searchfortruth wrote:Ok, a question first -
How do you know she has NPD? Has she been diagnosed?
She hasn't been diagnosed. I put it together after a long time of trying to understand her.
I've reached the conclusion that she is a narcissist based on the fact that she's extremely selfish and has no empathy at all. Also, she has told me things like she sees all of her friends as being equal, and if one friend does bad things to her or another friend does good things for her, she still sees them as being equal and doesn't see a difference in this, hence people are all interchangeable to her, even her family and co-wokers. Me being her semi-boyfriend, I told her I loved her once, and she didn't want to see me for 5 months after that, so I learned she hates to be loved and that I shouldn't say that again, she wants to be not cared about.
Also, I asked her what the word friend means to her. She said a friend is a thing that always changes. She sees friends as things. Also, she reacts well to praise, but too much praise makes her think the person is lying and could be taken negatively, and she doesn't react well to disagreement.
I tried to tell her that I thought she was a narcissist once in a nice way, but she didn't understand what a narcissist was, and I saw that explaining it to her wasn't working very well, so I gave up.
Once her friend at work went to the hospital, and she visited her friend in the hospital. I asked her if she visited her friend because she really cared about her friends well-being or if she just wanted to get attention from people at work. At first she said because she really cared about her friend, and then after I pressed, she admitted that she didn't really care about her friend and visited her friend in the hospital only to get attention from people at her work, so that they would say what a nice girl she is visiting her friend in the hospital.
Her grandma died, but she didn't cry or care.
I can see in her eyes that when I am praising her about something, she is staring right at me straight into my eyes trying to take it as if the praise is a drug, it's narcissistic supply for sure that she's addicted to.
Sometimes she loses energy and feels sleepy and is entirely emotionless.
Sometimes she seems sadistic and happy if she thinks she has some kind of power over me or if something she is doing is making me feel confused or unsure about what I should do.
Sometimes she's funny, sometimes she's not. She has cycles. And sometimes she just pulls a disappearing act and doesn't answer my texts to her cell phone for a week or more.
Also, when she and I used to work at the same company, she was a manager, and a girl working under her got transferred to another branch in a city she didn't want to go to. That girl was practically crying. She said to that girl, "Oh that's too bad, sometimes these things happen." and didn't care one bit about that girls feelings, and seemed to enjoy watching that girl cry and quit the company.
At first I thought she was a sadist, but a sadist always sticks around to watch their prey suffer. She doesn't work like that, she wants attention more, and if her prey is suffering, she tends to disappear.
I'm pretty sure my diagnoses is dead on, because I've dealt with other narcissists in the past, though they were co-workers that I never cared to much about. One of them I made take a test a website http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personalit ... er_test.mv to see if I was right, and he scored high for narcissism. I'm good at spotting a narcissist, and I understand how they work to some extent. I know how to make a narcissist angry and paranoid and make them and go away, just disagree with them constantly. But I'd like to understand more. I'd like to understand how to strategically retain one, or make them come back, we can call it a science experiment, but really I just like this girl.
But I wonder why your are questioning whether she has been diagnosed, did something I say put questions in your mind as to whether she is really a narcissist. Plain and simple, she has no empathy, people are interchangeable to her, she doesn't want to know herself and has a lack of opinions as a result; she reacts to the exterior world and is not intrinsically driven. Also, she is extremely selfish. And she's definitely got the hunger for narcissistic supply, it's very obviously written on her face when I feed her the supply.
I'd still be open to any specific strategies that would help me to play the game that you say I don't want to play, but I do! Probably I'm a little crazy myself, but I'm no narcissist. I'm more of a normal-crazy.