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Do narcissists thrive on hate?

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Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Kewell » Wed Jun 15, 2011 7:08 am

How does this work?

Is this really a successful strategy in life?
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby undenied » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:35 am

No, not at all.
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Greatexpectations » Wed Jun 15, 2011 1:31 pm

In my experience most do. My NM hated me, enjoyed it had many a laugh at my expense. I fell down stairs (as a child) distressed & shook up no comfort, instead she smiled. A nasty little smirk would play on her lips. She taught her dog to bite me, she would give him a cuddle & whisper conspiratorially in his doggy ear 'we don't like her do we' The dog thought it was a good idea to bite little girls as this would please NM.
Bit a neighbors little girl in the end she hadn't done anything, just stood there he bit her on the leg. Had to be put down.

I'm sure she only kept me there for someone to hate & use as scapegoat so nothing was her fault. 7 years old and EVERYTHING was MY fault. Nice mommie. The distress she cause me was her bread & butter she fed on it.

Some people give birth to their own victims.

Ex narc husband enjoyed being spiteful. Disruption, gaslighting, trouble making, lying, pitting people against each other, then stand back and watch the fireworks. OH JOY, and all the time they watch with a sweet innocent demeanor.
They get bored easy and sooooo like a drama. As they possess no empathy what do care if anyone gets hurt?

The narcs I know thrive on hate. Thats why often the only way to cope with a Narc family is to move right away and have no contact. They make awful parents and are very toxic especially to those closest to them.
Their outside persona can often be well liked. Sigh. :(

Is it a successful strategy on life?

Well sadly it can be, many successful business men are narcissists or sub-criminal psychopaths. The sub criminal psychopath who I know and who lives near me is a millionaire. With no empathy he can ruthlessly deal with anyone who gets in his way. He threatens or harasses people if they owe him money, they pay up just to get rid of him. And hes clever. Narcs & Psychos can 'play people' .

I'm soft, I've been used and bullied. I would have been happier as a sub criminal psycho, maybe like my happy, oblivious narc 'mother'. Don't like to say it but being 'nice' has done me NO F#####G GOOD AT ALL shame ain't it, wish it wasn't true. :?
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby undenied » Wed Jun 15, 2011 2:02 pm

I've really got to disagree. It's not "hate" that they are "thriving" on. It's not a matter that they enjoy "hate". Being spiteful or even sadistic is not the same as being hateful. And not all Narcs are sadistic anyway.

For one, most of the time they aren't even aware they're being mean or spiteful at all.

For two, if they are purposefully being cruel, it's usually because they think the other person deserves it, and most people like to see deserving parties get their comeuppance. Of course they have a warped idea of who is deserving of this punishment, aka everyone but them.

Greatexpectations wrote:They get bored easy and sooooo like a drama. As they possess no empathy what do care if anyone gets hurt?

THIS I can agree with.

So basically, I think it's more of a "fill up time" thing than a "thriving on" thing. I think it's more off-handed and less purposeful than the word "hate" implies. It's just not that deep.

(In other words, I think the semantics here are all wrong and have the wrong connotation and implications.)
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Greatexpectations » Wed Jun 15, 2011 2:14 pm

Undenied wrote,

For one, most of the time they aren't even aware they're being mean or spiteful at all.

I am speaking from my own experience not from a book. My mother was/is a malignant narc she WAS aware, and she was spiteful.

Non malignant narcs do untold damage but are unaware, they tend not to display the sadistic 'smirk' common to malignants.

Undenied
I have no education like you, you've lost me now. :roll:
(In other words, I think the semantics here are all wrong and have the wrong connotation and implications.)
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby undenied » Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:13 pm

Greatexpectations wrote:I am speaking from my own experience not from a book. My mother was/is a malignant narc she WAS aware, and she was spiteful.
Non malignant narcs do untold damage but are unaware, they tend not to display the sadistic 'smirk' common to malignants.

Oh, I know you were speaking from experience, and I'm sure that there's Narcs that enjoy being a jerk. But to me the question was asking about the "average" NPD person, as opposed to someone "malignant". (Personally, I'm not sold on the malignant-versus-non concept, anyway...or at least I think it's not wrong but poorly constructed as a concept.)

Greatexpectations wrote:I have no education like you, you've lost me now. :roll:

Wat. I have no education. If this was a joke, it went over my head. :?
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Kewell » Wed Jun 15, 2011 8:50 pm

Sorry to everyone but I meant the narcissist being a hate figure. I meant if they thrive on people hating them.
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Nightowl9910 » Wed Jun 15, 2011 9:20 pm

I've wondered along those line's too. As I've recently started learning about this condition, and get the idea from what I've so far learned that it's common for narcissists - at least in part - thrive on using hateful/aggressive behaviour towards others as a defensive means of protecting their self esteem - in situations when they feel it's in danger of being threatened. Though then again maybe I'm wrong there! And admittedly, others here have much more in-depth knowledge on this than I do.
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby OneLiner » Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:00 am

Kewell wrote:Sorry to everyone but I meant the narcissist being a hate figure. I meant if they thrive on people hating them.

You mean that the narcissist would like to be hated? I guess the answer is "no". That is an even stranger statement than the first. Why would a narc want to be hated? it really does not make any sense to me. Do you have a reason to ask that? .
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Re: Do narcissists thrive on hate?

Postby Kewell » Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:12 am

OneLiner wrote:
Kewell wrote:Sorry to everyone but I meant the narcissist being a hate figure. I meant if they thrive on people hating them.

You mean that the narcissist would like to be hated? I guess the answer is "no". That is an even stranger statement than the first. Why would a narc want to be hated? it really does not make any sense to me. Do you have a reason to ask that? .



Because it is a form of attention. Let's say, living in an apartment complex. Would they prefer people there to be indifferent to them or not? If they can't get it in the form of love or admiration then they can get it in the form of hate (which could be due to envy, jealousy, feeling threatened etc.). These reasons could be something they made up or true.
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