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Christians dealing with NPD

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Christians and NPD

Postby Jenny543 » Mon Feb 24, 2003 9:15 pm

Yes, I am a Christian and I believe my roommate has NPD. I have just very recently been dealing with the possibility. She has backed out of my upcoming wedding (she was a bridesmaid) because of insignificant, trivial things involving my fiancee. Not only has she shirked her duties as a bridesmaid, but has also completely thrown our friendship out the window.

I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings about why her demand of "respect" is unreasonable. She wrote back saying that while she had a response to each item in my letter, she would "spare my feelings" and refrain from telling me her thoughts. So basically now we are just ignoring each other.

I feel this approach conflicts with what God tells us to do, but I don't know where else to go at this point. There is one month left before I move out. She is moving away and I doubt will never see her again.

She also claims to be a Christian, and while I do believe she believes in Christ, I don't believe she acts according the rules of the Bible. In my letter I included a Bible verse, hoping at least that would ring true with her. It was in Mark but I can't recall the exact lines. I'll look it up and post it back to you.

I'm not sure if your situation is anything like mine, but hopefully we can talk and share ideas just the same.
Jenny543
 


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Christians and NPD

Postby indiaclare » Mon Feb 24, 2003 9:50 pm

I am a committed Christian, married to a man for 30 years and only this year have I realised the he is controlling me. He has NPD. Loads of my friends have tried to tell me over the years but I am fiercely loyal and didn't listen. Eventually a very close friend came to live with us due to personal circumstances and my husband couldn't keep his personality from her and suddenly I was listening. I have been unhappy for years. I have known that but always thought it was me. I don't want to rubbish my husband but it is frightening to realise where he is coming from. He isn't a Christian and frankly if I wasn't I wouldn't have stayed with him. On Wednesday next he will be coming back from a trip abroad and I have to tell him that I have decided to start a business which he will not be happy about. But I want to be less fearful of him. Isn't it all difficult?
Bless you,
India
indiaclare
 

NPD & OCD

Postby sweetngentle » Wed Mar 05, 2003 12:45 am

The description below of NPD fits my husband to a T...but he may also have OCD. I'm wondering if it's possible for one person to have both of these disorders?

"Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder in which a person has a grandiose self-importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, a driven desire for attention and admiration, an intolerance of criticism, and a disturbed self-centered interpersonal relations. They are often referred to as being conceited. They generally have a low self-esteem, as well. They act selfish interpersonally, with a sense of entitlement."

Sweetngentle
Blessed are those
who can give without
remembering, and take
without forgetting.
sweetngentle
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Christian married to a Narcissist

Postby Guest Response » Wed Mar 05, 2003 10:15 pm

I am a Christian and am about to terminate a 4 year marriage. It has been one of the worste things that I have had to go through. It has only been in the last 8 months that I discovered my spouse has this disorder. For the longest I thought that I was the issue. I thought that I was the root of the problems. I was always trying to satisfy them but that never happened. I was consumed by my efforts to make the marriage work but no matter what I did it did not happen.
Then one day I learned of NPD and everything started to make sense. I then discovered that it was not me and I was not that bad at all. My eyes have been opened.
There are those in the church that would encourge others to stay with it but abuse is abuse whether physical or otherwise. I guess best advise to give is the Serenity Prayer.
Guest Response
 

Re: Guests Post

Postby sweetngentle » Wed Mar 05, 2003 10:34 pm

I think that as a Christian it is not for me to condemn nor condone in regards to christian marital situations. There are those that believe that the only scriptual reason for ending a marriage is infidelity. I am not one of those. I think that after all efforts to bring emotionally healthy behavior to a marriage have failed....then it's time to pack your bags. I do not think that God wants us to have a life of misery and abuse. In my experiences I would have rathered to have gotten physically beaten than to go through the verbal and emotional abuse. I know this may not set well with some christians.....but this is my stance on marriage vs divorce for christians.

The best of wishes to you. May you find light at the end of your tunnel of misery.

Sweetngentle
Blessed are those
who can give without
remembering, and take
without forgetting.
sweetngentle
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Leaving My Spouse

Postby Ann » Tue Mar 18, 2003 2:20 pm

I have been in this relationship for 25 yrs. I stayed because of our daughter who is now 22, recently married, and soon to graduate from college. I turn 59 years old today. God has been merciful and has helped us to endure. But, I desire to be in a healthy relationship. My husband and I have recently discussed his disorder after his last rageful and vebal assault. He knows that I know that something is wrong with him and it's just not me. He says he wants to change, but I do not really believe in my heart that he can or will. I can choose to stay in the relationship with the knowledge that I have, but, I've also matured and gained confidence. So, I wonder who the "real" me could be if I were [for the first time in my life beacaue my father was also abusive] in an environment where I could grow and learn during this last stage of my life before leaving this earth. Maybe I'm dreaming, but something in my heart says, "Go for it and be all that God intended for me to be and do"! I would love to hear what others who would like to share with me. Thanks!
Ann
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NPD

Postby sweetngentle » Tue Mar 18, 2003 2:42 pm

Ann,

Welcome to PsychForums! And Happy Birthday!

I am 50, and am married to a man who has some of the symptoms of NPD. We have been married for almost 23 yrs. Just last week he hinted that he thought something was wrong with himself. But he doesn't reach out and go for counseling.

I think that each person must decide whether or not to remain in a relationship like yours. I have thought of divorce many times and have filed 3 times....but have backed down for various reasons.

I know what you mean about wanting to find out how you would be to be free of a relationsip that may not be healthy. I wonder that myself. The decision is ultimately up to you.

I wish You Well,
Sweetngentle
Blessed are those
who can give without
remembering, and take
without forgetting.
sweetngentle
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Leaving My Spouse

Postby Ann » Wed Mar 19, 2003 1:04 pm

Thank you for your quick and honest reply yesterday and for your birthday greeting! I did have a pleasant day! I just wrote you a long post and proceeded to erase it, so I will respond again briefly.
I know the decision is mine and I have given myself a year to prepare. It is difficult to talk about NPD amongst Christians, but could they really understand or even imagine what we are talking about if they are not living with this insanity? Sometimes it is hard for me to believe myself what has happened in my life. I am mostly interested in talking to other people who are dealing with this issue and hearing how they are coping, surviving, growing? I feel very alone sometimes and was happy to see that they are others out there who understand. Thank you again![/quote][/code][/list][/url][/list]
Ann
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NPD & Christianity

Postby sweetngentle » Wed Mar 19, 2003 1:28 pm

Ann,

I think that giving yourself a year in which to prepare is a wise move. Almost 2 & 1/2 yrs ago my husband and I decided to live separately but remain married. We sold our home, split the equity and each of us bought residences of our own. There have been a few rocky times, but for the most part, in spite of it being an odd arrangement, it has worked well for us. He comes over several times a week to have dinner with me and our son who also lives with me.

For a long time I didn't feel comfortable revealing to my Christian friends that our family had several mental illnesses. Two of our kids have schizophrenia, I have DID, depression..etc and then my husband has some issues going too. Last summer we found a non-denom church which felt like home from the first time we walked in the door. My kids love the youth program and the women's Bible studies have been more than helpful. I did find out that I could open up to a chosen few about mental illnesses and our family.

They have also welcomed my 2 kids who have sz with open arms. I'm so thankful for the people there.

I hope things work out well for you, Ann. Possibly you also will find a place where you can be open with your issues. This site is a great place to start!

Sweetngentle
Blessed are those
who can give without
remembering, and take
without forgetting.
sweetngentle
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Posts: 830
Joined: Sat Feb 08, 2003 8:45 pm
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