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the family member of a narcissistic family

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the family member of a narcissistic family

Postby ryschw1 » Thu Apr 23, 2009 7:51 am

how does a family member know what to do when the relationship and dynamic is strictly under their narcissism?
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Postby teeter » Thu Apr 23, 2009 2:15 pm

Distance yourself from them. It's no fun when you realize your family situation isn't healthy, but life is too short to subject yourself to the abuse. Surround yourself with people that aren't narcissistic, and remember that time heals all wounds. Also be strong enough to stick up for yourself, never let anyone put you down. There is a such thing as a healthy environment, but you may have to go out and find it.

I notice you said "strictly under their narcissism." Make sure that's the case. If you're raised by a narcissistic family, you may have some of the traits. You'll have to be informed and strong enough to identify and correct them. Remember, being a perpetual victim is a form of narcissism!
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Postby ryschw1 » Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:53 pm

i agree i do distance myself but you know when you cant avoid anymore because you live there it's helpless but it's like right now theyre all anxious even being separated and i agree with you it's hard to not portray myself as a victim when i went through it because i am literally paralyzed in the house and totally out of myself
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Postby ryschw1 » Thu Apr 23, 2009 4:53 pm

i agree i do distance myself but you know when you cant avoid anymore because you live there it's helpless but it's like right now theyre all anxious even being separated and i agree with you it's hard to not portray myself as a victim when i went through it because i am literally paralyzed in the house and totally out of myself
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Postby Nanday » Thu Apr 23, 2009 11:16 pm

ryschw1 wrote:but you know when you cant avoid anymore because you live there it's helpless


Teeter is right. Distance is essential, emotional AND physical.

I don't know if you are a minor and have to live at home, or if it's related to financial or other circumstances, but your goal should be first and foremost to remove yourself physically. My ex's family had at least five members with excessive narcissistic traits and in hindsight our marriage survived as long as it did partly because I refused to live anywhere near them and minimized contact.

Good luck, and remember the old saying, if you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you've always had.
It is not love that should be depicted as blind, but self-love.
- Voltaire
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Postby ryschw1 » Fri Apr 24, 2009 5:44 am

yeah i know that, i am 23 years old i am getting my degree in the fall my dad is unemployed and my parents divorced in november so are you an expert in this field or just an experiencer?
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Postby Nanday » Fri Apr 24, 2009 6:06 am

ryschw1 wrote:yeah i know that, i am 23 years old i am getting my degree in the fall my dad is unemployed and my parents divorced in november so are you an expert in this field or just an experiencer?


I'm not a professional, but was married for 30 years to a man with high narcissistic traits, perhaps NPD. I thought I was coping, but every day it was a struggle just to dig myself out of the confusion he created. So I know it's hard to live with it day by day.

I have two sons still living with me, one is 25 and the other 19. I actually want the older one to move out and get on with his life as I think he is postponing the last phase of growing up. He says it's financial but he has a job and earns a reasonable salary, so I'm not convinced. Maybe I should try reverse psychology and tell him I don't want him to leave me :)

Anyway, it sounds like you've got yourself on track to make an independent life, it's just the timing that's the problem.
It is not love that should be depicted as blind, but self-love.
- Voltaire
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