jbck123 wrote: I realize I don't have to listen to it, etc. And I won't but the 3rd party ways he gets to me will begin in a matter of 48 hours....lawyer, emails telling me he thinks it's best the kids are with him due to my "problems" and on and on.
I don't guess there is a way to minimize his "vindictive" side is there?
No, he is going to be angry that you have the nerve to grow a spine and want to live a joyful caring life you deserve. He will be the worst you can imagine... but you do not have to see it or hear it. You totally cut him off, do not listen to another word he has to say unless it is through your attorney. You hire an attorney before you leave, file for spouse support and child support for the time you are separated, as the final divorce could take months, you file for supervised visits only, even if they are held at a place with a social worker, you file for court order of protection for yourself and your children, as he's threatened violence and threatened to kidnap the children.
You change your e-mail address NOW - not for him, but for everyone else. When you leave, you cancel the e-mail address he knows, that same day. If you are required to communicate with him, get a gmail account and get it all in writing. Do not let him call you on the phone and spew his threats at you. If you are required to give him a phone number, buy a Pay as you go phone and give him that number. Never answer your personal phone if he calls it. Never Ever!
You arrange a safe place to live - even moving in with a family member or a friend, so he can not come there and know you are alone. Having roommates helps during this time, because they will witness everything he does at their home and they will call the police if he gets violent.
When you move out, have the court order and divorce papers served to him that same day. Have friends and family on hand, perhaps when he is at work, to come and take everything you need so you never have to go back. Rent a u-haul truck and move in one go!!!
With planning and clear thinking, you can separate from him and not take any more of his abuse. Knowing what he did before is good for you to prepare for it now. Even if it means changing everything, phone numbers, etc... do it!