SELF SERVE SEX and The N

My question is this.....
For an N, is sex with a woman the same or similar to masturbation?

Also when an N masturbates what do they think of or who do they think of?

I am asking because if people, and in this case women in particular, are just objects to them, then it would seem to me that masturbation and sex with a woman might be very similar. The only difference being that a woman is a much more complex and creative toy with which to play. lol

I am assuming N supply is involved so I am aware a woman, on some levels gotta be better, but what I am asking is exactly on what level does that place her?

Sex is not the equivalent of a handshake. yes no?

When my bf f*cks me, I sometimes have him do so in front of a mirror. I want to see how I look. I look good.

For me, sex isn't about pleasure, it's about self-glorification.

Lol crystal, each to their own! i could understand f*cking in front of a mirror to feed your ego, but if there's no pleasure involved its gonna get kinda boring isn't it ? (or is it, obviously i don't know since i'm not you, lol.)

ThisEndUp wrote:For an N, is sex with a woman the same or similar to masturbation?

i would have thought meaningless sex would be more like "mutual maturbation", considering it is with another person.

ThisEndUp wrote:Sex is not the equivalent of a handshake. yes no?

well, most handshakes i've had don't usually end in orgasms

honestly, i'm not sure how your question could be answered, people with PDs, and even people with the same PD will answer differently. you might get 2 pwNPD answer, who say 2 completely different things.

personally, i don't know for sure what PD(s) i am struggling with cause i have no dx, but im answering cause ive had problems with empathy. casual sex, i could understand being seen like mutual maturbation, but i don't personally see sex as that and only that. i've actually kinda gone off sex that's like that.

apart from being about pleasure, sex - in a relationship - is about connection to me. - a lot of the time i need to be beaten shitless to be able to connect with anyone LOL. a lot of the rest of the time, i like it anyway i'm a weird one, cause ive struggled with empathy a lot, in the past a lot more than i do now, but i really do have a desire to connect with others, and am trying to fight my problems.

i could be really narcissistic about it, lol and invent my own PD to explain it, but tbh, i don't think that's really what's going on, just that most people dxed with PD end up with more than one dx. its probably just something to do with how my issues are mixed, and/or where i'm at right now with recovery.

you'll probably find the same for people here with an NPD dx - that no 2 people will give the exact same answer. imho anyway.

katana wrote:but if there's no pleasure involved its gonna get kinda boring isn't it ?

pleasure's still there. it's just secondary.

crystal_r wrote:When my bf f*cks me, I sometimes have him do so in front of a mirror. I want to see how I look. I look good.

For me, sex isn't about pleasure, it's about self-glorification.

Crys- use a video camera!!!!

Better than a miror and you can watch it after too!!!!!

That was my big thing

AliceWonders wrote:

crystal_r wrote:When my bf f*cks me, I sometimes have him do so in front of a mirror. I want to see how I look. I look good.

For me, sex isn't about pleasure, it's about self-glorification.

Crys- use a video camera!!!!

Better than a miror and you can watch it after too!!!!!

That was my big thing

I shall try it!

I also have a thing for younger guys....anyone else share this preference?

katana wrote:i would have thought meaningless sex would be more like "mutual masturbation", considering it is with another person.

I'm not an N, so for me mutual masturbation would actually be quite intimate because what I do in private and alone is being exposed to someone else. In other words masturbation is mine, something personal and private that I don't usually share. My hands on my body is much different to me then having someone elses hands on my body. If they are doing things to me....then I'm just going along with the ride. But if they are watching me .....well thats altogether different. For me watching someone else masturbate is very erotic because I feel they are giving me a more special gift of sorts.......due to the fact that its usually reserved for themselves. Of course if it becomes commonplace in a relationship then it will, at some point, cease to lose its specialness.

ThisEndUp wrote:Sex is not the equivalent of a handshake. yes no?

well, most handshakes i've had don't usually end in orgasms

lol

apart from being about pleasure, sex - in a relationship - is about connection to me. - a lot of the time i need to be beaten shitless to be able to connect with anyone LOL. a lot of the rest of the time, i like it anyway i'm a weird one, cause ive struggled with empathy a lot, in the past a lot more than i do now, but i really do have a desire to connect with others, and am trying to fight my problems.

I'm really interested in what kindof connection you are looking for within the context of sex. acceptance, comfort, to be passive or aggressive, whatever. For me its also about connection but also about acceptance and giving. With the right person giving to them excites me as much as being on the receiving end and sometimes moreso. Thank u for replying!

The ONLY time I felt something like love from my ex N was in the bedroom. We literally never had bad sex - not once in 2 1/2 years. We had sweet sex. Which goes against everything they say about N's. He was also very American Pie in the bedroom - nothing kinky. He seemed really disturbed by anything kinky and if he had strange porn, he did a good job hiding it. He was a cerebral, so sometimes it was actually hard to get him into the bedroom. Maybe he was just a good actor and it was really a chore for him to have sex with me. I don't know. We had great physical chemistry - so I thought. He was celibate for several years before he met me. I thought maybe it was because he was shy, but I think maybe it was because he didn't try too hard. It wasn't that important to him. Odd, because towards the end I wondered if that was the only reason he kept me around. I used to joke that I was "sex delivery" because I always had to come over to his house and he never came to mine.

But I guess you never know what's going on in someone else's head. And the man was an amazing actor.

expressivecreative wrote:The ONLY time I felt something like love from my ex N was in the bedroom. We literally never had bad sex - not once in 2 1/2 years. We had sweet sex. Which goes against everything they say about N's. He was also very American Pie in the bedroom - nothing kinky. He seemed really disturbed by anything kinky and if he had strange porn, he did a good job hiding it. He was a cerebral, so sometimes it was actually hard to get him into the bedroom. Maybe he was just a good actor and it was really a chore for him to have sex with me. I don't know. We had great physical chemistry - so I thought. He was celibate for several years before he met me. I thought maybe it was because he was shy, but I think maybe it was because he didn't try too hard. It wasn't that important to him. Odd, because towards the end I wondered if that was the only reason he kept me around. I used to joke that I was "sex delivery" because I always had to come over to his house and he never came to mine.

But I guess you never know what's going on in someone else's head. And the man was an amazing actor.

We had great sex too. It was crazy! lol

But it was effected none the less.....my N ex had terrific MOMMY issues and I wonder what the hell she did to him. I think he was a victim of emotional incest. Where the parent is close in a romantic sense, yet never actually sexually abuses the kid. Things like drying the kid off after a bath till they are like 12 or something! YUK!

We had great sex until I started making the advances, then he started punishing me , by witholding sex. One day I said to him.....ok fine I don't need you! You should have seen the look on his face. It was incredulous!! LOL Like.... are you serious??? How could you not need me? He of course wanted it then! LOL Its like whatever you do....they do the opposite !!!

I was childhood sweethearts with my N ex. Back then I had no idea what was wrong or what I had done to him! >insert violins here< LOL!!!
I also had an N mom
So before going back to him this time I had done all this work on myself. 28 yrs worth of self discovery and let me tell ya......I had his number in no time flat this time. Also the breakup is nothing compared to what it was in High School. If anything I feel like I resolved everything. I just wanted to know what happened. I do now. And it all made perfect sense!

I feel bad for him, but I also know its his choice to be the way he is. I kinda feel like he is gonna die a lonely old man. Well thats his problem now , not mine.
Thanks for the post!

My STBX N and I had awesome, great sex too!! It's the one thing I realllllly miss!!! I mean seriously...miss. Sucks 'casue I miss it and I know it was part of the freaking game too. He used it against me just like everything else. Made me want it, then withheld it. He manipulated and controlled me in so many ways, but in the end he used sex the most. Damn him. Now here I am celibate forevah (it seems) and he had someone waiting in the wings the day he walked out and probably before. *sigh*

Oh and he loved to do it in front of the mirror too. Now I know why Thanks for the insight Crystal

I too believe he at a minimun had an emotionally, incestuous relationship with his mother. I really question now if they actually had a physically incestuous relatinship *shudder* I read this book that was helpful about emotional incest back when I was trying to figure everything out http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558741313