imjustagirl wrote:Today, I added him to my facebook, when we were on the phone I mentioned it in passing and said 'accept me when you get a chance' - he went MAD! Started going off saying "why are you adding me to facebook? I will never accept you to facebook, I promise I will never add you" I asked why, he said "we live together, what's the point?" - I said "so, we're not always together and almost every one has their partner as a friend" he shouted "don't compare me to others, I will never add you" - I said "why?" and he just hung up on me. I called him back about 6 times but he would not answer the phone and has not spoken to me since - this was about 6 hours ago. He then deactivated his entire facebook page - ALL because I added him as a friend!! WHAT THE F?????? I cannot BELIEVE this reaction. He also previously removed all photos of me (and me and him together) from his facebook page - this was a while back. I thought he'd be happy and proud to have his wife on his facebook page, but no, he went mental.
There is another facet of the Narcissist's compulsive lying that is also worth considering.
For the disordered individual, life has been erratic, confused and wobbly like a jelly. His caregivers flip-flopped between admiring him and exploiting his weaknesses. Where he might have expected to find unconditional love and support, he has instead been rejected and humiliated. Thus his whole life has been one of CHAOS and he believes he carries chaos within him.
As an adult he is driven to create this chaos wherever he goes. Firstly, because it is at the heart of the storm that he feels most comfortable and most in control. Whilst others flounder around him, losing their minds, he sits in the middle of the maelstrom holding the reins. He has been made to feel this madness his whole life and why shouldn't you feel it too? Hence whilst chaos makes us feel vulnerable, it makes the Narcissist omnipotent.
He has also learnt that there are benefits to manufacturing chaos. If the 'other' cannot pin him down, or take away his independence by understanding him, if she cannot predict his behaviour, then he is able to do as he pleases. You are, after all, busy trying to make head or tail of what he has told you (see above). If you are unsure of where you stand, of what has happened, your position of 'attack' (as he perceives it) is weakened. You are more likely to wait, to see if your fears or suspicions are corroborated, or if you 'Just got things wrong' and are 'confused'. Since you do not believe the evidence of your eyes, you will wait a little while longer and 'see what happens' or wait to 'catch him out'.
If the chaos ends then it is likely you will discover the truth - and that cannot be. Confusion and chaos provide a cloak of invisibility and a means by which to evade responsibilities. They also - in some perverse way - cause the 'other' to cling on even tighter, pouring all of their time and energy into the Narcissist. And isn't that what he wants?
But JAG, just as an end note, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AGAIN??????