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How to get ex N to value you again

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How to get ex N to value you again

Postby m22 » Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:10 pm

Once a narcissist devalues you and decides you are not good enough for them could they ever come back and want you again? My ex N dumped me and I am curious about this. I know I should get on with my life and all that, but what would have to do to get them to want me again? Would it involve degrading and humiliating me or just showing them huge amounts of adoration and letting them control? Or is it even possible?
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby Smacster » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:30 am

Value yourself first, and then others will value you
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby m22 » Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:15 pm

So if I value myself then the ex N would want me again? I think I do value myself. Not sure what you mean by that. If I wanted to have my ex N interested in me again, what should I do?
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby Smacster » Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:42 pm

eskandar wrote:if you want your ex who dumped you and hurt you be interested in you again - you are not valuing yourself.


Correct.
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby m22 » Fri Dec 04, 2009 4:27 pm

Maybe I'm an inverted narcissist or borderline. At any rate is it possible to change his mind? I know that's not what I'm supposed to do but I'm wondering if it is possible and how to do it and what it would involve.
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby Smacster » Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:00 pm

No. It is not possible. Furthermore, as it sounds you're ex is a malignant somatic narc, you are being exceedingly masochistic. You deserve better, sweety
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby m22 » Fri Dec 04, 2009 6:43 pm

I appreciate everyone's good will and I know I deserve better and all of that. It just seems like there must be some way to renew the n's interest.
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby foreverhopeful » Sat Dec 05, 2009 11:45 am

hi
yes you should just move on and when you look back hopefully you will see it as a lucky escape.
if you did manage to win him back it would just keep repeating, things never change, and it eats away at you a bit more each time so you get weaker and weaker, it really isnt worth it.
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby BarrierReef » Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:17 pm

I would say it's possible, to a point. I had an ex who, in an effort to understand and ultimately help me, stuck by me after I sabotaged the relationship. For a while, it was a thrill to have someone I had mistreated come back for more, but that was eventually outweighed by the hassle of having to fake personal growth with a suspecting partner.

Maybe it's just me, but I always liked to be around to observe my effect after things were done.
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Re: How to get ex N to value you again

Postby Smacster » Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:45 pm

BarrierReef wrote:I would say it's possible, to a point. I had an ex who, in an effort to understand and ultimately help me, stuck by me after I sabotaged the relationship. For a while, it was a thrill to have someone I had mistreated come back for more, but that was eventually outweighed by the hassle of having to fake personal growth with a suspecting partner.

Maybe it's just me, but I always liked to be around to observe my effect after things were done.


This happened once to me too. (Not that she "suspected" me though... just the growth). Initially, it really annoyed me. But then I thought "Hey, I guess she's got thick skin and she always talks to me when I want to talk, so why not keep her around?" That didn't last very long. She still sends me emails every 2 weeks or so, asking to do something.
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