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Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

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Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby darrenritt29 » Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:19 pm

I read alot of post about the abusers and NPs but i think we have to ask why it is that we are attracted to these types of personalities. For myself i came to the realization that i suffer from NPD because thats how i grew up and thats the behaviour i know. My blueprint for love is what i was taught by my Narcissistic Parents and family in general. After reading some of Sam Vaknins material i realized that i have always been attracted to these types of personalities and i then asked myself why.

I came across a two Sub-types of NPD....Overt Narcissists and Inverted Narcissists
I believe myself to be the latter. Almost all of my significant relationships in my life invloved abusive people. If you have had abusive people in your life frequently or find yourself attracted to them start asking yourself what it is about you that attracts you to them?

Blaming everyone else for your problems doesnt do as much for you as fixing your own and recognizing your behaviours.
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby twistermind » Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:32 pm

I think the answer maybe that in some way, we have inside a bit narcissism. You know the sentence: Nothing of human characteristics, are beyond me!
"mate, i dont want to know the description and every last detaill of this illness. i want the fuc king cure!" (Ultimate Krang)
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby darrenritt29 » Sun Jul 05, 2009 11:43 pm

twistermind wrote:I think the answer maybe that in some way, we have inside a bit narcissism. You know the sentence: Nothing of human characteristics, are beyond me!


Exactly....if you only know this type of behaviour is it any wonder that you're attracted to it? If we can change our behaviour and think for ourselves then we can stand up for own needs and wants as individuals and start attracting healthy people inot our lives.
If you dont give a Narcissist thier Narcissistic supply then they will most likely not want much to do with you. How can we help others if they refuse to help themselves? We dont need to stay in an abusive environment out of pity for the abuser.
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby twistermind » Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:23 am

darrenritt29 wrote:
twistermind wrote:I think the answer maybe that in some way, we have inside a bit narcissism. You know the sentence: Nothing of human characteristics, are beyond me!


Exactly....if you only know this type of behaviour is it any wonder that you're attracted to it? If we can change our behaviour and think for ourselves then we can stand up for own needs and wants as individuals and start attracting healthy people inot our lives.
If you dont give a Narcissist thier Narcissistic supply then they will most likely not want much to do with you. How can we help others if they refuse to help themselves? We dont need to stay in an abusive environment out of pity for the abuser.

I haven´t got many experience with Narcisist people. I only tell you that we are all human and we have in more or less degree a narcisist side.
You talk about being far away from Narcissist people. How can we do this? It´s really difficult, because s(he) has an extreme capacity of manipulate you. I had a boss who used to be very nice with me, really, really nice. All the things changed when I didn´t agree wih him in some decisions. He tried to make my life impossible.
"mate, i dont want to know the description and every last detaill of this illness. i want the fuc king cure!" (Ultimate Krang)
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby twistermind » Mon Jul 06, 2009 12:28 am

Darenrrit29,
Are you sure that you are a NPD? Have you been diagnosed?
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby darrenritt29 » Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:10 am

Well not officially cause i no health insurance right now and cant afford it otherwise. I know almost all the Behaviours and im personally 100 percent positive im an Inverted Narcisssist. I Spent my whole life ealing with these Personality types. Its what i know. So i have 29 yrs life experience with numerous Overtly Narcissistic people.
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby darrenritt29 » Mon Jul 06, 2009 1:23 am

twistermind wrote:
darrenritt29 wrote:
twistermind wrote:I think the answer maybe that in some way, we have inside a bit narcissism. You know the sentence: Nothing of human characteristics, are beyond me!


Exactly....if you only know this type of behaviour is it any wonder that you're attracted to it? If we can change our behaviour and think for ourselves then we can stand up for own needs and wants as individuals and start attracting healthy people inot our lives.
If you dont give a Narcissist thier Narcissistic supply then they will most likely not want much to do with you. How can we help others if they refuse to help themselves? We dont need to stay in an abusive environment out of pity for the abuser.

I haven´t got many experience with Narcisist people. I only tell you that we are all human and we have in more or less degree a narcissist side.
You talk about being far away from Narcissist people. How can we do this? It´s really difficult, because s(he) has an extreme capacity of manipulate you. I had a boss who used to be very nice with me, really, really nice. All the things changed when I didn´t agree wih him in some decisions. He tried to make my life impossible.


Well yes we are all Narcissistic sometimes, there is a BIG difference between Pathalogical Narcissism and everyday healthy Narcissism.

Its absolutely true they are great at manipulating everyone. Especially if they're smarter than the average bear. When you realize where their behaviour is coming from its easier to handle but its almost always better to try not to understand them. The behaviour doesnt make sense to normal, healthy, individuals. I have Overtly Narcissistic Parents and have to distance myself from them cause they always manipulate to their own ends.

Unless they are trying to understand their behaviours as they relate to NPD is very hard to help them.
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby twistermind » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:45 am

darrenritt29 wrote:Well not officially cause i no health insurance right now and cant afford it otherwise. I know almost all the Behaviours and im personally 100 percent positive im an Inverted Narcisssist. I Spent my whole life ealing with these Personality types. Its what i know. So i have 29 yrs life experience with numerous Overtly Narcissistic people.

Is inverted narcissist a kind of learnt narcissist? I always thought that the environment where a child brought up is really decisive in disorders appearing and, of course, our personal characteristics. No-one of my syblings have AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), they are the "normal" in the family but they have always had another role in the family and in some way, they have developed more intelligent estrategies to face the problems. What ######6 is this life!
At least, you are aware of the problem and have the possibility to face to it.
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Re: Asking why you attract this type of behaviour

Postby darrenritt29 » Mon Jul 06, 2009 8:08 pm

twistermind wrote:
darrenritt29 wrote:Well not officially cause i no health insurance right now and cant afford it otherwise. I know almost all the Behaviours and im personally 100 percent positive im an Inverted Narcisssist. I Spent my whole life ealing with these Personality types. Its what i know. So i have 29 yrs life experience with numerous Overtly Narcissistic people.

Is inverted narcissist a kind of learnt narcissist? I always thought that the environment where a child brought up is really decisive in disorders appearing and, of course, our personal characteristics. No-one of my syblings have AvPD (Avoidant Personality Disorder), they are the "normal" in the family but they have always had another role in the family and in some way, they have developed more intelligent estrategies to face the problems. What ######6 is this life!
At least, you are aware of the problem and have the possibility to face to it.


An Inverted Narcissist or Co-Dependent has learned the ways of the Narcissistic parent. The big difference here is that they live vicariously through other Overtly Narcissistic Individuals. The Invert is still a Narcissist but their affliction is turned inward. They are the eternal "punching bag", perfectly designed to take all the abuse and still stay. The Co-dependent even knows how to manipulate the NP in order to make them stay. The Problem is that when the Overt Narcissist leaves, the Co-Dependent is truly and deeply hurt. You see for the Invert the Narcissistic Supply is the Overtly Narcissist Individual.
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