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An Open Letter to my Soon to be Ex-Husband

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An Open Letter to my Soon to be Ex-Husband

Postby arrested » Sat Jan 08, 2011 12:29 pm

Hi John,

I hope you’re doing okay, although I hear you are not. I want to tell you that I got into our marriage with very high hopes and my intention was always to love you. That has deserted me and I can only feel a very mild pity for you.

I have a lot of guilt, I can’t believe I exposed my son to the rage and venom he experienced after we married. He still has nightmares, of you chasing us down the lane. He’s a strong boy with lost of love surrounding him, I’m sure he’ll be an excellent man. His school reports since you left have been exceptional. He loves his new school and as soon as you tried to contact him there the school alerted me and the local police. I hope you didn’t get into any trouble over that.

I’ve been lucky, as my doctor and the social services, the school, neighbours and family all saw the real you when you went into meltdown after we broke up. The police have been harder to deal with. What on earth did you tell them to make them surround my house with blue lights flashing? Anyway, that all worked out for me too. I had a great lawyer who goes after the police whenever he can for ‘wrongful arrest’. Your description of me, as ‘very wide, and not looking like a female’ helped a lot. When I was sitting in front of the interviewing officers, it made your statement seem a tad dishonest.

I saw you this week, you passed me on the road in your truck. You didn’t recognise me because I’ve got a new car. I’m encouraged by that, a few months ago you would have known I had changed my car.

Every time you enter my property illegally and damage something, I just get it fixed. Have you noticed, it’s just not worth my time and energy trying to convince the police it was you? I can afford to repair the damage you do, I do that to keep it away from my son. I don’t want him to know you are still crazy about this. Also, a couple of the neighbours just quietly come over and fix stuff - they’ve had to deal with you too.

I notice you haven’t been in touch with any of my friends or family for a while. Are you cross that they have seen through you?

As to the money, John. You won’t be getting any more from me. I do appreciate your situation, all the debt you have and your approach to retirement age. It must be scary, however, I have to look after me and my son now. I know your grown up daughters still expect you to support them, but you should stop doing that via credit. They won’t help you when you are homeless.

I don’t hate you John, I just want you out of my life. I want my son never to come across you in the village. He’s a big chap now and I have to tell you he has a lot of anger. I’ve heard you are moving a long way away, I hope so.

I do have some pity for you, John. Your mother, your sister, your daughters, none of them love you do they? We haven’t had any direct contact for 7 months now and I never want to have any with you again. I’m sorry for that and sometimes feel I should be more compassionate. I do accept that I allowed our relationship to progress too quickly. I was naive, I’d never met a person as deceitful as you. Neither had my friends or family. ‘We judge others, as ourselves’. So true. I expected you to be honest and you expected me to be deceitful. A lesson.

I hope there is some happiness in your future John.
Disclaimer: My stbx was not diagnosed with NPD. I recognise the behaviour I experienced in others' posts. I don't assume that every 'ex' is NPD, I just respond to the behaviours described. Doesn't matter anymore, NPD won't exist by 2013.
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