We just recently discovered out that my mom has NPD with paranoid personality disorder. She's not diagnosed, but we've known something was up with her, just couldn't put our finger on it until recently. We actually thought she may have had a mild for of Paranoid Schitzophrenia because of the conspiracy theories she creates. I realize now that they are created due to her need to fullfill that part of her which needs to be the center of something grander. She started one last year that has had a horrible effect on our relationship, and due to my concern of her insistance that she tell my young children, I denied her their fathers cell phone number so she couldnt contact them herself. I did tell her it was his work cell number, which is partly true, and after her insistance for months she finally stopped when I gave her the address to write them letters. I know she wont write it in a letter because the dramatic effect is lessened. She found out I gave my older brother their number, and now has managed to twist everything like I have always prevented her relationship with my kids even though she did have hteir previous home number and address for 3 years and never contacted them herself. I found proof of that and sent it to her, and of course, she still found some way to try and say I prevented a relationship with her grandkids.
She is an NPD mother in every worse sense possible. I was the 'scapegoat' and my brother the 'golden child'. I found a letter she had written shortly after I was born where she was thanking GOD for answering her prayers about wanting a daughter that didn't need any attention. She had written how she couldn't handle a needy child because my older brother was already ill, and she didn't have extra time for me. She reminded me of that through my childhood, and to this day, still does. My brother had grown resentful for it too because how she uses his asthma as the reason her entire life was put on hold. She likes to manipulate both of us with all of it. She fits this description of an NPD mother to a tee: http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
I get scared to let her alone with my children because she nearly dropped them from her 3rd floor balcony when my youngest was 1.5 and my oldest was almost 3. My ex husband and I managed to catch them just in the nick of time. She laughed at me for over exaggerating, saying they would have been fine, but we had 4 other witnesses. She cut out relationship off shortly after that because I didn't comply with her needs to spend every waking second away from my kids and husband at the time. She always cut our relationship off when I didn't comply to her rules saying I wasn't honoring her or respecting her enough. This has led me to feel like I am expendable by everyone, and I have developed severe security issues due to it. I also am very paranoid now as to how I am as a mother. My mother of course says I am a horrible mother now, and how I should just give my kids up to their father. She says that I am a failure because Im remarried to someone who is foreign and it has taken us a long time to get him to America. I did have to go out of the country at one point to sponsor him to bring him back faster, and she says I chose a man over my kids, which I didn't do. He loves them, they love him, and we're working to pay for their college together.
She says she would never have abandoned me which she did do when I was 16. She handed me over to my father for wanting to visit him while she made arrangements for us to move to California. She had always harrassed me about my grades, and when I brought them up to straight A's while I lived with my dad she became jealous. I moved out on my own at 17 to go to a magnet school in another city. I had passed the entry exam, and went to go register, but was declined because the principal said my mother had called that morning to tell them I was a run-away. She called all the schools in the entire city and said the same. My father couldn't help me and the attorneys that offered to help me couldn't either because my mom had full custody. I got my GED later on, but to this day my mom still calls me a highschool drop out. It really ruined my future because I wasn't able to get into college, and it ruined my motivation to try for anything in fear that she would tear it apart. Which has turned out to be true. She always tries to rip apart any good thing I have to this day.
I know this is a long message, but it all leads up to recent problems. She is now so wrapped up with her conspiracy that she has her foreign fiance and his family, and his little kids al believing her. Which is sad, but it's nothing I can help. I confronted her about why I didn't give her my childrens number, and how I didn't think she was crazy, but I was concerned for her. I told her I was waiting for it to pass, and then I wouldn have given it to her. Of course that made it worse. She of course threw her fiances education in my face by saying that since he is educated and believes her I must be the crazy one not to believe. She slammed me for my conversion to Islam, and said I forced it on my children, which I didn't do because they were born so. It's no different than a Christian raising their child chrisitan from enfancy. She slammed me for going out of the country to bring my husband back, and twisted how I met him, even though her and I weren't on speaking terms at the time and she has no idea how we met nor knowledge of the past 6 years of my childrens lives. It was because of him and my religion that I even reached out to try with her again. She told me I am a horrible mother, and that I should let my kids be raised by their father and stepmother in order for them to be happy and have a good life. She threatened to cut me off again if I didn't comply with her and honor her better. She also said she will support my brothers efforts to convert my children to Christianity, even though she thinks his behavior is wrong, she at least thinks my kids have a chance of being Christians if she supports him.
I have no idea how to write back to her because I'm tired of always having to correct her manipulative lies. I'm tired of having to set things straight just for her to twist the facts to make me look evil and make herself look spotless. I'm tired of playing her mind games. We've never told her we think she has NPD. In fact she says she's gotten tested for any psychological illnesses and the psych DR said she is fine. Yet our lives are always in extreme drama and pain when she's around. Have ANY of you confronted your Parents or anyone with NPD? How do you confront someone lke this? I don't expect it to get better, but I just want her to know that I know, and I won't take her BS anymore. I want her to know we figured her out, and she cant fool us anymore. I know she'll deny it and stil try, but it will always be in the back of her head. I can't completely cut her off because my religious beliefs prohibit it, but I want to find a way to explain to her that I am going to distance myself and my children from her even though we do love her.
Please Please Please share with me your experiences of confrontation or how you have learned to deal with it.