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It sucks to make too much progress

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It sucks to make too much progress

Postby unreal » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:30 am

...because now I'm nervous for the first time ever. Delusion of superiority, please! Come back to me ;_; I need you ;_;~

fml.

(no, this is not for supply, this is boredom because I can't fscking sleep because I'm too anxious about tomorrow and it's just a stupid exam.)
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby AlAtBar » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:41 am

Kind of like in Superman II when he decides he wants to be a regular mortal so he can be with Lois Lane, but then realizes that means he is able to bleed just like everyone else? I don't think in our case the process is reversible though. Gotta get used to it.

(Haha! I'm probably dating myself by bringing up that movie. :) )
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby unreal » Mon Jun 06, 2011 1:50 am

It sucks. It sucks donkey dick.

Somebody should bully me, maybe the narcissism will come back then. lol.

But yeah, not being able to devalue anymore sucks too. It also sucks not to be able to "undo" criticism with a nice rage but to actually have to confront your wrongness.

And I miss the supply somehow. Meh. Meh.

Then again it's cool to be able to have a realistic view of yourself and your strengths and weaknesses and everything and to be able to respect others because they may be cleverer than you but I could really use some unrealistic self-confidence now. How do normies deal with this $#%^? It's hell.
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby LifeSong » Mon Jun 06, 2011 2:49 am

unreal wrote:It sucks. . How do normies deal with this $#%^? It's hell.


How does a regular person deal, in terms of a test?
Study and prepare the best I can. Put the work in.
Eat well, sleep well (if I can) and do something relaxing before test day.
Figure that I'm prepared and that I'll do the best that I can, and leave the rest up to fate.
If I don't do as well as I wanted, and I was prepared, then I chalk it up to it just being 'one of those things that happens'.
But usually, if I'm well prepared, I do well.
But no test... no test... touches my identity. That's sacrosanct... who I am isn't based on test results.
I think that's an important concept to relieve the stress of tests. Tests do not define me, though they may suggest whether this subject is a good one for me, whether I've been lazy or not, whether I understand the material or even care to understand, etc.
Where do you get your identity from?
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby unreal » Mon Jun 06, 2011 3:43 am

I wasn't talking about them having any relevance to my identity, I'm just nervous about actually going into an honest examination of my capabilities with results that will actually have an impact on me because I won't be able to devalue them.

I mean I guess grades reveal quite a lot about your personality in terms of what your talents and interests are, how much discipline you have, etc.

But that's not really what bothers me.

Where do you get your identity from?


Not from the outside. That's what all the progress is about, isn't it?
I guess my identity, or rather personality, is my pattern of behavior based on my thoughts which are in turn based on experiences.
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby LifeSong » Mon Jun 06, 2011 4:12 am

unreal wrote:I wasn't talking about them having any relevance to my identity, I'm just nervous about actually going into an honest examination of my capabilities with results that will actually have an impact on me because I won't be able to devalue them.
I mean I guess grades reveal quite a lot about your personality in terms of what your talents and interests are, how much discipline you have, etc.
But that's not really what bothers me.


Well, if the results of the test won't touch on your identity - that is, how you see yourself at a fundamental core - then your reaction of being nervous about taking a significant test justs sounds normal to me. If your nervousness is about having your capabilities honestly evaluated in an objective way, and knowing you'll have to swallow whatever the results are, then welcome to the world of having to prove one's self by objective measures, rather than by over-valuing/under-valuing/ devaluing through flights of fancy! Sorry 'bout that! :lol:

Maybe you should get some sleep now???
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby Twistedmister » Tue Jun 07, 2011 9:14 am

I understand what you are going through......


I just wonder why you care so much?


I mean.........say you pass this test. Say you pass every test from now on and build whatever life you want.........why do you want that life?

What will it mean when you get there? And why is it anymore or less important than right here right now?




Anyways.......the way you feel now, is what makes this test matter. The way you feel now, is what makes that life you want to build matter......

I'm really not sure if it's worth it or if it matters........you should enjoy this though. This is what you won.


:twisted:
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby unreal » Wed Jun 08, 2011 11:33 pm

I failed epicly, lol. But who cares.
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby LifeSong » Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:24 am

unreal wrote:I failed epicly, lol. But who cares.

You care. You care alot. It might hurt, or make you feel angry, or sad, or make you want to get drunk or numb out so that you don't feel. Whatever. I don't know. But you do care.
Yet it's not the end of the world. Right?
Sorry for the epic failure of the test. Good tho' that you can come on the board and say so, outright.
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Re: It sucks to make too much progress

Postby unreal » Thu Jun 09, 2011 11:52 pm

No I really don't care. This was one of 12 tests that mattered, and my average mark is still good enough.

Please don't act like you know better about my feelings than I do. That is very reminiscent of the delusion of omniscience. Narcissism seems to be contagious...
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
unreal
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