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Cycles of abuse

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Cycles of abuse

Postby migraine » Fri Jul 04, 2008 5:25 pm

My NPD ex has taken me through 2 cycles of overvaluation then devaluation leading to discardment over the past year and a half. The discardment lasts about 2 weeks... then he returns very remorseful. This time around he said he realizes he has NPD and if I would get back with him and go to therapy with him maybe we could fight it together? What do I do? I love him.
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Re: Cycles of abuse

Postby Broken » Fri Jul 04, 2008 8:38 pm

:D
Last edited by Broken on Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby migraine » Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:17 pm

Broken,
How long did you and your ex date for? Did she discard you one final time or could you just not take it anymore? Isn't it hurtful when the "switch goes off"? They just look completely empty. They turn into monsters. Did your ex know she had this disorder?
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Postby migraine » Sat Jul 05, 2008 6:12 pm

does anybody else have advice on this topic as well?
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Postby digital.noface » Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:33 am

It is insincere BS. Your N is just playing games, he needs to win you back to prove his control over you despite the overt abuse you experienced. Anyhow, even if his commitment to change was sincere (borderline impossible) he is utterly incapable of fulfilling this promise.

You need to ask yourself if you want abuse or not. Think about how much so. Compare how much you do not want the abuse with how much you want to be with this person. If you do not want abuse more than you want to be with him, then the path is clear. If you want to be with him more than you do not want abuse, then you are not here for help, but rather sympathy, and intend to get exactly what you want irrespective of well wishes in internetland.
...
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Postby Broken » Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:33 am

:D
Last edited by Broken on Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:55 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Postby migraine » Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:14 pm

Haha thanks.
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Postby ccumm36D » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:01 am

Broken wrote:I'm sure others will write too - besides Digital. Please know that he's a N - and his posts are half helpful and half punishing. He's getting his N off.


Migraine knows her N's pattern. She's gonna take him back anyway and be disappointed, again.

DNF's post was spot on. Sometimes the truth hurts.

Calling a spade, a spade doesn't mean he's "getting his N off".
"It's not how hard you can hit. It's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward".
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Postby Broken » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:47 am

:D
Last edited by Broken on Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby LifeSong » Mon Jul 07, 2008 4:50 am

Digital's post made perfect sense to me and was the truth. You yourself, migraine, labeled your post "cycles of abuse". You know what's going on here, whether your guy is narcissistic or just a run of the mill abuser.

Let your guy prove his intention. Refuse to return to him, but offer to attend counseling with him. And then go with him. See what happens. If he continues with counseling and makes progress, great... I believe that some abusive people can rehabilitate if they themselves want to. If he drops counseling or just goes-thru-the-motions during counseling, you'll also have your answer through that. My guess is that his offer of counseling is just a ploy, but take him up on it and see what happens.

You've already been through two cycles of abuse in 1.5 years. Do you really want to do it again?
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