Galliano wrote:Anger and hate actually works like oxygen to them.
It's funny because my N accuses me of loving to argue, he says I have a "fetish" with arguing. What will happen is this... I will try and TALK to him about any particular issue that is going on and he will get aggressive in a SNAP about it, shouting, refusing the conversation, starts saying nasty things, tells me he doesn't have time, starts ignoring me, gives me the silent treatment, winds me up etc and I end up getting frustrated and angry and I react to it, then everything ends up in an argument. He cannot see that if he would simply TALK to me, communicate with me, then none of the arguing would EVER happen! It's ridiculous. Somehow it is ALWAYS my fault for simply wanting to COMMUNICATE within my marriage. He then reacts like I have abused HIM and will start all kinds of funny behaviours - forcing the tears out, shaking his head, starring into the distance as if his life is about to be over with this melancholy look on his face, making stupid noises etc - all to get attention and invoke guilt within me. He accuses me of anger and hate, but it is actually him. A marriage can never work without communication. Asking someone to communicate with you and expecting it within a marriage is NOT abuse. It's a perfectly reasonable request. Like you say, he PLAYS at victim.
Anyway, back to the actual thread topic... reading the original post again... with regards to the clinical depression part - what is this like for a person with NPD. I know I suffer depression terribly... most of it is the result of emotional abuse. I suppose I don't understand how a person with NPD becomes depressed when they have such high opinions of themselves and how one would BE when depressed? My N thinks he is so wonderful at LIFE and is God's gift to the heavens and earth. Is this just because this is an outward face for the people to see, but inside he is really completely depressed? - does a person with NPD know that they're depressed or do they fool themselves as well as others with the faces that they put on? I am interested.