I have to deal with a NSD b(rother in law), who is thus unfortunately impoverished, single and living on an allowance.
I came into conflict with b 3 years ago, when he through his sister/my wife kept interfering with our (my wife’s and mine small) business.
When I for the second time expressly tried to confront b on this, he refused to see me further in private, as he did/does with other people, which are no longer of use to him or might endanger his self-cultivated status as being special, and sent me insulting e-mails with copies to my wife.
I did and do not want to accept this kind of behaviour in my family, since this appears to me as contagious as well.
Until this issue is resolved I have stopped attending general family gatherings, as I see them as maintenance of the family-relations as well and in my view the issue at hand should be taken care of first and separately.
My wife and daughters want the damaged family-relations to be repaired by b making private apologies, which I find being inadequate, at least implausible.
That this issue has still not been resolved, is, because it is, at least according to me, a family-matter; otherwise I would have left it or turned to court myself long ago to have determined whether laws have been violated and to claim compensation for suffered material and non-material damage.
Since grown into a family-matter, any repair of relations must begin with b recognizing, in my view in the presence of the whole family, either or not voluntarily, that he has been behaving wrongly.
Settling the argument should in my view be in a ‘special’ family gathering, called in court by b.
Not everybody will immediately see this as the obvious way to handle this problem.
However, in my view it is basically comparable with other in fact complicated family-matters being handled by a professional, according to the law and in a decent way, as handling a legacy by a notary and a marriage in the family in the town-hall, also being attended by all respective family-members.
Besides that b must not be allowed to conduct himself within the family at will, while all other family members do their best.
Of course, my wife should have brought b to behave immediately and I told her that; but obviously however, she cannot cope well with b being disordered, which I must respect..
Of course I have tried to speak to other members of the family, but they all let me observe that they consider it a private matter between b and myself, which I do not agree, at least on the fact that b does not want to cooperate at all in finding a solution, which is acceptable for me.
I very much appreciate exchange views on this subject with people who have experienced something similar.
My excuses for my English, not being my native language.
This issue has in recent years not be discussed at all.My wife and daughters want the damaged family-relations to be repaired by b making private apologies
Of course I can also not see in the minds of my daughters.
I think, on reflection they find b being kept at a distance by me/their father not a bad idea after all; they are (of course) loyal first to my wife.
My wife seems to be ‘drifting’ between her realizing that the family is handling this thing not very well and loyalty them including b.