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Sex with a Narcissistic lover

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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby donam » Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:28 am

to medusa,

Exactly my sentiments! Every topic of discussion, I would have to watch my words and how they were phrased as he would always find a way to bring sexual connotations into it. He was highly intelligent but at the same time, I could't figure out how someone could be so intelligent but act so immature simultaneously. I seem to certainly agree with the studies that they don't appear to have progressed and matured past their childhood characteristics.

Yes and he was all talk, no action!
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby medusa » Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:46 am

One time I told him he was a 12 year old, and he said, "No, I'm 8!" in a baby voice. This is a very tall scary looking man in his 40s.

Later I told him, not in judgmental way but in an observational way, that his sense of humor was like that of a 14 year old. A few days later he was listening to himself talk and he said, with some amount of surprise (feigned or not, I don't know), "Wow I am a 14 year old!"

Amusing, and kind of endearing, actually.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby donam » Fri Oct 22, 2010 3:24 am

Ha Interesting you said that! I told my 22 year old son some of the things that my "ex N" would say to me (trying to keep it fairly clean of course, but he got the gist of it) and he looked at me in surprise and replied, "That's something that I possibly would have done or said when I was 14 years old, certainly not now"

Even a "young man" could see how ridiculous and child-like this behavior was.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby imjustagirl » Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:27 am

sfguy wrote:BTW, the original poster's question was about sex with narcissistic women, but all the complaining has been about narcissistic men.


If I had HAD sex with a narcissistic woman, then I would have written about it. The thread was titled "sex with a narcissistic LOVER" :roll:

I don't see talking about the sexual side of narcissism unnecessary at all. It is all a part of what people (women or men) suffer when in an abusive relationship with a person who has NPD.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby imjustagirl » Sat Oct 30, 2010 9:39 am

donam wrote: He would lay there for me to "so to speak" put him in the mood, initiate it and rarely did he initiate. It was as though I was there to serve him and worship him.


aaah yes. That's exactly how it always went here too. I would have to "get him in the mood" as he would put it.

One time he wanted to have sex and we had been having a little foreplay and he just wanted to have sex and be done with it. I was sort of like, well.. what about me? and he said (excuse me for being graphic) "can't we just have sex without you cumming for once!" (as if he got me off much as it was! LOL - and by this point I was in "I'm going to treat you EXACTLY how you treat me and I'm going to pretend that I don't care about how YOU feel as much as you show me that you don't care about how I feel" mode) so I said "can't we just have sex without YOU cumming for ONCE?" and he said "forget it then" so I said "OK, goodnight" and turned around to go to sleep. He laid there for 5 minutes and decided he did want sex and kept trying it on and said he'd do it etc... but I told him I didn't want it when I practically had to force him to do it and that I would rather boil my own head than have sex with him. By this point of the relationship I was SO sick of it and I wanted to treat him with the exaxt same contempt that he treated ME with. I wanted him to hurt as much as me - which I now realise this was pointless because he wouldn't even CARE anyway, he would just devalue me and be done with it. But I still wanted to show him that I didn't give a damn and I wasn't going to follow him and beg him. I was NOT going to give him his supply, that he was NOT the Mr. Super-Wonderful that he thought he was. All a total waste of time because he probably wouldn't ever feel anything, would just go and watch porn or something. It also made MY behaviour seem crazy and abnormal and I realised that I was letting him affect me still. He was still winning all the while this was happening.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby mindful » Sat Oct 30, 2010 11:24 pm

imjustagirl wrote:It also made MY behaviour seem crazy and abnormal and I realised that I was letting him affect me still. He was still winning all the while....

These few words are plenty... they're enough...
It will always be that.. you will always be wrong, crazy, abnormal, and (s)/he will always be "winning"...
It's plenty enough reason to get out of a relationship... and stay out.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby SenseAtLast » Mon Nov 01, 2010 2:00 am

And the sad thing is when you treat the N the way you've been treated, yuo feel dirty because that is not the way you want to be.

But I love the comeback of 'I'd rather boil my own head than have sex with you'.

On the bright side, on those rare occasions when sex does pop up its always better than it was with whats-her-name.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby sweetnsour » Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:53 am

Hello everyone I'm new to this forum... I will like to add to this first thread as a new member of this board.
Im a 32 yr old female and I myself have been called a "Narcissist" more than a few times by people I know. I have a lover that has had his fair share of problems with people or relationships should I say...And he has also been accused of having this issue.. Now in answering the thread from the orginal OP's question, I'm a woman and I have never really been the type to not get enjoyment from seeing my sexual partners enjoyment as well.. BUT I do have things I will not do.. As I'd think any woman would for whatever reasons she'd have.. BUT it's not because I have never tried these things it's more of a "not my thing" NOT DOING THAT deal! When I was in my early stages of a "newbie to sex" I had/and have always had to date (VERY FEW LOVERS) In my first experinces I was open to preforming oral and recieving well into my mid-20's.. Then one day I decided I was doing this for my partner and took lil enjoyment in doing it and had noticed that all the men I had preformed this on let me do it for 20-40 min's or even longer with a FAST lick my way if I was lucky and then straight to sex! (Not much fun) So I decided to flip the card. I am now in a relationship with a whom has also been called this name and he preforms oral on me and its very rarely I return the favor. He has tried to push me to do anal which I have stated I am not interested in and he keeps at asking like any man would (I suppose) He also will not say sorry in arguements we have and I noramlly get blamed for "not listening" then he trys to cut me off from sex yet continues to text daily, take me out, etc.. to taunt in a way "sorta build up sexual tension" -Which I find annoying. He's very into rough sex as these ladies have stated and I enjoy the rough play in bed so guess we are a good match there.. Maybe we both wanna win? lol we are very competive by nature! IDK? I've never been told by a professional I am this, BUT I'm not sure he hasn't.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby shapeofmyheart » Mon Dec 06, 2010 3:09 pm

Mine was a sexual dynamo when I met him. He obsesses about sex. Keeps a porno collection.

Now that we're married he plays mind games with sex. He still says he is obsessed with sex and that he wants it all the time, but every time I try to initiate I am turned down. And if I try to talk to him about it he says it's ME turning HIM down constantly (gaslighting!).

He brags about his penis size all the time. Sometimes I wish it weren't so big so I could measure it for him and tell him he's wrong. But, alas, no luck there (now isn't THAT a strange complaint!).

When we do have sex he must always be in control. It's never 50/50 sex, it's always him directing and being in charge and being in control. Sometimes he hurts me (not with his hands, but with his appendage- due to his size), and if I complain that he's hurting me he tells me that it is psychological pain, not physical pain, and I need to get over it, get USED to it.

He is turning me down constantly now, but is always complaining that we don't have enough sex and it's my fault because I keep turning HIM down. If I try to point out the inconsistency he tells me that I'm crazy.

I know he's highly sexually charged so I'm wondering where that extra sexual energy is going now.

Oh, and he's very cerebral. He has trouble maintaining "wood" if he is not happy, or if he doesn't feel like he's in control.
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Re: Sex with a Narcissistic lover

Postby mindful » Mon Dec 06, 2010 3:30 pm

Premiss: I don't mean to respond to you, personally, SOMH, nor any other poster in particular.

But so many of us cite the 'incredible sex', the extraordinary prowess or sexual energy, or 'alpha' syndrome of our sexual partners, as if this special gift might preclude all other human developments.

Sexual energy is no doubt among the strongest of human energies, instinctual, primitive brain driven. And it can afford the most intense of physical pleasures, for both sexes. But let's not kid ourselves. The indulgence of this impulse proves nothing more than what it is - momentary phyisical pleasure. Often leading to a sense of humiliation and emptiness.

To tie that physical pleasure with a sincere human connection, sensitive to one's partner, both in the moment and in the context of our lives, requires a far move sensitive, intelligently developed human skill.

It's important to remember that using our energies in sensitive and intelligent ways is what leads us to more evolved and healthy people.
Last edited by mindful on Mon Dec 06, 2010 3:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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