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Wowing a Narcissist

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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby masoguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 8:31 pm

masoguy wrote:
searchfortruth wrote:masoguy -
Keep repeating various versions of these, until she figures it out (which she will), and just when she is about to figure you out, leave her completely and go NC and never look back.

What's NC?


She's a narcissist, and she likes me. But because she's a narcissist, normal things don't work, so yes I need good tactics.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby masoguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 8:45 pm

hmmmmmmmmmm
Last edited by masoguy on Tue Jul 06, 2010 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby masoguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 8:52 pm

searchfortruth wrote:masoguy -

I think you took the theme, "narcissists like attention", too literally. Narcs are not stupid. Infact most of them are pretty clever. So she will see through your flattery easily, just as mother_to_babe mentions.

See, the idea is to play a game of "intermittent" attention and validation.

1. First, you "tease" her ego with small challenges and then "intermittently" praise her. The "praise" has to be just a little bit less than the challenge, so that she comes back for more. Don't let her regain her balance at any time. Keep her off-centre.

2. Then when she is coming close to you, push back with a really "sad" sob story about your life (it can be a lie, but believable), and then challenge her to "save" you. Just when she showers all her love to "save" you poor baby, you praise her again subtly and indirectly, but just a little less than the challenge of your sob story. (This is emotional manipulation) Again just leave enough for her to not be able to sleep at night and keep scheming how to show her love the next day. She must not be able to sleep at night and keep thinking about you. Keep her sleepless.

3. Test her again and again. Give her small challenges and then give her some praise as a gift. (Again emotional manipulation). Keep the drama going. The drama should never end, or else it will get boring. Keep her in constant anxiety.

Note - She will test you too. Don't fall for them. Don't be jealous or clingy or suspicious. Just "tease" the tests out of her reach. Never interact with her during anxiety. You need to be completely calm and emotionally detached.

Keep repeating various versions of these, until she figures it out (which she will), and just when she is about to figure you out, leave her completely and go NC and never look back.

Do a favor - Just before your leave her, tell her to see a therapist. Don't do this after you leave her. Do it just before you leave.

Warning - If you are desperate, stay away from this game. You will lose it and end up as a "victim" with your ego surely bruised. IT IS INJURIOUS TO YOUR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH.

Do you really want to play this game? :D


I want to play this game!

Could you provide examples of small challenges I can make for her. Also, could you provide some examples of sob stories. I think this is really good advice you are giving me. Also, what is an NC. Also, I don't plan to leave her.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby sfguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:35 pm

NC means "No Contact", which is the opposite of what you want.

But because she's a narcissist, normal things don't work,

Wrong, everybody responds to ego validation. It works even better on narcissists, but it works on everybody else too.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby masoguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:41 pm

I am still wondering what kind of small challenges and sob stories I could use, and how I should praise less than the challenges. Any advice or examples on this would be helpful.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby sfguy » Tue Jul 06, 2010 9:44 pm

No sob stories. Nothing that makes you look pathetic. For activities, try something competitive that you are skillful at, like tennis or chess or something where you can win. She'll respect you if you beat her, and be as arrogant as possible about it.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby HMJ » Tue Jul 06, 2010 10:09 pm

I have noticed that a lot of subjects on this forum deal with people's relationship issues. I think people are scurrying off to mental disorder websites to assemble some reason in their head as to why they are sad and lonely.

Yay living in the age of information.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby searchfortruth » Wed Jul 07, 2010 8:05 am

masoguy -

I don't really know why you want to play this game :D and let me again start by warning you that it is a very DANGEROUS game you want to play.

I think I gave you pretty much of a broad outline in my last post about how to wow an insecure woman and an NPD woman is an insecure woman who tries to make herself believe that she isn't insecure. Ok so here is some more -

1. You need to get into her mind. Think ahead of her.
To play this game, you have to think like her, infact ahead of her. For this you need to understand how her mind works.

If she is an extrovert narcissist, she gets her energy from people, and so she "preys" on people for her validation fix. Her extroversion and outward self-confidence is also a way to escape her inner self by creating a false externally validated inflated sense of self. It is a big bubble waiting to be burst.

If she is an introvert, then its possible that she is a "snob" and a perfectionist and she relies on her own inflated sense of self to get her validation fix, though she indirectly uses people to create that inflated sense of self. This is a more difficult bubble to burst.

In both cases, you need to deflate her bubble and remove the ground from beneath her feet, making her unstable enough to chase you to get her sense of stability back. But to do this you need to understand what particular area of her "bubble" is her weak area.

2. Identify her strength. That is her weakness.
Each narcissist has an area of strength. Maybe its her beauty. Maybe its her intellect. Whatever it is that makes her tick, you need to identify that first.

It is this strength that helps her maintain her inflated sense of self. And it is this strength that she continuously guards and even props up. Her whole sense of inflated self is probably dependent on this strength. And therefore it can be her biggest weakness.

You need to challenge this strength. You shouldn't completely burst it, just deflate it enough while keeping the hope alive and providing the challenge that once she wins you over, she can again regain it.

3. Work on yourself. You have to be attractive in alignment with her need.
Once you know her weakness, work on yourself. You have to be attractive enough for her to align herself with you to add to her inflated self. And you have to seem more attractive to her on that count, even beat her to it.

Then use all kinds of manipulations (as in my previous post) to get her to see that aspect of you.

4. Be apathetic.
You have to seem apathetic and nonchalant, almost as if you don't care. When you challenge her, don't put her down completely, rather raise yourself above her. Push her a bit while creating a rubber-band effect, so that she comes back to you. Don't push so hard that the rubber-band itself breaks. There has to be that slight hint of interest, while you show no interest.

Keep her guessing. Your job is to BE the challenge. Let her take it up and chase you. But be careful - you should be just a little bit out of reach. Once in a while let her catch up with you, but not for long. Don't let her become secure.

5. Walk away before he walks
When the game gets to you, walk away before she can walk. Do this before she can figure you out.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby masoguy » Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:08 am

searchfortruth wrote:masoguy -

I don't really know why you want to play this game :D and let me again start by warning you that it is a very DANGEROUS game you want to play.

I think I gave you pretty much of a broad outline in my last post about how to wow an insecure woman and an NPD woman is an insecure woman who tries to make herself believe that she isn't insecure. Ok so here is some more -

1. You need to get into her mind. Think ahead of her.
To play this game, you have to think like her, infact ahead of her. For this you need to understand how her mind works.

If she is an extrovert narcissist, she gets her energy from people, and so she "preys" on people for her validation fix. Her extroversion and outward self-confidence is also a way to escape her inner self by creating a false externally validated inflated sense of self. It is a big bubble waiting to be burst.

If she is an introvert, then its possible that she is a "snob" and a perfectionist and she relies on her own inflated sense of self to get her validation fix, though she indirectly uses people to create that inflated sense of self. This is a more difficult bubble to burst.

In both cases, you need to deflate her bubble and remove the ground from beneath her feet, making her unstable enough to chase you to get her sense of stability back. But to do this you need to understand what particular area of her "bubble" is her weak area.

2. Identify her strength. That is her weakness.
Each narcissist has an area of strength. Maybe its her beauty. Maybe its her intellect. Whatever it is that makes her tick, you need to identify that first.

It is this strength that helps her maintain her inflated sense of self. And it is this strength that she continuously guards and even props up. Her whole sense of inflated self is probably dependent on this strength. And therefore it can be her biggest weakness.

You need to challenge this strength. You shouldn't completely burst it, just deflate it enough while keeping the hope alive and providing the challenge that once she wins you over, she can again regain it.

3. Work on yourself. You have to be attractive in alignment with her need.
Once you know her weakness, work on yourself. You have to be attractive enough for her to align herself with you to add to her inflated self. And you have to seem more attractive to her on that count, even beat her to it.

Then use all kinds of manipulations (as in my previous post) to get her to see that aspect of you.

4. Be apathetic.
You have to seem apathetic and nonchalant, almost as if you don't care. When you challenge her, don't put her down completely, rather raise yourself above her. Push her a bit while creating a rubber-band effect, so that she comes back to you. Don't push so hard that the rubber-band itself breaks. There has to be that slight hint of interest, while you show no interest.

Keep her guessing. Your job is to BE the challenge. Let her take it up and chase you. But be careful - you should be just a little bit out of reach. Once in a while let her catch up with you, but not for long. Don't let her become secure.

5. Walk away before he walks
When the game gets to you, walk away before she can walk. Do this before she can figure you out.


Hi Searchfortruth,

Uh, yeah. Um... well... your first piece of advice seemed good, is seemed to be the most actually applicable solid piece of advice stated, but you gave no examples, which made me wonder how to challenge her.
I'll say she's the introvert type, and that she thinks her strength is that she is smart. I don't think she sees herself as having any weakness, but if I were to name what her weakness is, I would say it's that she is not so smart.
As for knowing how she thinks, I know this already, but it doesn't help with my strategies to use on her, because her way of thinking is difficult to penetrate. I mean, if I ask her where she wants to go to eat, she says anything, she never gives her opinion on what to eat or what to do, and I'd say she has a total lack of opinion on most things. If I tell her she's beautiful too many times, she doesn't like it, because it's too much. Same if I tell her she's smart too many times. If I act to submissive, she doesn't like it. Or if I say I'm not so smart, she doesn't like it, she says I should say I'm the smartest; although I really think I am the smartest, but I thought modesty would work best, and then found out it didn't.
I realize that she doesn't care about me and that all people to her are interchangeable. However, I still don't understand the rules of the game of the chase or how to make a narcissist want to chase me.
I think I can be good at always agreeing with her.
I've never really shown her that I had a sob story or that I had any weakness. I thought this sounded like a good tactic to shock her, or add drama!
Anyway, I do want to play this strategically, and I want to figure out how to retain a narcissist and keep them coming back, and this is my goal, and it's really because I actually like this girl, but if I was successful, I'd write a book or something about it with very specific example in order to help others retain narcissists if they desired to.

I'm want to play this dangerous game! I mean, why not? Life is short, why do I wanna give up on a person that adds happiness to my life? Even though she is a total narcissist and wouldn't care if I died probably. She also said she wants me to not care about her, which at first I found strange.

I think the game won't get to me, and I'd like to learn to play it well. I like this girl very much, and so, I need to learn how to make her chase me better. I wish you could give specific examples on what specifically you would say to pose a challenge and to then indirectly offer praise to the narcissist. Because I still can't understand what a narcissist really likes, because it seems to be contradictory the way they think. I suppose my next move is to do something shocking. Well, I'll see this narcissist again in 2 days, so I have to have may strategy prepared by then.

Still looking for anymore useful, specific advise or strategies that would prove to be effective.
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Re: Wowing a Narcissist

Postby searchfortruth » Wed Jul 07, 2010 11:41 am

Ok, a question first -

How do you know she has NPD? Has she been diagnosed?
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