Our partner

When Narcissists Get Fired

Narcissistic Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderators: narcbolan, masquerade, Esquire

When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby Anais » Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:02 pm

So, I have a narcissist friend who makes a wonderful first impression, and easily lands coveted jobs. He tries hard at the job for about 3 months, then slacks off, does less and less, until he gets fired 18 to 24 months later. Then he gets a new job again.

One of the ways he seems to make this work is by painting the employers who fired him as immoral. They are always untrustworthy, dishonest, loose cannons, etc... and THIS is why they let him go. They are always at fault - not him. Enough people believe him that he always finds someone new in his industry to hire him again (so far).

What I would like to know from the narcissists is, do you think he really believes his own lines? Does he really think that because they fired him, they must be immoral, even criminal, employers? Or is he really thinking "I'll do damage control, I'm so awesome, nobody will believe I did zero work for the last year, ha ha ha..."

Confused. And frustrated. Thanks.
Anais
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:47 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby undenied » Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:15 pm

Anais wrote:So, I have a narcissist friend who makes a wonderful first impression, and easily lands coveted jobs. He tries hard at the job for about 3 months, then slacks off, does less and less, until he gets fired 18 to 24 months later. Then he gets a new job again.

You talkin' about me here? :lol:

What I would like to know from the narcissists is, do you think he really believes his own lines?

I would answer, "Somewhat, yes." Generally narcissists AREN'T doing the evil-cackle, mwahaha I've fooled them all, that sort of thing. They usually know that they're lying or stretching the truth, though. However, they really do genuinely believe they're in the right, and that it's not their fault. It's almost like using another frame of logic - because to them it is physically impossible to have anything be their fault, it is clearly the other person's fault.

(And by "they" I mean "me", of course. I can feed myself some amazing lines of BS if I'm so inclined.)

Perhaps related to "now look what YOU made me do!" syndrome?
  • Just because I'm crazy doesn't mean I'm wrong.
  • Please feel free to request citations/sources.
  • Here's my Dx.
  • I really like making lists.
User avatar
undenied
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 886
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:21 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby Anais » Tue Jul 12, 2011 11:40 pm

undenied wrote:
Perhaps related to "now look what YOU made me do!" syndrome?


Yes, you're right. I need to get this tattooed onto my forehead/forearm since it's basically the answer to most of my questions about narcissism, but I still don't completely get it. I guess he also may think "They made me lie to them, and slack off, because they gave me an impossibly high workload" and so on...

Thanks, undenied.

I read your latest blog entry by the way. It made me need a cup of tea and a lie-down! I hope you are okay and your move continues to work out.

Anais
Anais
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1074
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:47 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby undenied » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:01 am

Another personal anecdote on the thread topic: I have developed severe jealousy of "normal" people's ability to sustain interest in their work. I used to be jealous of their accomplishment, of course, in a "well I could do that if I tried" kind of typical way.

HOW DO YOU DO IT: TELL ME. No seriously, I have no idea how to solve this problem. The reason your N friend gets lazy after a few months of hard work isn't because he's just lazy...it's that it actually becomes impossible to maintain any level of interest at all...and then because you can't just drop it, it becomes wearing and soul-crushing and you get resentful.

Right now I'm trying to get some level of functionality back in my life, but I'm...scared? Scared because I know it's just going to happen again, over and over. I don't know what to do.

I guess he also may think "They made me lie to them, and slack off, because they gave me an impossibly high workload" and so on...

That's a pretty accurate way to look at it too. Like, sure I did wrong, but they did me wrong first so it's okay. (Regular people do this too, of course, but not to such an extreme.)

I read your latest blog entry by the way. It made me need a cup of tea and a lie-down! I hope you are okay and your move continues to work out.

Ha ha, thanks. We are on a serious bad-luck streak here over the past week: dropped my phone in the toilet, S.O. forgot his work keys and had to get a ride back (like an hour drive), I think I've got some kind of weird skin infection going on...it's been awesome. :lol: But still, I'm way less stressed than at home.
  • Just because I'm crazy doesn't mean I'm wrong.
  • Please feel free to request citations/sources.
  • Here's my Dx.
  • I really like making lists.
User avatar
undenied
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 886
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:21 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby OneLiner » Wed Jul 13, 2011 1:15 am

undenied wrote:Another personal anecdote on the thread topic: I have developed severe jealousy of "normal" people's ability to sustain interest in their work. I used to be jealous of their accomplishment, of course, in a "well I could do that if I tried" kind of typical way.

HOW DO YOU DO IT: TELL ME. No seriously, I have no idea how to solve this problem. The reason your N friend gets lazy after a few months of hard work isn't because he's just lazy...it's that it actually becomes impossible to maintain any level of interest at all...and then because you can't just drop it, it becomes wearing and soul-crushing and you get resentful.

The best would probably to find a work that is suitable for you. Probably something demanding but that ends fast. What is called high-achiever jobs. Small projects that can be wrapped up before they become boring.
I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me?
User avatar
OneLiner
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1783
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 12:30 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby My2cents » Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:45 am

Some people take pride in doing repetitive work for a long time. It seems like a passive-aggressive way to get back at high-achieving people. "That hotshot in a suit thinks he's better than me, but he wouldn't last a day here, doing what I do, what I've been doing steadily every day for the last ten years. This job is thankless, but people like me are the backbone of society." I see this as a kind of compensation for envy, combined with false modesty. "I'm a simple country boy. I'm strong inside and I will survive. I don't need to wear fancy clothes and have an executive title to be happy. I'll be fine with a rusty pick-up truck."

This seems like the ideal cover for a narcissist. (Maybe it's not, I'm not one so I don't know, but it makes sense to me.) There are so many people who would give respect to a hard-working person. Many people wouldn't, but there is a large community of people who would, and they can defend their egos from the contempt by saying other people don't understand, or are doing wimpy stupid jobs, and they turn it around as a badge of honor to be looked down on by classier people. "They don't deserve all that money. They're all lucky and/or crooks. I deserve to be paid more than them." And it's kind of a license to be arrogant. If you have a low-status job and some false modesty, people might overlook arrogance or see it as an acceptable form of pride.
My2cents
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 263
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:08 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 10:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby undenied » Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:57 am

OneLiner wrote:The best would probably to find a work that is suitable for you. Probably something demanding but that ends fast. What is called high-achiever jobs. Small projects that can be wrapped up before they become boring.

That's what I did when I worked at a factory: I picked the smallest jobs and then did a million of them so it felt like I did a whole lot of stuff, rather than one job that would take all day.

Actually, it's come up recently that maybe I should go into psychological research. :lol: I do so love my research. But I dunno if I could maintain the social aspect of working in a while-collar environment.

My2cents wrote:Some people take pride in doing repetitive work for a long time.

Done it. This makes me literally suicidal. Seriously, it blackens my soul. I can't maintain it at all. But I certainly do take the attitude you describe, heh. Compensatory narcissism indeed.
  • Just because I'm crazy doesn't mean I'm wrong.
  • Please feel free to request citations/sources.
  • Here's my Dx.
  • I really like making lists.
User avatar
undenied
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 886
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 5:21 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 5:05 am
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby OneLiner » Wed Jul 13, 2011 3:19 pm

undenied wrote:Actually, it's come up recently that maybe I should go into psychological research. :lol: I do so love my research. But I dunno if I could maintain the social aspect of working in a while-collar environment.

Doing something in a field that you already like would probably help with the motivation. Although you probably would not be able to support the actual data crunching of research and tediousness of the writing. Right now you do it free form, but in an academic environment, it is boring and people are always nit-picking at commas and what not. But maybe something connected to it would be possible, like maybe gathering test subjects to be analyzed (unsuspecting supply sources :lol:), and organizing things.
I desired love and fellowship, and I was still spurned. Was there no injustice in this? Am I to be thought the only criminal, when all humankind sinned against me?
User avatar
OneLiner
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1783
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 12:30 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby AlAtBar » Wed Jul 13, 2011 4:16 pm

Anais wrote:What I would like to know from the narcissists is, do you think he really believes his own lines? Does he really think that because they fired him, they must be immoral, even criminal, employers? Or is he really thinking "I'll do damage control, I'm so awesome, nobody will believe I did zero work for the last year, ha ha ha..."


They really believe it. Narcs live in a fantasy world and become good at believing their own lies.
AlAtBar
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1036
Joined: Sat Dec 25, 2010 6:47 am
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 2:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: When Narcissists Get Fired

Postby connector122001 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:31 pm

Anais wrote:So, I have a narcissist friend who makes a wonderful first impression, and easily lands coveted jobs. He tries hard at the job for about 3 months, then slacks off, does less and less, until he gets fired 18 to 24 months later. Then he gets a new job again.

One of the ways he seems to make this work is by painting the employers who fired him as immoral. They are always untrustworthy, dishonest, loose cannons, etc... and THIS is why they let him go. They are always at fault - not him. Enough people believe him that he always finds someone new in his industry to hire him again (so far).

What I would like to know from the narcissists is, do you think he really believes his own lines? Does he really think that because they fired him, they must be immoral, even criminal, employers? Or is he really thinking "I'll do damage control, I'm so awesome, nobody will believe I did zero work for the last year, ha ha ha..."

Confused. And frustrated. Thanks.



This is the exact pattern I have with work. I am really into the job to begin for about the first three months but then tend to slack off. My last job--in the financial industry--I got pushed out after my third month there.

For a Narc to get fired is a very depressing event. Since I get a lot of my narcissistic supply through acheiving at work, it made me feel like a complete failure and I devalued myself for a while. I then swung into "this wasn't my fault mode," blaming the employers for not recognizing my special abilities and talents and the fault resting completely with them. Although deep down I know that it was partially my fault for getting fired, I've managed to convince my family and friends around me that it was the employer's fault (specifically the lack of talent management skills of my boss). Since everyone else believes this to be the case, then it must be true, huh? In my mind now, I therefore did nothing wrong and it was totally the employer's fault.

As far as telling other employers, I tell them that it wasn't a good fit culturally and that I left voluntarily, which I kind of did--I was pushed out essentially, instead of outright fired.
Male, 29

DX
Mixed Personality Disorder (Narcissistic and Borderline features)
Social Phobia
GAD
Have had in the past: Bulimia, Self-injury, Depression, Drug Abuse

RX:
Luvox 200 mg.
Abilify 20 mg.
Adderall XR 40 mg.
Buspar 30 mg.
User avatar
connector122001
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:24 pm
Local time: Thu Oct 23, 2014 6:05 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Narcissistic Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: jipped, Merida and 136 guests

cron