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the silent treatment

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the silent treatment

Postby Kala » Mon Jan 03, 2011 2:07 am

Is it common for narcissists to use the silent treatment on people? Do they think about the people they are using it on while they are doing it or do they just block them out like the person is dead to them?

This is happening to me for the second time. It lasted for 9 months the last time.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby bja999 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:35 am

It's very very common....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8D4XiSYqmU
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby MsSandy121 » Mon Jan 03, 2011 6:53 am

I get it all the time from my husband. With us it can last days or weeks. My mom use to do it too. I consider myself lucky now when it happens, and act like it doesn't bother me. Inside I am boiling mad.

I don't know that they think you are dead, more than likely they are not even thinking about you. Their thoughts are just about always on themselves. Only time they think of others, it when it concerns what that person could do for them. Not about the person.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby reticulator » Mon Jan 03, 2011 4:45 pm

I have come to the conclusion that they won't be silent for long when they start to feel varying degrees of pain.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby Kala » Mon Jan 03, 2011 10:29 pm

I love those videos that woman makes. I have been thinking about sending her a message on youtube.

Reticulator, what do you mean? Why would they begin to feel any pain at all? The narcissist I know has only come back into my life when he needed something from me. It wasn't about feeling pain. I don't think he's capable of feeling that much pain. It would take an extreme case for him to feel pain.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby raene » Tue Jan 04, 2011 12:57 am

Hey Kala! How are you?

I think non-Ns want to believe that because we can't imagine going through pain and then causing pain without at least feeling guilt. (Although we all do, actually) It's not easy to relate to someone who thinks in such a different way.. but as it is a defense mechanism, pain was felt at some point, and defense is pain avoidance, it still can be experienced.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby reticulator » Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:34 pm

I mean if you break someones fingers they will scream! Silent treatment ineffective.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby Piper » Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:05 am

I have gotten the silent treatment for 5 months. It happened once before for 2 months. I guess I should assume I have been discarded?
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby harleydog » Wed Mar 09, 2011 3:42 am

i have had the silent treatment for weeks, I usually give in and apologize for something she may have done, just to get her over it. It is really terrible. Every time you apologize for something that they did to you and you calling them on it, you lose a little peice of yourself that they take away from you to make them stronger and that is how I feel. I went to alanon and started learning some new tactics and getting back control of my life, I dont care about hers anymore. I need to be happy. Tired of loving someone who will never return it or only give it when they want something from you, or when you are doing what they want

I have seen my wife drop lifelong friends at the drop of a hat and just cease talking to them and they are stuck wondering what happenned to them. I finally started confronting her on her actions and she put a restraining order on me for no reason. I am not accepting false realities anymore. Justification is very common for her. She is justified in every wrongdoing she has ever done. I am tired of it.
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Re: the silent treatment

Postby sunking101 » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:41 pm

harleydog wrote:i have had the silent treatment for weeks, I usually give in and apologize for something she may have done, just to get her over it. It is really terrible. Every time you apologize for something that they did to you and you calling them on it, you lose a little peice of yourself that they take away from you to make them stronger and that is how I feel. I went to alanon and started learning some new tactics and getting back control of my life, I dont care about hers anymore. I need to be happy. Tired of loving someone who will never return it or only give it when they want something from you, or when you are doing what they want

I have seen my wife drop lifelong friends at the drop of a hat and just cease talking to them and they are stuck wondering what happenned to them. I finally started confronting her on her actions and she put a restraining order on me for no reason. I am not accepting false realities anymore. Justification is very common for her. She is justified in every wrongdoing she has ever done. I am tired of it.


Man, you've hit the nail on the head there for me. It's rotten isn't it? Trying to cope with someone who causes no end of trouble yet blames you for it? Nightmare.
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