lexxie wrote:Hi all,
First post here, very shy-please be gentle with me.
I have known this person for 14 months. I have high suspicions' that he is a narcissist. He is a very good imitator of emotion/s, seems to have superficial bonds', cannot stand being criticised, holds a grudge if crossed, lies too much, is a 'know it all', is very jealous/envious and controlling of himself (extremely) and possessive of me in particular. We started as friends' then dated for around 2 mts.-then became friends' only to date.
I feel that as he knows (unlike others' close to him-friends/family) I know who and what he really is, because of the things I have said, noticed and have not been shy with my observations etc.! I have read up on NPD and genuinely believe/feel I have met 'his kind' before. My brain is confused, and my heart is trying to rule my head! I know logically that ANYTHING that ever transpired between us was and is a 'lie'! To him, this is all a game and he is power-tripping to the extreme! He knows I still have feelings' and that I am struggling with my emotions. I walk away from him-only to return-which in-turn inflates his ego! I know logically he cannot change, and that any females he dates will all get the same awful treatment from him.
Today, I told him I want no contact. I want to be in control of me again, and to not feel sad and worthless anymore! In his eyes I will never be good enough, he is critical without saying a word.
So, I am preparing myself to go through the awful/intense/dreaded pain of heart-break and grief. I am a little in denial myself, repeating the inner mantra - 'I do not love him'. Yes I do, who am I kidding here? Maybe accepting these feelings will cause them to eventually die. I do not like him, and hate the way I allow him to make me feel. I have to accept this was all a mistake and that this will never be right! I must completely let him go. But how?
For the first time today, I deleted his number/s' - and I don't know them off by heart either. Never did that before. I have got over heartbreak before, so I know I can. It just puzzles me how he has done this! I thought I was in control, and could pull back and walk away at any time. Why him?
I apologise for my long post.
I am just looking for support to help me be free and away from him FOREVER!
from reading your post, it comes across to me as if you are not that torn over leaving him
personally, but the struggle lies with what he has done to you, how he has made you feel, and what you have experienced with him. Another thing that stands out, which I want to emphasis, is you state in the beginning that you are shy
. Narcisistic people can eat shy people up alive! It's not a good mix for a shy person, to be with a narcisist. I believe that narcisists like shy people because the shy person is an easy target for them to overpower. I am shy aslo, and I know that I must and do avoid narcisists, because even in a friendship context, they leave me drained, feeling lost, feeling dis respected, used and mistreated. Stick to your own kind, life is much happier that way.