I'm new around here. I found this board after a recent episode with my husband made me realize there is something very wrong with him. I'll skip the long boring "these are the symptoms" list. After reading up on a variety of personality disorders, this one fits exactly. He exhibits all the symptoms.
Now I need help. I'm scared and the episode I referred to is the reason why:
We went out to dinner and drinks last weekend. I got a text message and checked it. That set him off. He got extremely angry. We started arguing in the restaurant, and yes, I argued back. All of his stories and BS have been getting on my nerves, and even as easygoing as I usually am, sometimes I have enough too.
We drive home (I do - he's drunk,) and he is literally in my face yelling at me, calling me pretty nasty names (c***, m*****f*****.) We get home, he throws his jacket in my face. I go to the closet to take off my coat, he comes after me and shoves me into the closet. Walk past him, he throws his wallet at my face then shoves me into the front door. I reach for my shoes, he rips them out of my hand and pushes me onto the chair. I start to get up, he stands in front of me and says, "where do you think you're going?!"
He snapped. Completely. So I just sat down and he proceeded to talk for the next 2 hours. I didn't say one word the whole time. He keeps repeating himself, makes no sense, talks about things that are complete fabrication. I'm crying by this point. Scared to death. Quite literally. He asks me why I'm upset, I have no reason to be upset, he does!
Eventually he says, "only YOU can fix this. All I want is affection, that we have sex every day, and that you cook for me. Can you do this? And I want the answer RIGHT NOW!" I told him that I couldn't give him an answer, I was too upset, please let's talk about it in the morning.
He gives in and eventually goes to bed.
I sleep in another room. At 2:30 AM I wake up and see him standing over me, just looking at me. I was scared out of my mind. Thought he'd drag me out of bed. He didn't (though in the morning he said that he thought about waking me up.) It took me 3 hours to go back to sleep.
In the morning, he came into the room and said, "Well, since you slept in here, I assume your answer is no." *sigh* After a fairly calm talk, "we" (he) decided that we should take a break. Still live together as anything else is currently not financially feasible but he'd be able to do as he pleases (going out drinking, hooking up basically.) Fine with me. I need a few months to get my affairs in order so that I can leave.
That night he drinks again, at home this time. We watch a movie and he pulls me over and says that he's sorry, he doesn't need anyone else. He wants to sleep with me.
I'm deadtired having only slept a few hours the previous night. I told him I couldn't tonight, I was so so tired but let him hug me in bed and go to sleep that way.
So what do I do now? I'm scared. I've never seen a person completely lose it and there's no doubt in my mind that had I resisted at some point, he would have beaten me, and I"m not sure he would have stopped. After reading about the disorder, I understand things a bit better and know how to avoid saying things that set him off.
But will I have enough control? Will I be able to keep him from going off? Is it possible that it will happen again even without me saying things that set him off?
If this "rage" can come on without provocation, then I will need to get out asap. I truly believe I might be in real danger if he loses control like that again. It will be an extremely difficult situation involving moving to a different continent and completely giving up a life I have built here for over a decade. Not desirable, to say the least. Of course, this situation isn't either, but I've dealt with it for the past 14 years, I can hang on for a few more months - UNLESS he's becoming a danger.
Any input is much appreciated. Thank you!!!!!