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Are Narcissists happy?

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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby narcbolan » Sat Apr 02, 2011 12:45 am

Hmm, yeah, I tried a few food analogies as well but got nowhere!

I think you may have nailed it in less poncy intellectual terms than me,......which is nice. :)
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby SansStars » Sat Apr 02, 2011 12:49 am

narcbolan wrote:
I think you may have nailed it in less poncy intellectuall terms than me,......which is nice. :)


Not everyone speaks poncy. I was just trying to translate. ;)
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby expressivecreative » Sat Apr 02, 2011 12:54 am

I'm just curious because I don't really feel like me life was impaired dramatically until after I became involved with a narcissist. I functioned rather normally - with the usual highs and lows I think normal people experience. Yet, 6 months out of a narcissistic relationship I was diagnosed with HPD. I have some of the symptoms, but I also have symptoms of borderline and also bipolar, so I'm not sure what the heck is wrong with me. I've been told that victims of narc abuse often suffer PTSD and the symptoms can mimic personality disorders - someone on another thread mentioned "defensive mirroring." I'm not trying to blame shift or deny I have issues, I'm just hoping that I can discuss with my therapist the possibility of dealing with the trauma of the abuse and suicide attempt before "diagnosing" me with a PD. In short, I was never "crazy" or overwhelmed by my emotions until I met my ex narc. I know it sounds like blame-shifting, it's just that I've had some issues come up lately with my ex and I'm still trying to figure out what the heck happened. I was certainly never suicidal before this relationship, and have never in my life been that depressed.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, / But I have promises to keep, / And miles to go before I sleep, / And miles to go before I sleep.

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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby SansStars » Sat Apr 02, 2011 1:07 am

expressivecreative wrote:I'm just curious because I don't really feel like me life was impaired dramatically until after I became involved with a narcissist. I functioned rather normally - with the usual highs and lows I think normal people experience. Yet, 6 months out of a narcissistic relationship I was diagnosed with HPD. I have some of the symptoms, but I also have symptoms of borderline and also bipolar, so I'm not sure what the heck is wrong with me. I've been told that victims of narc abuse often suffer PTSD and the symptoms can mimic personality disorders - someone on another thread mentioned "defensive mirroring." I'm not trying to blame shift or deny I have issues, I'm just hoping that I can discuss with my therapist the possibility of dealing with the trauma of the abuse and suicide attempt before "diagnosing" me with a PD. In short, I was never "crazy" or overwhelmed by my emotions until I met my ex narc. I know it sounds like blame-shifting, it's just that I've had some issues come up lately with my ex and I'm still trying to figure out what the heck happened. I was certainly never suicidal before this relationship, and have never in my life been that depressed.


We're calling your ex PD PTSD-esque, not you, dear.

I said once that it can't be easy for a non to not form maladaptive traits from their narc's maladaptive responses to normal stimuli.

Meaning- You are still coming down.. recovering from him. I think you're therapist should have waited to dx you with HPD for a while but I also wasn't sitting in on your sessions. I know you're coping here. Not only are you coping with him, but with your own fate and diagnosis.
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby Anais » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:55 am

narcbolan and everyone, thanks.

I misunderstood you, I agree with the PDs being a form of PTSD idea... I thought you meant people with PTSD also have PDs by default. Sorry.

Then there's Co-PTSD to consider as well... that may be what many adult children of narcissists have: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Complex_po ... s_disorder

Probably wouldn't fit you though EC since your problem/relationship was more of a one-off experience. I'm guessing that your family background was fine, right? I don't think I've seen you mention otherwise..?

SansStars, damn you, I want M&Ms now. <3
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby narcbolan » Sat Apr 02, 2011 11:13 am

expressivecreative wrote:I'm just curious because I don't really feel like me life was impaired dramatically until after I became involved with a narcissist. I functioned rather normally - with the usual highs and lows I think normal people experience. Yet, 6 months out of a narcissistic relationship I was diagnosed with HPD. I have some of the symptoms, but I also have symptoms of borderline and also bipolar, so I'm not sure what the heck is wrong with me. I've been told that victims of narc abuse often suffer PTSD and the symptoms can mimic personality disorders - someone on another thread mentioned "defensive mirroring." I'm not trying to blame shift or deny I have issues, I'm just hoping that I can discuss with my therapist the possibility of dealing with the trauma of the abuse and suicide attempt before "diagnosing" me with a PD. In short, I was never "crazy" or overwhelmed by my emotions until I met my ex narc. I know it sounds like blame-shifting, it's just that I've had some issues come up lately with my ex and I'm still trying to figure out what the heck happened. I was certainly never suicidal before this relationship, and have never in my life been that depressed.



Ahhh right I understand you now. :idea:

Perhaps your therapist may have been a bit previous but my guess is he gave you that answer because you asked it of him.

I still don't hold with the whole idea of PTSD mimicing anything, and on that basis I would take a risk by guessing that your bipolar/borderline/HPD symptoms are more than likely to have always been there because they would have played a large part in you mistaking some sort of subconcsious negative identification for attraction to your ex. It's just that before your ex there wasn't really anything in your life to trigger you in such an extreme way as a destructive intimate relationship would.

Then along he comes and REALLY triggers you and although possibly dormant, wooosh, up your symptoms come traumatising you and re-triggering all the unconcsious historical emotional wounds that may have even occured before you were aware, perhaps at a very early age.

The most important thing (at least for now) is to recover. Once you've done that maybe you'd want to go back a bit further and have a look, or maybe you'll just want to accept a diagnosis and adjust your life accordingly - it can be done. It's your recovery, you do what you want with it.

Also please try to stop thinking of things in terms of blame when talking about yourself.
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby SansStars » Sat Apr 02, 2011 8:46 pm

Anais wrote:
SansStars, damn you, I want M&Ms now. <3


Image

I'll share.
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby Anais » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:09 pm

Aw, thank you SansStars! <3
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby unreal » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:13 pm

I'm a self-aware narcissist and I try to heal, and I've just been happier than I've ever been before, because I've spent a day and a night with a self-aware narcissistic girl with whom I've instantly fallen in love. The empathy, the understanding and the intimacy we shared made me feel almost normal - although we discussed our disorder all the time.

So, happiness is obviously terribly subjective. Before I knew her, I'd have said that narcissists are definitely happy because they don't feel they lack anything, but now that I've been with her, I know what i've lacked before. The happiness I felt with her transcends every positive feeling I've had before, even narcissistic supply, because the euphoria of supply has a terribly evil element in it, which I didn't even notice until now. So now that I know what pure happiness is, compared with the "evil" happiness that narcissists feel, I wouldn't say that narcissists are happy. But they don't know it because they don't know what happiness is. Even now that I'm alone, I feel much more human than I ever did before I met her.

And I'm incredibly fascinated by this relevation that a narcissist can be healed by another one. This is the ultimate conceputal reconciliation of narcissism and love. It's the most beautiful thing in the world.

We gave each other narcissistic injuries and rages all the time, but because we UNDERSTOOD each other, we could be IRONIC about it and LAUGH ABOUT OURSELVES, which I've never done before! Ironic narcissistic rage was an absolutely new experience for me because I usually associated it with panic, fear and aggression, but here it became an expression of AFFECTION, which I hadn't ever felt before in that way either!

Oh God I'm so incredibly excited about this.
What we are concerned with is narcissism in a pathological sense, with self-love that serves as a cloak for self-hatred. The polarities of self-hatred and self-love are linked together in the defensive system, but the nuclear problem is the self-hatred.
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Re: Are Narcissists happy?

Postby expressivecreative » Sat Apr 02, 2011 9:21 pm

Oh unreal, be careful. Be SO careful. If I am truly HPD, then I am basic the female counterpart to my narcissist ex, so my relationship with him would have been, in a way, a relationship between two narcissists of the opposite sex. Nothing has destroyed me more than this man.

The only thing that's comforted me lately is planning my suicide 12 years from now. I think I can pull it off without destroying my children if I wait until they are grown - leave them letters for every year of their life etc.. And it feels good knowing that there will eventually be an end to my pain. This is obviously CRAZY and in 12 years I may be better (I have hope that I will be better). But it's something I've been thinking about and then only thing that comforts me. My life has been utterly destroyed. Don't go down that road, man. I don't wish what I've been through on anyone.

I guess maybe the worst part is the deceit. As long as you know that the other person has not empathy and doesn't care about you - is utterly incapable of caring about you - then you'll be okay? I'm totally baffled by that. But then Narcissism baffles me entirely. It's like there are two people inside, but only one that can be loved - and that is the fake one.

Just be careful. Please be careful.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep, / But I have promises to keep, / And miles to go before I sleep, / And miles to go before I sleep.

dx: HPD with borderline tendencies, depression
suicide attempt 10/2/10
rx: Wellbutrin, valium
EMDR guinea pig (I'll let you know if it works)
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