Hi Whatsgoing on,
Just to break the icy frost of a silent treatment, you could say, " I am willing to talk as soon as you are ready." Followed by, " I promise I will listen."
With these statements you have placed the ball in her court for a reconciliation. You have taken the power from the equation. Talking to you is now done on the terms you have set. Then it is no skin off your nose how long she takes. If she tries to win back the upper hand by making any sarcastic comment. You don't respond. She gets no attention for being unpleasant. If you want to be a bit infuriating, the delivery of that I am willing to talk statement could be condescending. If you want resolution the delivery must be honest and connect to truth.
If this woman is important to you and you don't want to lose her, then learning some skills to actively listen and try to see her point of view back at the first argument is where your problem lies. The silent treatment is just a symptom of unresolved issues that can't be squashed down into that bottle of resentment. So what was her problem. Often arguments spring from nothing but are signals of deeper issues that represent concerns not fully expressed.
The usual concerns are finances, chores, lack of time together, jobs, acquisitions, or some addiction etc. Most of us have a pet achilles that could be problematic given fertile circumstances.
Most of us defend when we feel attacked for not doing enough, caring enough, or whatever the grievance. Very few of us have the good sense to say, I want you to tell me all of your concerns because I want to understand how you feel being you. I will try and work on these problems but I am likely to need some help with making the changes.
Follow up is essential on this road to the better man. You keep asking, for how you are doing? This is the road to sainthood but doable I am told.
If either of you are narcissist's it will not work. Really we haven't ascertained that you are, so I have made the assumption that you aren't. Lots of people use the silent treatment for different reasons. If that is all she does, then I doubt she is narcissistic.
However, if in fact you are criticized mercilessly no matter what you do and she is the victim in all her retells. You hooked up with her while she was still married to the last guy and she has a history of messed up relationships in most areas of her life. Then your home here. Your relationship will be dominated by criticism, isolation and engulfing control. Her silent treatment is part of your devaluation. You have been dismissed and it's curtains on the act she was playing with you as her ideal.
Hoping you get the resolution you seek. Marg