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Covert NPD : what to do ?

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Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby no_id » Tue Sep 06, 2011 10:26 am

Hi all
After 19 years of struggle and 6 years of total inside doom (pure O, depression and depersonnalization, attraction toward drugs, ect), Ive come to the realisation that I fit really the introverted narcissist PD (after identifying with various things, passive aggressive, obsessionnal, borderline, CNPD is what correspond the most, and more importantly relate to some experience other share on the web).
Im aware that ive trying to escape my "defective and limitating" original self (depersonalization have just drastically increased the problem), and various life experience have made me aware that all what ive done and thinked was somewhat against my father (who is an asshole - yes ive anger too, big anger), and at the same time against myself .


Quickly : Ive something of an inflated ego and autistic thinking, and before the age of 20 I was always trying to perfectionnistely be interested into some various hobby, before the hit of depersonalization, wich, after a big depression, have just increased the false self aspect and outsider/"better than other" feeling. From 20 to now, Im caracterized by inertia, switch beetween hobby/idea/accomplishement idea is really quick... Last 10 month was a period of SSRI, drug experiment, and probably the result was an increase of DP and more importantly "reversed projection", as if anger turn profondly toward myself , leading that I CANT just try to do something without excessive feeling of guilt/unaccomplishement.... Ive anger for anything surround me, work, all.I feel only one things, the doom inside me. Ive major mood swing, never stop to tell me that I need to reject various things in my life (like I try to abandon the idea to have a gf (last relationship was long and unbelivably destructive for the gf and me), to plan to go outside my familie quickly, ect, look for how to shut up my inner voice who want to do things dont correspond to current reality, ). It appear perhaps soft, but on the inside its really masochist thinking, using all knowledge Ive in psychologie, neurologie, personnality typology...

Now I know I need external help and cant try to resolve this myself, and have hard time to find support on the web, all is about NPD victim (wich is intellectualy understandable), wich therapy is recommended ? What to do? How to stop the cycle ?
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Re: Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby funky » Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:39 pm

Hello, no_id, have a look at 3 of my previous posts, or rather, the threads that they're in - not because I've any good advice to give in any of them, but other people have given me good/interesting advice.
One is, "Narcissists - what's your experience of therapy?" Not particularly positive overall, but still interesting, I thought.
The second is, "Feelings.", in which Tomster suggested the Counselling Directory, which gives a search function for therapists dealing with npd. (If you're British.)
The third, which was very encouraging, is "Recovery for those with NPD/narcissism.", in which Lifesong gives really good advice.
Actually, I posted a little test that I found for covert narcissism, in a 4th thread, called, "Aha! THAT'S why....".
As a matter of fact, I've used the Counselling Directory to contact a therapist today, after about a week of dithering. Good luck to you.
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Re: Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby tomster » Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:41 pm

no_id wrote:Hi all
After 19 years of struggle and 6 years of total inside doom (pure O, depression and depersonnalization, attraction toward drugs, ect), Ive come to the realisation that I fit really the introverted narcissist PD (after identifying with various things, passive aggressive, obsessionnal, borderline, CNPD is what correspond the most, and more importantly relate to some experience other share on the web).
Im aware that ive trying to escape my "defective and limitating" original self (depersonalization have just drastically increased the problem), and various life experience have made me aware that all what ive done and thinked was somewhat against my father (who is an asshole - yes ive anger too, big anger), and at the same time against myself .


Quickly : Ive something of an inflated ego and autistic thinking, and before the age of 20 I was always trying to perfectionnistely be interested into some various hobby, before the hit of depersonalization, wich, after a big depression, have just increased the false self aspect and outsider/"better than other" feeling. From 20 to now, Im caracterized by inertia, switch beetween hobby/idea/accomplishement idea is really quick... Last 10 month was a period of SSRI, drug experiment, and probably the result was an increase of DP and more importantly "reversed projection", as if anger turn profondly toward myself , leading that I CANT just try to do something without excessive feeling of guilt/unaccomplishement.... Ive anger for anything surround me, work, all.I feel only one things, the doom inside me. Ive major mood swing, never stop to tell me that I need to reject various things in my life (like I try to abandon the idea to have a gf (last relationship was long and unbelivably destructive for the gf and me), to plan to go outside my familie quickly, ect, look for how to shut up my inner voice who want to do things dont correspond to current reality, ). It appear perhaps soft, but on the inside its really masochist thinking, using all knowledge Ive in psychologie, neurologie, personnality typology...

Now I know I need external help and cant try to resolve this myself, and have hard time to find support on the web, all is about NPD victim (wich is intellectualy understandable), wich therapy is recommended ? What to do? How to stop the cycle ?

Alright mate, in the exact same boat as you - 20 and sure I have NPD (no official diagnosis yet, though).

Done exactly the same with a girl - playing on her feelings and thinking you're not bothered. It doesn't work out well when she's had enough though..


Oh no worries with the victim sites, it's a thing with NPD - lots of survivor/abuse sites, but not really much for NPD people (cos lots of people with NPD deny they actually have NPD). They're fine and some of the owners are really nice people and want to help others get over a narcissistic spouse/parent. Only piece of advice is not to try and read them too much, because it can feel like they're getting at you (and in reality, they're talking about a thirtysomething guy living at the other side of the world who may deny the fact he has NPD).

Unfortunately, none of us know how to really break the narcissistic cycle - but for the time being, learning how to become self-aware (questioning yourself - "is doing x right?") and taking account for other peoples emotions goes some way. Like others on this forum have said, therapy is a pretty good tool if used properly (that applies to nons as well as NPDers). As for recovering entirely, it's a mixed bag - some people report success, others don't. There isn't a massive amount of follow-up on reported NPD successes. Whether that is a good thing or not, I don't know (think the ending of inception, it's like your call).

Also, I'll take a swipe and say you're French ('ie' at the end of some words gives it away :wink: )
"If everything isn't perfect, then at least you know it's real" - Random MTV show
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Re: Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby funky » Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:01 pm

Tomster, I don't want to sidetrack this thread, I just wanted to say thank you for telling me about the Counselling Directory. I only decided to go ahead with therapy today, or I'd have let you know. It's saved me trying to find someone who knows about narcissism.
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Re: Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby no_id » Tue Sep 06, 2011 8:25 pm

Also, I'll take a swipe and say you're French ('ie' at the end of some words gives it away :wink: )


NPD seem to give magical power :mrgreen:

thx all for your response I will look at these post...

(think the ending of inception, it's like your call)


nice analogy, I feel like in this trap

Done exactly the same with a girl - playing on her feelings and thinking you're not bothered. It doesn't work out well when she's had enough though..


Its was extremelly dark for me : I was not in love with this girl, and at the same time trying to get approval or some things or all other "narcissist stuff". 5 years. Ive broked up all quickly without explication, cuz each time other want an explication for some behavior I end manipulate them. Ive now constant pure OCD about being the "evil" (as if I try to force me to ressent something and restore some humanity, but inside, i feel nothing, whatever the OCD is about.). Just after, being really worried, ive ingested LSD and MDMA in order simply to ###$ me and forgetting. Now im into a state worst than ever of depersonnalization (so, worst than usual), and ive to admit its ok for me. Im detached from all, almost from anxiety. On the two last attack/increase of depersonnalization, (so, this one and last year), ive develloped a constant "I dont give a ###$" in my head, directed at all whats front of me, included myself and my life.
Ive decided to stop to meet any girl. Too destructive for the two part. I cant adapt, I cant be normal. I have understand that even if I want change, I just change a bit superficially, but never profoundly. I will never be able to change sufficiently to avoid to do what my father have done to me.
What is incredible is the total DOOM I feel inside, while going to work, pretend to work, pretend to be ok, ect...
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Re: Covert NPD : what to do ?

Postby Picorna » Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:15 pm

I do have a diagnosis of NPD, and it's between pathological and malignant, and apparently 'pure' although I like to think they are wrong, and it is actually mixed borderline (like, I say, because they don't bother supporting me with the right kind of therapy, which makes me feel awful).

If I were BPD, I'd probably get what I need, I think, which is DBT (dialectal behaviour therapy), but I'm a pure narcissist, so I am offered two things:

1. In terms of getting to the heart of the matter, the third wave therapy, SFT - schema focussed therapy, is the ideal. Engaging with it is difficult, particularly as a narcissist (but then I suppose I don't know the opposite) because it is very uncomfortable - what progress I have made seems to be going well, but it is limited. And it goes on forever, or it feels that way, years...

2. To deal with the accompanying misery, for me, but not really for anyone else (which of course is a root problem as an NPD) is mentalisation based therapy (MBT), which is great and pretty good generally (I'd recommend it to anyone actually). It allows you to get through the emotions, like the stuff you talk about re destructive relationship feelings, although not much good at dealing with the more serious issues of what is causing them.

Anyway, that's my thoughts, and I do have a diagnosis, from some of the world's top specialists, because, apparently, that's what people like me do to show people up, although they didn't tell me this (which I kind of feel is a bit like entrapment) until they decided to confirm the diagnosis.

-- Tue Sep 06, 2011 9:15 pm --

I do have a diagnosis of NPD, and it's between pathological and malignant, and apparently 'pure' although I like to think they are wrong, and it is actually mixed borderline (like, I say, because they don't bother supporting me with the right kind of therapy, which makes me feel awful).

If I were BPD, I'd probably get what I need, I think, which is DBT (dialectal behaviour therapy), but I'm a pure narcissist, so I am offered two things:

1. In terms of getting to the heart of the matter, the third wave therapy, SFT - schema focussed therapy, is the ideal. Engaging with it is difficult, particularly as a narcissist (but then I suppose I don't know the opposite) because it is very uncomfortable - what progress I have made seems to be going well, but it is limited. And it goes on forever, or it feels that way, years...

2. To deal with the accompanying misery, for me, but not really for anyone else (which of course is a root problem as an NPD) is mentalisation based therapy (MBT), which is great and pretty good generally (I'd recommend it to anyone actually). It allows you to get through the emotions, like the stuff you talk about re destructive relationship feelings, although not much good at dealing with the more serious issues of what is causing them.

Anyway, that's my thoughts, and I do have a diagnosis, from some of the world's top specialists, because, apparently, that's what people like me do to show people up, although they didn't tell me this (which I kind of feel is a bit like entrapment) until they decided to confirm the diagnosis.
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