SenseAtLast wrote:I'm still a bit confused by what is meant by 'how do you talk to a narcissist'?
It depends. You can talk to an N the same as any other person. What they do with what you say is the problem. so it is context dependent.
If you are any sort of discussion where 'winning' is an issue -- i.e. getting what you want -- then you have to decide how badly you need to have them do what you want or stop doing what they're doing. This depends on the leverage you have.
So, in this context, you want to reveal as little as possible because an N doesn't respect confidences; you want to apply every little bit of leverage you can because they are actually fightinh you to death no matter how small the issue, and you want to kiss their backside if your on the lsoing side because they will make you pay.
My boss has turned out to be very N. I have gone as NC as I can and when negotiating with here I have been ruthless as I can. She has backed off a lot and the NC is quite enjoyable.
Again, the intent of the post was not a question, so much as reference to the article...giving advice.. At times it is preferrable to find a non-conflictual way of interacting, and some of the points made by the psychologist who wrote the article were interesting.
I found the point "Don't be afraid of making him/her even more self-centered..." as particularly significant. Typically, in relating to the disorder, I find myself forced to choose between being "supply" or "injury".... Expecting normal relating is ideal, of course, but often gets one nowhere, and leads to those uncanny or surreal exchanges. and breakdowns.
Relating in a way that doesn't necessarily aim to tear down or challenge, but without intentionally feeding as supply, seems to be an ideal balance. This may be just relating "as you do with other people", but I find it nearly impossible to not be inadvertently influenced, in one way or the other.