bikeboy12 wrote:I am exactly the same. if a friend of mine starts talking to someone else, or if someone else makes them laugh, i immediately indulge in complete jealousy and i usually act on this by blaming them for being the worst human scum on the planet, or something like that. A friend who is meant to be close to me is lately getting close to someone else, and she tells me she finds this other person funny etc. and it fills me with utter hatred and anger. This person is not, NOT funnier than me, NOt better than me, and i cannot understand how they are being picked over me. How dare she pick them over me?!
All it makes me want to do is totally abandon this friendship, disregard it, forget it completely and move on to someone else. I'm trying to fight this feeling though, but it's just getting stronger. My jealousy is far too strong. My friend was upset recently and crying and consoling in some people, and instead of wanting to help her the only thing i could think of was how she was a complete bitch for consoling in them and not me, for trusting them before me. I am the first person she is meant to trust, no one else. I almost shouted at her and insulted her due to this, but someone stopped me before i could.
Its interesting how similar we seem to be.
I thought you were just describing my situation there for a second. I hate it when someone else is a conversation and they get more attention than I do. Same when I get introduced to someone, and someone is "brought along" to a conversation, I think to myself, "What's the use of having this other person here if I'm here?" It particularly bothers me when they are praised for something in a group (significant academic achievement, or a more advanced academic degree than mine).
And I know it's completely childish, irrational, and silly but it actually does get through to me, and though before I would just move on to someone else and walk away from them without saying a word, now it kind of hurts. (I would never admit this in person).
I have broken up with people before, "discarded them", but now that I've grown older, I just feel like it hurts me rather than makes me feel like "NEXT!". When I was younger, I had the option to say "NEXT!", and removed them off my "chess board" (my life), but now that I'm older, I don't have that many options, and find myself getting depressed. Sure, I can manipulate people to the extent that they'll be at my feet, but uncertainty worries me. It makes me wonder, "when will they grow sick of me?", "how long until the next threat comes along?"; they might not be better than me AT ALL but they are still perceived as a threat. A threat to me is now just laughing at someone else's joke more than mine. Threats everywhere.
A lot of people might find it funny, or silly but it has actually become quite depressing. The puppy gets to go to the Salon, the vet, and petted by complete strangers. It literally feels like my main Narc Supply has abandoned me.
undenied wrote:Can't decide whether I think it's neat, or if I'm pissed I don't have a personality.
I think it's neat when it happens in this forum (not reality), but if I find that someone else is somewhat on the same level that I am in real life, it'll make me feel irrelevant, obsolete, outdated, and will land me searching for a new thing to brag about.