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How To Talk To A Narcissist

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Postby cheshire » Wed May 13, 2009 8:10 pm

BetterThanYou wrote:walk in zig-zags toward him, wave a doggy treat, and rub your belly...only after doing all that in exact sequence can you talk to a narcissist.


this i advocate. i would be highly entertained if other humans had to do this to talk to me. i feel special already.
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Postby Sabratha » Thu May 14, 2009 2:30 pm

mindful wrote:If it's for pragmatic purposes, perhaps its valid.
But if its for personal gratification, comparison, conceit, I'm really trying to watch that, in myself.


Isn't personal gratification, comparison or conceit pragmatic purposes? What's the difference?
I'm self diagnosed with a very severe and incurable case of "being Sabratha".
Peptron wrote:Sabratha, you do not count, as you are a freak of nature. You go through life with cheat codes.
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Postby SenseAtLast » Tue May 19, 2009 2:01 am

I'm still a bit confused by what is meant by 'how do you talk to a narcissist'?

It depends. You can talk to an N the same as any other person. What they do with what you say is the problem. so it is context dependent.

If you are any sort of discussion where 'winning' is an issue -- i.e. getting what you want -- then you have to decide how badly you need to have them do what you want or stop doing what they're doing. This depends on the leverage you have.

So, in this context, you want to reveal as little as possible because an N doesn't respect confidences; you want to apply every little bit of leverage you can because they are actually fightinh you to death no matter how small the issue, and you want to kiss their backside if your on the lsoing side because they will make you pay.

My boss has turned out to be very N. I have gone as NC as I can and when negotiating with here I have been ruthless as I can. She has backed off a lot and the NC is quite enjoyable.
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Re: How To Talk To A Narcissist

Postby NotMyUsualUserName » Tue May 19, 2009 2:37 am

mindful wrote:yes, I know - "Don't" is the best option.

But it's not always, nor necessarily, a feasible option.
In fact, I've resumed lessons with my NPD friend, and so I've again dug up this article, which gave me some food for thought, if not exactly what one really wants to do...

Thought some others might find it ..provoking.

This line, in particular:
"Don't worry about making the narcissist become more self- centered .."
makes me think. I know that it is precisely this idea which can cause my own thinly-veiled aggression, if not outright hostility, in my own communications with people with NPD.


Feed them because you'll never win.
If you do win, they're just faking it to get what they want :).
All I know is no one dies
I'm still confusing love with need.
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Postby retardstrength » Tue May 19, 2009 9:06 am

A major thing to add:

NEVER say "I'm sorry", whether it's to shut them up about how much you suck or whether you're truly sorry for something you've done (because you know...you're a normal person who ###$ up sometimes and recognizes your faults). A narcissist doesn't know what it's like to feel remorse, so they won't understand yours. His/her attitude is always 'Sorry didn't do it. You did.' ...and YOU always did it.
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Postby mindful » Tue May 19, 2009 10:58 am

SenseAtLast wrote:I'm still a bit confused by what is meant by 'how do you talk to a narcissist'?

It depends. You can talk to an N the same as any other person. What they do with what you say is the problem. so it is context dependent.

If you are any sort of discussion where 'winning' is an issue -- i.e. getting what you want -- then you have to decide how badly you need to have them do what you want or stop doing what they're doing. This depends on the leverage you have.

So, in this context, you want to reveal as little as possible because an N doesn't respect confidences; you want to apply every little bit of leverage you can because they are actually fightinh you to death no matter how small the issue, and you want to kiss their backside if your on the lsoing side because they will make you pay.

My boss has turned out to be very N. I have gone as NC as I can and when negotiating with here I have been ruthless as I can. She has backed off a lot and the NC is quite enjoyable.


Again, the intent of the post was not a question, so much as reference to the article...giving advice.. At times it is preferrable to find a non-conflictual way of interacting, and some of the points made by the psychologist who wrote the article were interesting.

I found the point "Don't be afraid of making him/her even more self-centered..." as particularly significant. Typically, in relating to the disorder, I find myself forced to choose between being "supply" or "injury".... Expecting normal relating is ideal, of course, but often gets one nowhere, and leads to those uncanny or surreal exchanges. and breakdowns.

Relating in a way that doesn't necessarily aim to tear down or challenge, but without intentionally feeding as supply, seems to be an ideal balance. This may be just relating "as you do with other people", but I find it nearly impossible to not be inadvertently influenced, in one way or the other.
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Postby FrayedEndOfSanity » Mon May 25, 2009 8:14 pm

I found this article to be quite informative. I just started a new job, and recently met what looks to be a full-blown N. Avoidance is not an option, but management of interactions IS.
Do not take my advice before talking to your doctor/counselor/other professional. Depending on where you live, you may be able to find free, confidential care. Most importantly, sometimes your shrink can be wrong. Get a second opinion.
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Re:

Postby kmjones623 » Sun Jun 14, 2009 5:29 pm

Sabratha wrote:It gets more difficult if its your boss, superior e.t.c.
Then I think just use your knowledge - he wants supply? Give him supply if they go along with you. When they get in your way, the just stop giving them supply (but don't get openly hostile, agressive or anything. Just be neutral or ignore tham).

Narcissists are manipulative, you can be too.


Mimicking the narcissist's behavior never teaches them anything. It only makes you fall further down the rabbit hole of confusion and self-degradation.

NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPPLY THE NARCISSIST.

This is your precious energy that he is feeding off of and LIFE ENERGY is not an unlimited supply, or else we would never die.

You teach a narcissist NOTHING when you try to be like him or supply him in any way.

If the narcissist hates confrontation, if the narcissist can't see himself with a mirror, like the vampire, then the mirror will be my shield, my authentic control of my own energy will be my weapon.

He will never learn his behavior is acceptable from me EVER AGAIN.
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Re: Re:

Postby smilee » Fri Jun 19, 2009 4:17 pm

kmjones623 wrote:
Sabratha wrote:It gets more difficult if its your boss, superior e.t.c.
Then I think just use your knowledge - he wants supply? Give him supply if they go along with you. When they get in your way, the just stop giving them supply (but don't get openly hostile, agressive or anything. Just be neutral or ignore tham).

Narcissists are manipulative, you can be too.


Mimicking the narcissist's behavior never teaches them anything. It only makes you fall further down the rabbit hole of confusion and self-degradation.

NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPPLY THE NARCISSIST.

This is your precious energy that he is feeding off of and LIFE ENERGY is not an unlimited supply, or else we would never die.

You teach a narcissist NOTHING when you try to be like him or supply him in any way.

If the narcissist hates confrontation, if the narcissist can't see himself with a mirror, like the vampire, then the mirror will be my shield, my authentic control of my own energy will be my weapon.

He will never learn his behavior is acceptable from me EVER AGAIN.

But, does the narcissist you know realize you caught on? The narc I know keeps his distance, as do I. I am leary of any conversation least I go off angrily & make myself a fool.
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