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Why Am I So Damned Irritated?

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Why Am I So Damned Irritated?

Postby abbott » Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:13 pm

Hello NPD Forum ~

Can anyone tell me why I am still so annoyed that my ex N still DOES NOT see any problems / issues with himself? Despite having a wealth of info. on this PD?

I established NO CONTACT back in January but had limited contact last month because I had his child in July. He then began texting me up to ten times a day telling me how much he loved his child. Wanted to see him etc. So, I thought maybe would be better for the child to have his father around. So I gave it a shot. (I know I know)

But, he drove me crazy. Came in after not being around and tried all sorts of hyper-parenting. Spoke incessantly about himself. Actually told me that this whole situation made him suicidal but he "didn't have the balls to do it". Said his friends sympathized with me not him. Said he moved to get away from me even though I was NC for many months (might be a lie). Had affected his family, business, everything etc... He was ultimately traumatized til no end. Meanwhile, I went through my pregnancy without him which, once he was out of the way, was a breeze. No issues at all and enjoyed it despite not being an ideal situation. And now, I am very happy. Busy but very happy! And bloody annoyed!

Two things REALLY pissed me off. 1.) ex N wanted me to apologize to him although said he loves child and also thanked me for having him (in so many words) He said that if I apologize to him, we can move forward (not gonna happen and I'm not looking to move forward as a we except with my son) 2.) Said he is still in love with me but then took it back via text So now, I am really just plain irritated.

I definitely admit to using what I've learned on this forum in perhaps an unhealthy way. I lured him back in, quite successfully I might say and then kicked him in the face. Told him he had more in common with a socio-path. Was an emotional vampire. etc. etc. And challenged everything he said including his claims to be a "realist". I claim "extremist". Anyway, no screaming or yelling but literally challenging every word. Was exhausting and not remotely rewarding. Boring even. He really got p.o'd when I told him how deeply insecure he really was. Major defense mode. He is quite proud of his "confidence".

But there is something wrong with me for sure. Was it always there or has he completely made me mad? I cannot get over the fact that he 100% refuses to accept any wrong doing regarding our situation. Despite what all the threads say etc. etc. this is what I can't get over. And without getting into detail, he acted supremely #######5. (excuse me). And that comes from his own family who told him to "stop acting like a dick" (excuse me again). But I am supposed to apologize to him, according to N.

And why did I feel so compelled to lure him in and then launch a total anti-Narcissistic assault? It left me drained and exhausted to the point that I requested some time before another visit. He went ballistic. Back to NC.

I guess I need to get over it b/c I'm never going to get what I believe I deserve (accountability) and neither will he (an apology).

But for those of you with NPD, what was the trigger that led you to that self discovery?

Nevertheless, thanks for giving me a place to RANT! :evil:
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Re: Why Am I So Damned Irritated?

Postby abbott » Thu Oct 21, 2010 4:27 pm

Oh, and 3rd point of contention - N actually tried to rename our child after himself.

When I pointed out that the child's legal name was on the birth certificate, N gave child his name as middle name. I didn't think it was worth it to point out that the child already has a middle name as well, also on birth certificate.

How can anyone, narcissistic or not, think that if you walk away from your pregnant wife, GF etc., that you can walk back in months later and then name the child after yourself.

The lines must blur, delusional, narcissist, etc...
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Re: Why Am I So Damned Irritated?

Postby wooster » Thu Oct 21, 2010 8:21 pm

Not sure if my reply is any help - but I think you have every right to be mighty irritated! What I gather is that he walked out / refused to take any responsibility - and now turns up claiming the child, even changing its name, that's just totally obnoxious (and by what I've learnt so far, typically Narc.)
I think you handled the situation the best possible way, although it must have been terribly difficult not losing your calm.
Do NOT apologize to him (unless, of course, you find a genuine reason - not knowing the full story but I doubt you did anything to apologize for, rather the other way around)
Do NOT give in to his begging / blackmailing / whatever tricks he tries to play on you! If he ever happens to come to his senses at last & approaches himself with an objective, self-critical eye, then you may take it up from there - but you'll notice it anyway.
The most difficult part is that in the meantime I think it's important to allow him to develop a 'normal' relationship with your child - and you shouldn't really express anything negative about him to your child, after all the child is half of him so you'd undermine the child's identity somewhat by badmouthing (even rightfully) his/her other parent (I hope your ex understands this as well!) I guess it will be bloody difficult to maintain this precarious balance, keeping your boundaries and not to explode in the meantime... but you sound like have your head screwed on the right way. Take it calm & easy - set your clear boundaries and do not ever let him manipulate you via his 'fatherhood'.
(sorry it turned out a bit clumsy reply, my english is not up to scratch..)
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