Over the course of many years my ex-N boyfriend has devalued & discarded me on numerous occasions. We have always had a long distance relationship, and come from very different backgrounds.
The last few D&D's I've become fed up with what appears to be a game with him, he alternates between myself and a full time girlfriend that he denies having. The behavior is actually more bizarre, because he denies not only his relationship, but the realities of his entire life--not only to me, but to all his friends as well. He hides his life with her and he lives with her. While he is with her he turns off his phone for weeks, even months and does not talk to anyone (friends or family) that he knows. When he turns the phone back on, he gets in touch with everyone and tells them he has been traveling, or he might say that he was ill. Always an excuse, but never mentions his significant other to anyone.
When the phone comes back on he tries to reconnect with everyone, myself included. Like we are part of a completely different life. So, the last time after a 6 month d&d he told me he had been ill, and off on his "own", and he needed to see me. So I flew 3,000 miles to see him. Before I went I told him that if the outcome was going to be the same (us spending a week together, then him giving me the silent treatment for another 6 months after I came home) then I did not want to come and join him.
He gave it some thought, and the next day said to me "I have loved you more than any woman in my entire life, but I can not give you what you need, can't give you anything so I don't think we should get together". I said how sad I was to hear that after all these years. Then he changed his mind and said he had to see me, he loved me too much.
So I went and joined him. We had a great week. Two days after I returned home, he refused to talk to me on the phone, did not respond to my messages and shut the phone off again. It has been off for the last 3 weeks, but I do not call anymore.
I went NC after the last d&d. It is very easy to do when he stays away, but he keeps worming his way back in.
my question---- could there be any truth in what he said. He is definitely a narcissist, so is it possible that he realizes the truth and he was trying to push me away because he knows he is sick and will ultimately destroy me? Is there any goodness inside this person, or is this all part of a sick game and he is pulling me close, only so he can push me away again-- recycling the supply.
I want him gone forever, but he does not leave me alone. He disappears, only to keep coming back.