After reading and finally discoverying what has made me tick all these years, knowing that I have got involved with one narcissistic after the other, trying in vane to please people that I could never begin to please, I can reflect and feel great loss. Great loss for the life I was entitled to and was never given, the love and praise I never received. At the same time it makes me angry. My mom may not know any better but that doesn't change what has happened or who did this.
I understand the loss you speak of. I feel so much frustration when I look back. The crappy jobs (N parents had no interest in me and did not support my education) The awful N relationships I seemed to end up in (I must have victim written on me) Always, always, desperately trying to please. Trying to please Narcs, the more you try to please a narc the more difficult and obnoxious they became, So guess what, I'd try even harder!! To the point of exhaustion.
I had a lifetime of being told I was lazy, useless, an embarrassment and nothing but one big mistake
Yeah right, thanks Mommie Dearest.
Now at 55 with the help of this forum I realize the truth. It wasn't ME that was wrong it was them.
My life should have been very different too. I feel very angry and very bitter at times, I try not to be at least most of the time as it doesn't achieve anything.
I don't think you need worry about who you might displease any more you've done enough of that. If you want to do something and it pleases you just do it!
You can't please everyone so you might as well please yourself.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.