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Narcissism and Jealousy

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Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby Narcissist » Tue May 10, 2011 4:05 pm

I have grown up all my life thinking I was a narcissist for the following reasons. I will use the diagnostic criteria and explain under each category why I think this way.

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements). - Everything achievement I've had in my life, I have exaggerated. I still mention to this day that I was in the Honor Roll in elementary school. I personally believe I have achieved other great things and I will exploit and name them every chance I can. I will even make up or add things to my resume that I have not necessarily achieved but I have learned about. I mostly expect people to be impressed or admire me for it. When they don't seem impressed or wowed, I feel like I need to do something to impress them, which leads me to lie. There's not a single relationship/friendship I can think of that has not included some type of lie. I just need the admiration.

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love - Even though I don't sing, play any instruments, or do anything that would land me on TV, I think of myself as being on TV doing something like singing or playing instruments or even dancing. I also think of myself as being much more handsome than I really am. In my fantasies of beauty, I don't look like myself at all. I started thinking of myself as someone else physically but it's still me. I know I would never look like this person no matter what, but I don't think as myself anymore, I think of me as this perfect person I have created in my mind. I cannot stop.

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). - I believe I am superior in many ways to the average person. I usually like to associate with people who I consider are "dumb" just to make myself feel even more superior.

(4) requires excessive admiration. - Though I tend to be shy and somewhat introverted or appear to be, I love attention and feel like I deserve it when I do get it. I usually require excessive attention individually but not necessarily from crowds.

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

I could go on describing scenarios in each of the criteria. I've read quite a lot about NPD but what I've been noticing lately is what has led to me actually researching it more. Although jealousy is not part of the criteria of NPD per se, I have noticed that it is a big part of my relationships and hence, of my personality. I like the newness of relationships because during that time, I will be the center of universe. They don't know anyone better than me, and the excitement it brings to me is indescribable.

However, once the relationship gets old (past 1 year), they start friending other people. In the case of romantic relationships, they become accustomed to my presence and are no longer impressed by me. I don't feel threatened by new people in the sense that they are 'better' than me because I truly believe there won't be anyone better than me whether it's as friends or as partners. However, I do feel threatened because it would mean that I get less attention. I do feel threatened because they might become the new 'me', and could even supplant me. From the point that I am no longer the only person in their life, life becomes a fight for attention.

In my last relationship, I began questioning her love for me, where she was at all times, reading her messages, and this is a pattern that I follow with every other relationship I can think of. Because of this, I have ended hundreds of friendships and romantic relationships. The jealousy or the potential for replacement scares me. I would hate to be there to find that this person has found someone to give their undivided attention to. I also began fantasizing of her being with other man. I thought she was cheating (and therefore betraying me) with every male friend she had. I thought of her as mine, so when she would hang out with other male friends, I always thought to myself, "Is there really anyone else she would rather hang out with?" Apparently there was, and the situation was too much for me to bare. In my mind, I see it as, "How dare she choose them over me?" (Even if it's just for a few minutes). At one point, I even became jealous of same-sex friends. I was genuinely hurt by the thought of being supplanted and I had to dump her. I was also hurt by the fact that she did not beg or plead enough to get me back.

I live with my mother (single mother who I have chosen to take care of because I am her "favorite"), and she recently brought home a puppy. I find myself fighting for attention with the puppy. The puppy seems to require a lot of attention, and my mother is constantly giving her it. I am no longer the center of attention, the puppy is. As silly as it sounds, I am jealous; it actually depresses me that even my mother has replaced me with a dog.

As I read on other posts about this on here, I always think there is some type of "unwritten contract" with the people I befriend or associate with that they will be loyal to me by providing me with the attention I crave. Once they violate it, I will exaggerate it to the nth degree and I will genuinely suffer over being second-page news, or second-course meal. The contract seems to be one-way as I don't consider anyone to be a priority in my life. My priority will always be me. Lately, I am no one's front page news and I find myself depressed, lacking admiration and attention.

Does this seem characteristic of a narcissist or is this something else?
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby undenied » Wed May 11, 2011 12:33 pm

You've certainly got Narcissistic traits, sure. Recognizing them is always the first step.

The thing that really struck me was being jealous of the puppy...that's extremely NPD. Totally relate to it. Just be glad you're not totally oblivious, like many (most?) people with Narc traits are.

Of course, nobody on here is going to tell you "you have NPD" or not. We can't diagnose. You could be being really hard on yourself. You could be something other than NPD, since a lot of PDs are very similar, especially the cluster B's. There's no way to tell over a forum. But whether or not you have NPD is actually irrelevant, because you can start trying to better yourself anyway without it.

Welcome to the forum, for better or worse.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby LifeSong » Wed May 11, 2011 7:23 pm

I think you've chosen an apt member name for yourself - :wink: .
I second what undenied said.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby Narcissist » Sat May 21, 2011 1:15 am

No, I was not looking for a diagnosis but I was looking to find whether the described situation seemed characteristic of NPD.

It really bothers me that I cannot stop being so controlling of my surroundings particularly with jealousy. Anything that does not make me the center of attention, I become jealous of. I have noticed the longer the time I spend with a certain person, the more jealous I become. My mother was (is) the one person that had not failed me at making me the center of her world, and the situation with the dog just blew me away. I literally wanted to punch something (or someone :D ), but I have made slight arrangements/accommodations to fit my needs.

When it comes to romantic relationships, I find that I am only happy when it is new and I am the center of their world. Once I get "old", then it no longer pleases me and I feel the need to discard the supply, mostly because of jealousy issues. It's not lack of confidence, or lack of trust (I don't trust anyone anyway); it's just that I don't want other people interfering with the time/attention I could be getting.

Either way, thank you for the warm welcome. I look forward to reading more posts regarding similar situations.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby JPKAS » Sat May 21, 2011 1:22 am

YOu do seem pretty self aware ^w^. Yeah need to work on jealousy issues. Not an easy task. The puppy thing did make me laugh because I can imagine you grabbing the puppy and shaking it saying 'you won't replace me you silly pooch!!!" At least you recognize how silly this seems.

I think that I'm awesome and smart and usually like to dominate conversation, but at other times I don't like it at all. (because I'm not a narcissist, completely anyway)

I think I might hang around the forum a bit , anyway, if ya'll don't mind. ;O
I am an art Student : )


Diagnosis: Depressive Disorder NOS, Personality Disorder NOS

Call me Joan : 3
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby bikeboy12 » Sat May 21, 2011 2:37 am

I am exactly the same. if a friend of mine starts talking to someone else, or if someone else makes them laugh, i immediately indulge in complete jealousy and i usually act on this by blaming them for being the worst human scum on the planet, or something like that. A friend who is meant to be close to me is lately getting close to someone else, and she tells me she finds this other person funny etc. and it fills me with utter hatred and anger. This person is not, NOT funnier than me, NOt better than me, and i cannot understand how they are being picked over me. How dare she pick them over me?!

All it makes me want to do is totally abandon this friendship, disregard it, forget it completely and move on to someone else. I'm trying to fight this feeling though, but it's just getting stronger. My jealousy is far too strong. My friend was upset recently and crying and consoling in some people, and instead of wanting to help her the only thing i could think of was how she was a complete bitch for consoling in them and not me, for trusting them before me. I am the first person she is meant to trust, no one else. I almost shouted at her and insulted her due to this, but someone stopped me before i could.

Its interesting how similar we seem to be.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby undenied » Sat May 21, 2011 6:06 am

bikeboy12 wrote:Its interesting how similar we seem to be.

It'll keep happening.

Can't decide whether I think it's neat, or if I'm pissed I don't have a personality.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby Narcissist » Mon May 23, 2011 7:37 pm

bikeboy12 wrote:I am exactly the same. if a friend of mine starts talking to someone else, or if someone else makes them laugh, i immediately indulge in complete jealousy and i usually act on this by blaming them for being the worst human scum on the planet, or something like that. A friend who is meant to be close to me is lately getting close to someone else, and she tells me she finds this other person funny etc. and it fills me with utter hatred and anger. This person is not, NOT funnier than me, NOt better than me, and i cannot understand how they are being picked over me. How dare she pick them over me?!

All it makes me want to do is totally abandon this friendship, disregard it, forget it completely and move on to someone else. I'm trying to fight this feeling though, but it's just getting stronger. My jealousy is far too strong. My friend was upset recently and crying and consoling in some people, and instead of wanting to help her the only thing i could think of was how she was a complete bitch for consoling in them and not me, for trusting them before me. I am the first person she is meant to trust, no one else. I almost shouted at her and insulted her due to this, but someone stopped me before i could.

Its interesting how similar we seem to be.


I thought you were just describing my situation there for a second. I hate it when someone else is a conversation and they get more attention than I do. Same when I get introduced to someone, and someone is "brought along" to a conversation, I think to myself, "What's the use of having this other person here if I'm here?" It particularly bothers me when they are praised for something in a group (significant academic achievement, or a more advanced academic degree than mine).

And I know it's completely childish, irrational, and silly but it actually does get through to me, and though before I would just move on to someone else and walk away from them without saying a word, now it kind of hurts. (I would never admit this in person).

I have broken up with people before, "discarded them", but now that I've grown older, I just feel like it hurts me rather than makes me feel like "NEXT!". When I was younger, I had the option to say "NEXT!", and removed them off my "chess board" (my life), but now that I'm older, I don't have that many options, and find myself getting depressed. Sure, I can manipulate people to the extent that they'll be at my feet, but uncertainty worries me. It makes me wonder, "when will they grow sick of me?", "how long until the next threat comes along?"; they might not be better than me AT ALL but they are still perceived as a threat. A threat to me is now just laughing at someone else's joke more than mine. Threats everywhere.

:| A lot of people might find it funny, or silly but it has actually become quite depressing. The puppy gets to go to the Salon, the vet, and petted by complete strangers. It literally feels like my main Narc Supply has abandoned me.

undenied wrote:Can't decide whether I think it's neat, or if I'm pissed I don't have a personality.


I think it's neat when it happens in this forum (not reality), but if I find that someone else is somewhat on the same level that I am in real life, it'll make me feel irrelevant, obsolete, outdated, and will land me searching for a new thing to brag about.
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Re: Narcissism and Jealousy

Postby Narcissist » Mon May 23, 2011 7:42 pm

And may I add that sometimes I do believe these threats are legitimate. I can't tell to what extent they are really a threat or a perceived threat.

There's no line between a cognitive distortion and reality. That line has grown blurred.
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