skippers wrote:Do you keep in touch with your ex Narc? Is there any benefit keeping in touch?
Should I keep in touch with my ex Narc 10 months after the horrible ending to our relationship? Otherwise I feel as though what was my best friend has died. I think I feel strong enough to not want to get back with her now, although I do really miss her and there is the risk that feelings could come flooding back.
I'm not even sure if she deserves my friendship after the deceit and so many lies. Part of me feels as though I need to see her again sometime so she can see that I've moved on and looking fit and healthy from the gym and successful at work, and she'll see what she threw away. Maybe this will be some kind of closure for me which I never got 10 months ago.
I think you've answered your own question when you said there is the risk that feelings could come flooding back. Are you really ready to see her again?
My ex and I have children, so there will always be an unbroken thread, however tenuous. Your post made me sad because it reminded me of where I was a year ago - I too thought that if he saw me looking fit, healthy, attractive... he would have regrets. Narcs don't have regrets. They might try to make you supply again, but they don't feel regret for their actions because they don't think they did anything wrong. In her mind, you were the one who wronged her and she is the perennial victim in life.
A friend recently spent Christmas with her ex after 3 years - big family get-together with their children, etc. Before that time, she was going through a phase where he was looking good to her and she wondered if they could work it out and start again. Spending a couple of weeks with him made her realise that nothing had really changed between them. They fell into the same patterns of behaviour, and she was still hurt by the same things that had destroyed their relationship over many years.
She came back "cured" of him so it worked for her. But then, he wasn't a narc.
I think you need to be very clear on your motives if you contact your ex - you won't get back the friendship you once had, you won't get any regrets or expressions of "sorry" from her, but you might get enough closure to move on and find someone who values you as you deserve.