narcwife11 wrote:In the first year of my marriage, my husband who was a former drug abuser, called a call girl he was introduced to through a friend to buy cocaine. I found out about the plan to buy the cocaine and was very upset. He has not been officially diagnosed with NPD but is a text book case -- abusive childhood, rage, inferiority, intimacy issues. Sex was never really his vice it was always drugs. As I researched NPD though I came across a lot of information regarding how Ns are serially cheaters and perpetually dishonest. I have had divorce papers written up and need to make a decision in the next couple weeks of whether to file or try one more time. He has, over the past year, improved greatly and is trying very hard to overcome old problems. The diagnosis that NPD cannot be cured makes me feel I should give up now if they're lost causes!
Here, in my opinion, is an example of where tagging someone as NPD is not at all helpful.
Your question assumes he IS NPD, and your divorce decision, because of that, will be influenced by a faulty set of considerations!
Given the little you've said here, it doesn't matter at all whether he is 'textbook NPD', or not. The abusive childhood, rage, inferiority, intimacy difficulties can all be part of many, many diagnoses, or none.
To me, the presenting problem is that he is an addict. He may be a former drug user, but he is still an addict. He hasn't yet sufficiently recovered. He is still seeking out his drug of choice. Whether that drug comes via a callgirl (and usage and proximity leads to a bit of sex), or through other means, the question is not whether he is NPD, but the reality is that he remains an addict.
Playing around with the issue of NPD obscures the problem, and diverts you into considering whether NPD folks can be cured or not... can you see that that's a false path away from the presenting problem?
He needs to get sober. Sane and sober. Long term sobriety. Into recovery with a real recovery program (which is far more than just abstinence).
Then, and only then, can you two consider whether he might be narcissistic.