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Pathological Lying and NPD...

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Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby imjustagirl » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:10 am

I was reading another thread just now, which mentioned pathological lying in NPD, which got me interested... I know my N lies about things, but I would really be interested to hear the experiences of others on this one. I would love to hear from people with NPD - why you would do it, what you would lie about and things like that. I would also love to hear from the people on the receiving end of it, what lies have you been told etc.

I don't know a lot about the lying side of NPD and would really like to understand it more. Anyone care to share?
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby raene » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:19 am

I've noted anything from wild exaggerations on resume to.. just about anything one may need to come up with to "hustle" someone. It seems to just flow as needed. One consistency that can be counted on is the denial of flaws, actions, words, what the words meant, etc to avoid accountability, but that would seem like it goes without saying. :wink:
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby imjustagirl » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:27 am

yeah, the lies about accomplishments are definitely HUGE with my N. He's only in his early 20's and has about 10 different professions that he is a MASTER in! LOL. :roll: Seriously... there's a long list of "professions" that he has had and "qualifications" that he has got. Tell me why we're not living in a fantastic house with a few cars and lots of money then? :lol:. I guess I kind of always saw these as exaggerations, but to exaggerate something it would need to be PARTIALLY true, I suppose. Therefore, I guess it IS lying. I just never really looked at it like that before.

Yes, also the denying, the twisting, the blaming, avoiding type stuff is big too. Same kinda thing here, I never really thought of these things as "lies" but just abuse really, but again, I guess they are lies.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby Galliano » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:48 am

A Malignant Narcissist lies compulsively and pathologically. They do not want to 'share' or divulge their thoughts. It actually becomes riciculous. The Malignant thinks they are evasive and clever. They aren't. They are transparent. The truth is that their partner knows them 100%...there is no mystery: They will always lie and they can never be trusted.

It's not until their partner Google's 'Compulsive Lying', that they discover the psychopathy of Narcissism. Then the game is up. :D
Sane - not Narcissist.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby imjustagirl » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:53 am

what you say is 100% true. My N is completely transparent - I can see straight through him and I know all of what he is up to and he does not like it, which is why he gets aggressive and refuses to talk about it. You are SO right - he does NOT want to share ANYTHING - nothing! about himself, his thoughts, what he's up to (even if completely innocent!) - nothing! I do not trust him at all. Not one bit.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby raene » Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:10 am

Galliano wrote:They are transparent. The truth is that their partner knows them 100%...there is no mystery: They will always lie and they can never be trusted.


In my experience, this is true. I've even mentioned before, "Hey, you don't even have an audience to impress here.. what's the point?"

You can imagine, this wasn't met with much amusement. :lol:

Even so, for the outside world, PDs seem to be absolute pro's at lying.. most of the time.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby Galliano » Fri Jan 21, 2011 2:21 am

With NPD and Cluster B's, you need a constant to make sense of the madness. The constant is lying. It's the one predictable thing... they will ALWAYS lie. Nothing is true. Nothing. When a person cannot answer yes or no, it's time to go. F*ck them... Liars are liars. Get rid.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby Blarneystone » Fri Jan 21, 2011 12:59 pm

imjustagirl wrote:
I don't know a lot about the lying side of NPD and would really like to understand it more. Anyone care to share?


I don't have full blown NPD. but I have NPD traits - I believe started as a defense mechanism against my NPD mom.

Anyway, the lying is something very natural. I've worked hard over the years like an addict to stop all forms of lying, however I still lie around my mother. And boy can we lie. Things you wouldn't even think are worth lying about we do. "our friend's carpet was green so it hid the grass stain." when the carpet was really white.

The N has a desire to avoid responsibility and blame. The fragile ego is always on guard against attack. Therefore lying makes this so very easy. If your S.O. is an N I would be shocked if he wasn't lying all the time. That's part of what makes the victim feel crazy. "Wait, they said this. That happened. I feel crazy because my reaction was this."

To me, it actually feels good to do the lie game. Almost like some endorphins are released or something every time I create some fantasy utopia that convinces my mom to stop her nonsense. I imagine it's the same for NPDs too. But I have never asked.

in your case, I think he lies about his pain and ailments. After all, how can you prove he isn't suffering?

Lying is primarily a defense. But it can also be a tool to set someone up or to simply entertain the N.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby imjustagirl » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:11 pm

yes, he does lie all the time. I know he does it, it is so transparent.

Today, I added him to my facebook, when we were on the phone I mentioned it in passing and said 'accept me when you get a chance' - he went MAD! Started going off saying "why are you adding me to facebook? I will never accept you to facebook, I promise I will never add you" I asked why, he said "we live together, what's the point?" - I said "so, we're not always together and almost every one has their partner as a friend" he shouted "don't compare me to others, I will never add you" - I said "why?" and he just hung up on me. I called him back about 6 times but he would not answer the phone and has not spoken to me since - this was about 6 hours ago. He then deactivated his entire facebook page - ALL because I added him as a friend!! WHAT THE F?????? I cannot BELIEVE this reaction. He also previously removed all photos of me (and me and him together) from his facebook page - this was a while back. I thought he'd be happy and proud to have his wife on his facebook page, but no, he went mental.

He is hiding something and I think I know exactly what it is - and today, I will find out exactly what it is. I know exactly where I am going to start looking as well. He is full of sh*t and he is lying and hiding something. I am absolutely devastated, hurt, rejected and upset. I think I've cried for the entire 6 hours since this happened. I just cannot take it any longer. Today is where it stops, I am SICK of living like this and I fully intend to find out exactly what is going on. I will involve anyone and everyone in getting my answer, I no longer care about his reactions to anything. I will have my answer because I am important too and I deserve to make informed decisions about my life and my future. I will not be kept in the dark any longer. Whatever the truth is, however much it hurts - it cannot be worse than what I have been through and what I am going through right now. I will no longer suffer this bullsh*t. This is the last day that I am going to suffer this. It is going to hurt terribly to pull myself away and put an end to this torture, but it cannot be worse than what I face for the rest of my life if I do not stop it.
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Re: Pathological Lying and NPD...

Postby Normal? » Fri Jan 21, 2011 3:37 pm

imjustagirl wrote:Today, I added him to my facebook, when we were on the phone I mentioned it in passing and said 'accept me when you get a chance' - he went MAD! Started going off saying "why are you adding me to facebook? I will never accept you to facebook, I promise I will never add you" I asked why, he said "we live together, what's the point?" - I said "so, we're not always together and almost every one has their partner as a friend" he shouted "don't compare me to others, I will never add you" - I said "why?" and he just hung up on me. I called him back about 6 times but he would not answer the phone and has not spoken to me since - this was about 6 hours ago. He then deactivated his entire facebook page - ALL because I added him as a friend!! WHAT THE F?????? I cannot BELIEVE this reaction. He also previously removed all photos of me (and me and him together) from his facebook page - this was a while back. I thought he'd be happy and proud to have his wife on his facebook page, but no, he went mental.


JAG

There is another facet of the Narcissist's compulsive lying that is also worth considering.

For the disordered individual, life has been erratic, confused and wobbly like a jelly. His caregivers flip-flopped between admiring him and exploiting his weaknesses. Where he might have expected to find unconditional love and support, he has instead been rejected and humiliated. Thus his whole life has been one of CHAOS and he believes he carries chaos within him.

As an adult he is driven to create this chaos wherever he goes. Firstly, because it is at the heart of the storm that he feels most comfortable and most in control. Whilst others flounder around him, losing their minds, he sits in the middle of the maelstrom holding the reins. He has been made to feel this madness his whole life and why shouldn't you feel it too? Hence whilst chaos makes us feel vulnerable, it makes the Narcissist omnipotent.

He has also learnt that there are benefits to manufacturing chaos. If the 'other' cannot pin him down, or take away his independence by understanding him, if she cannot predict his behaviour, then he is able to do as he pleases. You are, after all, busy trying to make head or tail of what he has told you (see above). If you are unsure of where you stand, of what has happened, your position of 'attack' (as he perceives it) is weakened. You are more likely to wait, to see if your fears or suspicions are corroborated, or if you 'Just got things wrong' and are 'confused'. Since you do not believe the evidence of your eyes, you will wait a little while longer and 'see what happens' or wait to 'catch him out'.

If the chaos ends then it is likely you will discover the truth - and that cannot be. Confusion and chaos provide a cloak of invisibility and a means by which to evade responsibilities. They also - in some perverse way - cause the 'other' to cling on even tighter, pouring all of their time and energy into the Narcissist. And isn't that what he wants?

But JAG, just as an end note, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AGAIN??????
This should have been a noble creature:
A goodly frame of glorious elements,
Had they been wisely mingled; as it is,
It is an awful chaos—light and darkness,
And mind and dust, and passions and pure thoughts,
Mix’d, and contending without end or order,
All dormant or destructive.
Normal?
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