distance, (whether we remember them or not). AND THEY WORK!

But they don't in adulthood, we're supposed to change in adulthood, but because of our coping mechanisms we cant do it properly and we get stuck with them. They just make life hard. Because some of they ways we act out as a result are considered unacceptable socially we're the ones who get marginalised.

Once we get to grips with that we're less likely to internalise all these negative messages piled on top of that which we've already had drummed in from childhood and actually get on with some healing.

Friggle wrote:
i have skipped two appointments with her thus far because i have other things to do, but when i return next week i really am curious as to how she will react. i am honestly, tempted to freak her out. to me i think she is playing with the lion in a cage and taunting me. she better hope these antidepressant dont start wearing off and i am mentally sharp and ready to lunge at her. because something tells me this will end up sour. and i can't wait.


Are you attending these sessions because it's something you want for yourself or because you've been told it's what you need? The reason I ask is that it makes a huge difference to how the sessions will go and whether they will be of any use to you.
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby Friggle » Sun Oct 02, 2011 12:45 pm

narcbolan wrote:Are you attending these sessions because it's something you want for yourself or because you've been told it's what you need? The reason I ask is that it makes a huge difference to how the sessions will go and whether they will be of any use to you.


I want to change how i think. And get better at dealing with other people. How about you?
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Re: My Therapist Dislikes Me

Postby narcbolan » Sun Oct 02, 2011 6:18 pm

Well from my point of view, seeing as you asked, yeah, my poor relationship with myself and my difficulties in relating to other people were two of many other reasons why i started eight years ago but that isn't actually what I was asking you.

I meant was it your decision to see someone or was it recommended to you by a third party. I ask because you said that you were diagnosed as opposed to intially self diagnosed. It does make a difference in where I was going with this. If you don't want to answer it's ok.
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